tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46950991699367981842024-02-20T13:15:17.375+01:00The Boston BlickbildAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.comBlogger194125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-41946320908359578902019-02-26T08:16:00.001+01:002019-02-26T08:16:19.997+01:00Not So Perfect Timing<div style="text-align: center;">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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Saturday's women's downhill in Crans-Montana had a controversial result because of problems with the timing. We are not going to address the results, who should have been second or third, and the protests. We will leave that to the others. The regular timing for the Crans-Montana downhill seemed to have failed and the race organisers were forced to rely on the backup system to time the racers. How do World Cup timing systems work anyway? If the main system fails, what is the backup system? We sent one of our intrepid reporters to Switzerland to talk to a representative from Longines, but nobody from Longines was willing to talk to us. However, we ran into Bob, our old friend and contact at the FIS. Let's find out what he has to say.</div>
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<b>BB: Hi Bob. It's nice to see you again. </b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>It is always a pleasure to talk with the Blickbild. </div>
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<b>BB: The FIS does not actually handle race timing, but Longines does. Is that correct?</b></div>
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<b>Bob:</b> Yes. Longines has been handling World Cup race timing for many years. </div>
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<b>BB: Longines is a Swiss firm, right?</b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>Yes. </div>
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<b>BB: Has Longines started making its timing equipment in China or Bangladesh?</b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>No, it has always been made in Switzerland. </div>
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<b>BB: Maybe the FIS and Longines are trying to save money and decided to outsource the construction of the timing equipment. A few years ago the Austrians had the trophies for the Kitzbuehel races made in China. But they went back to having them made in Austria when the Gams embarrassingly fell off of one of them during the award ceremony. But back to Crans-Montana and the timing. Maybe you can explain how timing systems work.</b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>The timer is activated when the start gate opens. It is connected to the finish line and split timers by two sets of cables. One is the main cable and the other is a backup. Split and finish times are recorded when the racer breaks a beam. There are computers in a timing shack near the finish area that record all of the start, split, and finish times. </div>
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<b>BB: Is the beam that the racer breaks a laser beam?</b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>No, it is an optical beam between two points. </div>
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<b>BB: So the racers don't have to worry about being burned or cut in two by a laser beam?</b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>No. Think of it like an automatic door sensor. All of the sensors are connected to computers which record the times that the racer started, crossed the split points, and finished.</div>
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<b>BB: To what degree are the times accurate?</b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>They are accurate to 0.001 seconds.</div>
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<b>BB: Can the timing be manipulated? For example, can the timing computers be programmed to go faster or slower than normal?</b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>Why would someone want to make the timers go too fast or slow?</div>
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<b>BB: Let's suppose that someone on the timing crew is tired of Mikaela Shiffrin or Marcel Hirscher winning all the time. One of the engineers on the timing crew could change the timing software so that the clock runs really fast when Mikaela is on course so that it looks like she took longer to make her run. </b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>I think that someone would get suspicious if the clock ran faster for Mikaela than for the other racers. </div>
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<b>BB: Maybe yes, maybe no. A lot of people were very suspicious about the timing in Crans-Montana. It seemed to benefit the Swiss racers.</b></div>
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<b>Bob:</b> What happened in Crans-Montana is that the primary system was not working so the backup system was used. </div>
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<b>BB: Perhaps you could explain to our readers how the backup system works.</b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>There are two sets of cables running from the start to the finish area. When one does not work, we have the second. </div>
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<b>BB: Let's suppose that both sets of cables stop working. How would the race be timed?</b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>We set up an emergency generator to supply power to the cables and computers. It is powered by a local boy pedalling a stationary bicycle. We don't want to pollute the air with a gasoline-powered generator. </div>
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<b>BB: That is very environmentally friendly. I'm sure that protection of the environment is an FIS priority, up there with athlete safety and TV ratings. But suppose the boy gets tired from pedalling the bike. Do you have more than one bike, or do you have a crew of local boys who alternate pedalling the bike?</b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>There are a few boys who take turns pedalling. They switch during the TV breaks or any other time a race is interrupted. But we have not needed them in a long time. The timing systems normally work very well. </div>
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<b>BB: Are local girls also allowed to be bicycle power generators or just boys? </b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>I suppose a girl could do it. But it is traditional for boys to have this honour.</div>
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<b>BB: Okay. Let's imagine that there was a big power failure, so there was no power for the timing cables. In addition, the boys who ride the bike which powers the emergency generator are all sick. Would the race be cancelled due to lack of proper timing equipment?</b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>No. We would then use hand timing.</div>
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<b>BB: Explain how hand timing would be used in a World Cup race.</b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>Members of the timing crew use stopwatches. They start the stopwatch when the starting gate opens and stop when the racer crosses the finish line.</div>
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<b>BB: How can someone in the finish area see when the timers at the start house have started their stopwatches?</b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>The monitors by the start and finish area communicate by radio or mobile phone. There are 3 monitors at each point, the primary time keeper and two backup time keepers. There are also time keepers at each split point. Their times are written down and averaged to get the racer's time.</div>
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<b>BB: That sounds good so far. But what if our power failure also affected mobile phone service and radio waves and the monitors can't communicate with each other? A large solar flare or a Martian invasion could wipe out the whole power grid and cause such a scenario.</b></div>
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<b>Bob:</b> The odds of a Martian invasion are rather slim. But we have a backup plan. </div>
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<b>BB: Are you going to tell our readers or leave us all in suspense?</b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>If the radios or phones don't work, the start house and finish area are all connected to each other by tin cans and string.</div>
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<b>BB: So you are saying that professional race timing could come down to how loud someone can yell into a tin can?</b><br />
<b>Bob:</b> Let's not go that far. We have the monitors at the start, split points, and finish line. When a racer passes each checkpoint, the monitor at each checkpoint contacts the timing shack via the tin cans.<br />
<b>BB: What type of string conducts sound the best?</b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>Longines has conducted extensive tests with different types of strings, yarn, and twine and found that worsted weight yarn is the best sound conductor. Longines uses only the finest worsted weight yarn for its backup system to ensure accurate communication and timing.<br />
<b>BB: Nothing but the best for the FIS.</b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>That's right! Here is how the backup system works. When a racer starts, the monitor at the start house yells into his tin can that Racer Number 1, 2, 3, 17, etc. started. Someone in the timing shack records the time. When the racer passes the first split point, the main monitor there contacts the timing shack via his tin can. After the racer crosses the finish line, his or her time is calculated.<br />
<b>BB: Where are you getting all of the tin cans and yarn?</b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>Part of the pre-race timekeeping preparation is a trip to a local recycling centre to get tin cans. Someone on the timing crew also goes to a local yarn shop. Another person is responsible for putting holes in the cans and installing the yarn. The timing crew is also responsible for connecting the tin cans at the start house and split points with the timing shack.<br />
<b>BB: Once all of the times are communicated to the timing shack, how is the final time figured?</b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>There are ten people with slide rules who take all of the times and calculate the averages. The ten averages are then averaged to get the final time.<br />
<b>BB: Wait a minute! Where are you going to find ten people who still know how to use a slide rule?</b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>If a slide rule was good enough for the NASA scientists and engineers who sent men to the moon, it certainly is good enough for Longines and the FIS. Part of timing crew training is learning how to use a slide rule.<br />
<b>BB: So the backup system for race timing boils down to some stopwatches, tin cans, yarn, and ten men with slide rules? (to himself) What could go wrong with that?</b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>Yes and no. We have another backup system.<br />
<b>BB: An abacus?</b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>How did you know?<br />
<b>BB: We at the Blickbild are not only intrepid, we are psychic. </b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>The timing crew has a 90-year-old Chinese man named Mr. Li who is a whiz with an abacus. He is our backup to the slide rules. We even have a third backup system if the tin cans, slide rules, and abacus fail--a Mayan calendar.<br />
<b>BB: What does a Mayan calendar have to do with calculating race times?</b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>The ancient Mayans used it to calculate time. Remember, they did not have computers, Google, or YouTube tutorials to help them create their calendar. If the ancient Mayans could keep time with their calendar, so can a World Cup race timing crew. The timing crew has figured out a way to convert the symbols on the Mayan calendar to race times. There is a reason why the timing crew is well-paid.<br />
<b>BB: This is getting absurd, even by our low journalistic standards. You might as well have the timing crew use their fingers for calculating correct race times. </b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>What a great idea! I will pass it on to the people at Longines. The more backup timing systems that we can use when the main one fails, the more accurate the race timing will be.<br />
<b>BB: Just like in Crans-Montana last weekend. Well, it looks like we are out of time. I want to thank you for educating our readers about how World Cup race timing and backup systems work. Hopefully the FIS will not have to rely on the backup systems very often. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview. </b><br />
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: Our reporters don't have backups. They are one of a kind.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-51840573023342223032019-01-11T15:36:00.001+01:002019-01-11T15:36:14.658+01:00Athlete Profile: Katharina Liensberger<div style="text-align: center;">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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Katharina Liensberger is Austria's newest technical racing star. After coming close to the podium earlier this season, she earned her first podium finish in Flachau and became the Second Attendant to the Snow Space Princess. One of our confident correspondents of communication, better known as one of our intrepid reporters, was sent to Austria to talk to Katharina. Let's find out what she has to say.</div>
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<b>BB: Congratulations on your third place finish in Flachau. </b></div>
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<b>Liensberger: </b>Thank you. </div>
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<b>BB: How does it feel to be the Second Attendant to the Snow Space Princess?</b></div>
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<b>Liensberger: </b>I don't think that the Snow Space Princess has any attendants. I was simply the third place finisher. </div>
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<b>BB: Of course the Snow Space Princess has attendants. All princesses do. </b></div>
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<b>Liensberger: </b>Maybe Petra Vlhova's trainers and service men were her attendants. But neither Mikaela Shiffrin nor I did any traditional attendant to a princess duties after the race. </div>
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<b>BB: I see...You are part of the new generation of Austrian ski racers who are making their mark in the World Cup. Do you feel pressure to live up to the legacy of the Austrian stars who came before you?</b></div>
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<b>Liensberger:</b> No. I simply go out and do my best. Of course I want to make my fellow Austrians proud, but I don't feel any pressure. It was a special thrill to place third in front of the Austrian crowd in Flachau.</div>
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<b>BB: You are part of a group of not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4 Katharinas who are all rising stars on the Austrian team. Is there any special reason why there are so many Katharinas?</b></div>
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<b>Liensberger: </b>Katharina is a popular name in Austria.</div>
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<b>BB: So the Austrian Ski Federation did not put out a notice to all mothers with daughters named Katharina that there was a shortage of ski racers with that name on the national team and to have their girls report for compulsory ski lessons?</b></div>
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<b>Liensberger: </b>Ski lessons are mandatory for everyone in Austria, no matter what their names are. I think that it is a coincidence that there are four Katharinas on the team. As I said before, it is a popular name.</div>
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<b>BB: As far as you know, the Austrian federation does not tell parents, "This year we want only Annas for the team, next year we want Stephanies, and in two years we will only take Katharinas?"</b></div>
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<b>Liensberger: </b>No, the team picks the best skiers based on their race results, not their names.</div>
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<b>BB: Let's talk about the other Katharinas on the team, namely Katharina Truppe, Katharina Huber, and Katharina Gallhuber. Are all four of you friends?</b></div>
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<b>Liensberger: </b>Yes. We are rivals on the race course but friends outside of racing and in training. We all support each other and are part of a great team. </div>
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<b>BB: Let's play a little game. Are you ready?</b></div>
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<b>Liensberger: </b>This is a rather strange interview. </div>
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<b>BB: Of course it is. We are the Blickbild and specialise in asking the questions that nobody else dares to ask. We also have the most intrepid reporters in the business. You on the other hand don't seem very intrepid because you are not interested in playing along with me. </b></div>
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<b>Liensberger: </b>OK, I will play. </div>
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<b>BB: Out of the 4 Katharinas: yourself, and Katharinas Huber, Gallhuber, and Truppe, which one is not like the other three?</b></div>
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<b>Liensberger: </b>Oh, that is a hard question.....I will go with myself because I am the only one who has been on the podium this season.</div>
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<b>BB: Good guess but incorrect. But because you are so nice, I will give you another chance. </b></div>
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<b>Liensberger: </b>Katharina Huber because she has dark hair and the rest of us have light hair.</div>
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<b>BB: No no no! But an interesting try nonetheless. It is Katharina Truppe. You, Katharina Huber, and Katharina Gallhuber all have an odd number of letters in your surnames. Katharina Truppe is the only one with a surname with a even number of letters. </b></div>
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<b>Liensberger: </b>I never thought about it, but that's true. </div>
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<b>BB: Of course it's true. We at the Blickbild may be a bit bizarre, but we never lie. But do you or the other Katharinas?</b><br />
<b>Liensberger:</b> No. We all grew up learning never to lie.<br />
<b>BB: So you don't try to fool your trainers?</b><br />
<b>Liensberger: </b>How would we fool our trainers?<br />
<b>BB: You all pretend to be different Katharinas. For example, Katharina Gallhuber pretends to be Katharina Truppe, who pretends to be Katharina Huber, who pretends to be you. </b><br />
<b>Liensberger: </b>No. Our trainers can tell us apart. They would know if we were pretending to be someone else.<br />
<b>BB: Really? They can tell all of you Katharinas apart without any special markings on your training suits or different coloured lights on your helmets? </b><br />
<b>Liensberger:</b> Yes. Austrian ski trainers are smart enough to know who their athletes are.<br />
<b>BB: Maybe they learned their lesson after the Regina Sterz debacle (see <a href="https://bostonblickbild.blogspot.com/2013/01/austrian-mystery-skier-selected-for.html">this story</a>). Do any of you try to fool your friends and family members by saying that you are a different Katharina?</b><br />
<b>Liensberger: </b>No. We all look different enough that our friends and family can tell us apart.<br />
<b>BB: So ski racing fans and your trainers can be 100% sure that it was really you, and not one of the other Katharinas pretending to be you, who got 3rd place in Flachau?</b><br />
<b>Liensberger: </b>It was definitely me.<br />
<b>BB: Well you are all about the same age and size. You and one of the other Katharinas could have switched helmets and skis and played a joke on your trainers and ski racing fans all over the world. Nobody would have known, at least while you were on the course. Katharina Truppe could have raced as you, but you actually showed up for the podium photos and award ceremony. </b><br />
<b>Liensberger: </b>That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! If Kathi Truppe earned 3rd place, she would have gone to the award ceremony and posed for podium photos because she would have deserved it. Our team probably would have been disqualified if we tried to play a trick like that.<br />
<b>BB: I have one more theory about all of the Katharinas on Team Austria. Maybe you are really all four of them. </b><br />
<b>Liensberger: </b>What? !? Where are you coming up with this stuff?<br />
<b>BB: If you think for a moment, it makes a lot of sense. Maybe you have Multiple Personality Disorder. Instead of having separate male and female personalities, or personalities with different ages, you have four distinct personalities who are all named Katharina and are Austrian ski racers. Each of your Katharina personalities has a different surname. </b><br />
<b>Liensberger: </b>You think for a moment. If I were really all four Katharinas in one body, how would I finish a run, then make it back to the start of the the next Katharina's run? It would be impossible if one of we Katharinas started right after each each other.<br />
<b>BB: Modern ski lift technology is amazing. </b><br />
<b>Liensberger: </b>Don't you think our trainers and teammates would notice the difference between having one and four Katharinas in a training session or race? I would also be too tired to train or race if I was really all four Katharinas.<br />
<b>BB: Your wonderfully perceptive trainers and teammates evidently did not notice that Regina Sterz was really the former Regina Mader. They may have the same powers of observation with your four Katharina personalities.</b><br />
<b>Liensberger: </b>I do not have four different personalities with their own surnames. There is just me and the other Katharinas are separate people. They are not separate personalities residing in my body. When are you going to ask me normal questions, like what my goals for the rest of the season are or if I hope to win a medal at the world championships in Are?<br />
<b>BB: If you wanted someone to ask you the usual questions, you should have been interviewed by Der Standard and not by us. We at the Blickbild usually do not ask those types of questions. </b><br />
<b>Liensberger: </b>Evidently. This has been by far the weirdest interview I ever had.<br />
<b>BB: That's because our specialty is weird interviews. But if you insist.....what are your goals for the rest of the season and do you hope to win a medal in Are? If I get fired for asking such mundane questions, you share the blame. </b><br />
<b>Liensberger: </b>I hope to continue my success and yes, I would like to win a medal in Are. Maybe your boss won't notice that you finally asked a normal question.<br />
<b>BB: Let's hope not. Well, it looks like we are out of time. I want to thank you for this interview and wish you and the other Katharinas success for the rest of the season. I'm sure we will be seeing you, assuming it is really you and not one of the Austrian Katharinas, on the podium in future races. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview. </b><br />
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: None of our reporters have Multiple Personality Disorder<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-46109352054832880332018-12-18T08:57:00.000+01:002019-01-09T19:18:55.372+01:00Rule Infractions<div style="text-align: center;">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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It seems like FIS rules are being violated this season more often than some people bathe. First Germany's Stefan Luitz used supplemental oxygen in Beaver Creek. The FIS is talking about stripping Luitz of his win because of it. Magnus Walch of Austria was disqualified for taking 5 seconds too long for a second run course inspection in Alta Badia and also suspended for two races. What is happening here? Has Alpine ski racing suddenly become a big free-for-all? One of our intrepid reporters was dispatched to FIS headquarters in Switzerland to investigate. He spoke with Charles "Poindexter" Baxter, a special rules consultant to the FIS. Let's find out what he has to say. </div>
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<b>BB: Mr. Baxter, tell our readers how you became a special rules consultant for the FIS.</b></div>
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<b>Baxter: </b>Call me Poindexter. From a very young age, I had a special talent for memorisation. At age 2 I memorised the alphabet. But my parents got tired of me saying it and told me to say it backward, which I easily memorised. From first grade on, I memorised my school textbooks within a week. When I was 8 years old, I memorised the whole Bible for fun. </div>
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<b>BB: Would that be the King James or New International version?</b></div>
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<b>Baxter: </b>Both. I graduated from high school when I was 10. For a short time I was in the high school drama club and we performed Our Town for the school and our parents. Because of my talent for memorisation, I was the person who stood in the wings and cued the actors. On opening night Chelsea Hoffman totally forgot her lines and did not listen to my cue. I ran onstage, pushed Chelsea off the stage, then proceeded to recite the whole rest of the play. After my performance, I was banned from the drama club. </div>
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<b>BB: From reading your biography, you got a Bachelor's degree at age 13 and PhD at 16. How did you get from your Stateside university to Switzerland?</b></div>
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<b>Baxter: </b>After memorising the Bible, I also memorised the Koran, War and Peace, and the number Pi to 37,000 places, all while earning my degrees. But nobody would hire a scrawny 16-year-old with a PhD, even one with a memory like mine, so I looked for a bigger challenge. I decided to memorise the entire FIS Big Book of Rules. I thought that would be the ultimate test of my memory and lead to a job. </div>
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<b>BB: How many pages are in the Big Book of Rules?</b></div>
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<b>Baxter: </b>2,733 single-spaced pages. </div>
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<b>BB: Wow! That is a lot of pages and rules to memorise. Did you write to the FIS telling them of your intention to memorise the Big Book of Rules?</b></div>
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<b>Baxter: </b>No. I am from a small town in Nebraska. Our local newspaper wrote a story about my feat of memorising the whole Big Book of Rules and somehow the Swiss media picked it up. I was interviewed over the phone by a representative of the FIS, who quizzed me about trivial FIS rules. He was so impressed that I was hired on the spot as a special rules consultant. I moved to Switzerland two weeks later and started my job. Any time there is a dispute about rules, I am the first one called. </div>
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<b>BB: So you were the one who was consulted about Stefan Luitz and his supplemental oxygen?</b></div>
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<b>Baxter: </b>Yes. When Romain Velez and Adam Zampa found the oxygen tank and wanted to check the rules, I was called in as the final authority. </div>
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<b>BB: I see. Now the whole world knows that ski racers are not allowed to use supplemental oxygen. But what about other gases, like helium? Are they covered in the Big Book of Rules?</b></div>
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<b>Baxter: </b>Why would a ski racer want to inhale helium before a race?</div>
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<b>BB: Athletes have some crazy pre-competition rituals. Maybe a ski racer likes to talk in a squeaky voice to calm his pre-race nerves. Or he wants to sing in a silly voice while racing because that helps him concentrate.</b></div>
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<b>Baxter: </b>That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Where do you come up with these questions?</div>
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<b>BB: Let me explain the Boston Blickbild interview rules. The reporter, that would be me, asks the questions and the person being interviewed, which would be you, answers them. I'm sure that's easier for you to memorise than the first 16,152 digits of Pi. But I will answer your question. We at the Blickbild specialise in the absurd. If you want to answer normal questions, go back your little town in Nebraska and talk to their newspaper reporters. </b></div>
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<b>Baxter: </b>Oxygen is the only gas covered in the rules. </div>
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<b>BB: So theoretically a ski racer can legally inhale helium before a race?</b></div>
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<b>Baxter: </b>Yes.</div>
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<b>BB: So if Stefan Luitz had inhaled helium instead of oxygen before his second run in Beaver Creek, there would be no talk of stripping him of his win?</b></div>
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<b>Baxter: </b>Correct.<br />
<b>BB: I have another situation for you. Imagine that Aksel Lund Svindal and Kjetil Jansrud are in a hotel elevator together. Aksel had one too many helpings of beans and cabbage at dinner and lets loose with a huge expulsion of flatulence. Kjetil can't help but to breathe in Aksel's gas because they are in an enclosed space. How is fart gas handled in the Big Book of Rules? Would Kjetil be disqualified or barred from racing because he breathed in his teammate's noxious fart fumes?</b><br />
<b>Baxter: </b>As I said before, oxygen is the only gas covered in the Big Book of Rules. Kjetil would be punished in other ways by breathing in Aksel's intestinal gas; but he could race without any sanction or disqualification.<br />
<b>BB: It doesn't matter if Aksel's fart was silent but deadly, a squeaky tooter, or a sonic boomer?</b><br />
<b>Baxter:</b> No! I don't think that anyone ever asked me questions like this before. </div>
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<b>BB: That's because we ask the questions that nobody else dares to ask. Maybe being subjected to a fellow racer's windies should be in the rule book. If oxygen is bad, but flatulence is good, maybe Stefan Luitz should have been in an enclosed space with a farting teammate in Beaver Creek instead of breathing oxygen. Let's move on to Magnus Walch and his disqualification in Alta Badia and suspension for going over his course inspection time by 5 seconds. Don't you think that is a bit over the top?</b></div>
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<b>Baxter: </b>No. Course inspections are precisely timed down to the second. If we let one racer go 5 seconds over, the next one will want to take 6 seconds longer than the prescribed time and it could lead to chaos. Every racer is assigned a monitor who times his or her course inspection. We use accurate Swiss timing. </div>
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<b>BB: The Canadians were the ones who reported Herr Walch for taking those extra 5 seconds. Is there a rule about tattling on other countries' ski racers?</b></div>
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<b>Baxter: </b>No. Others are encouraged to come forward and report any violations.</div>
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<b>BB: I see. Suppose a racer decides that he does not need to use his full course inspection time. Is he punished for taking too little time?</b></div>
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<b>Baxter: </b>There is nothing in the rules about that. </div>
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<b>BB: I get it. Going over your time is bad but taking less than the prescribed time is okay. Now let's say that Marcel Hirscher decides to end his course inspection 10 seconds early. Can he give his 10 extra seconds to a teammate? </b><br />
<b>Baxter:</b> No.<br />
<b>BB: But in the US Congress, if a member does not use all of his or her prescribed speaking time, he or she can give that time to a colleague. The net time used stays the same, but different people can use different amounts depending on their needs as long as it does not go over the total allowable minutes. </b><br />
<b>Baxter: </b>This is ski racing, not the US Congress. So no, Marcel Hirscher cannot give his unused time to a teammate. Each racer has his or her individual allowable course inspection time, and no more.<br />
<b>BB: I am going to ask you about more rules violations. A few seasons ago, Tina Weirather was disqualified for wearing her arm guards over her racing suit sleeves instead of under them. Does it really matter where a racer wears her arm guards, as long as she has them?</b><br />
<b>Baxter: </b>Yes. Everything must be worn in the proper place. The FIS has special stealth technology to detect where a racer's arm guards are.<br />
<b>BB: Why do you need special stealth technology for that? I can use my eyes to see if a racer's arm guards are over or under her sleeves. </b><br />
<b>Baxter: </b>The human eye is amazing. But sometimes it is not perfect, thus the stealth technology. If the human eye was perfect, people would not need glasses.<br />
<b>BB: Fair enough. I know that the FIS is also strict about showing up precisely on time for bib draws.</b><br />
<b>Baxter: </b>That's right. An athlete must be exactly on time, not even one second late, to the bib draw. Otherwise, the racers will think that they can show up whenever they want to get their bibs.<br />
<b>BB: Wait a minute! If a racer is one second late to the bib draw, he is penalised?</b><br />
<b>Baxter: </b>Oh yes! He will start with bib 46, just like Bode Miller did a few years ago because he was late to the bib draw.<br />
<b>BB: What if the racer's watch or clock in his hotel room is not perfectly in synch with the official FIS clock? I can see being punished for being one minute late, but one second is a bit much. </b><br />
<b>Baxter: </b>It's a good thing that you don't work for the FIS. It is the racer's responsibility to ensure that his watch or the clock on his phone is synched up with the official FIS clock. The racers are all adults and should know to do this. If they can't get to the bib draw exactly on time, maybe they need to find a different job. Races are measured in hundredths of a second, so one second really is a long time.<br />
<b>BB: I assume that if a racer shows up 5 seconds early to the bib draw, he cannot give that time to a teammate who arrives 5 seconds late. Am I correct?</b><br />
<b>Baxter: </b>Yes.<br />
<b>BB: I am sensing a pattern here. On to another topic. Everyone knows that women can't compete in men's races and vice versa. But what would happen if a woman put on a fake beard and competed in a men's race? For example, Lindsey Vonn is as tall as most men. If she put on a fake beard and called herself Larry von Kildowski, could she compete in a men's race?</b><br />
<b>Baxter: </b>Only if she had a racing license under that name.<br />
<b>BB: You mean if Lindsey had only glued on a fake beard and taken out a racing license with a man's name, she could have competed in men's races?</b><br />
<b>Baxter: </b>It's not quite that simple.<br />
<b>BB: Is there anything in the Big Book of Rules which requires that men's beards be checked to ensure that they are not fake? </b><br />
<b>Baxter: </b>No.<br />
<b>BB: Since men's beards are not checked to see if they are real, could a woman with a fake beard technically sneak into a men's race?</b><br />
<b>Baxter: </b>I suppose so, but that has never come up before.<br />
<b>BB: It looks like the Big Book of Rules needs some revision and you will have to memorise it all over again. One more thing. As we stated before, women are not allowed to compete in men's races. But are they allowed to use the men's public toilets?</b><br />
<b>Baxter: </b>Why would a woman want to use a public men's toilet?<br />
<b>BB: It looks like someone forgot the rule about who is supposed to ask the questions. Maybe your memory is not so incredible after all. A lot of athletes in different sports have to pee before a competition. It's called pre-race nerves. Let's suppose that a female ski racer needs to use the toilet. There is a long line for the women's toilets but no line for the men's. If she waits in the women's line, she would be late reporting to the start area and disqualified for being tardy. So she uses the men's toilets. Is that okay according to the Big Book of Rules?</b><br />
<b>Baxter: </b>There is nothing in the Big Book of Rules which prohibits women from using a men's toilet.<br />
<b>BB: So a female racer can use men's toilets, but she cannot compete in a men's race?</b><br />
<b>Baxter: </b>That is correct.<br />
<b>BB: It looks like Lindsey can save her money by not buying a fake beard. She can use the men's toilets without one. Well, it looks like we are out of time. Poindexter, I want to thank you for this interview. It was very interesting to learn exactly what is covered and what is not in the Big Book of Rules. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview. </b><br />
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: Our reporters ask the questions and the people being interviewed answer them. Is that really so hard to understand?<br />
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The Boston Blickbild is on Facebook. If you enjoy our unique perspective on World Cup Alpine skiing, follow us on Facebook. We are also on Twitter as bostonblickbild.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-43697531410527761372018-12-05T19:09:00.000+01:002018-12-05T19:09:01.485+01:00Athlete Profile: Breezy Johnson<div style="text-align: center;">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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Breezy Johnson has established herself as one of the top downhill racers in the World Cup. Unfortunately, she will be out for this season because of an injury. Despite her injury, she keeps a positive attitude and is one of the most delightful female ski racers in the White Circus. One of our intrepid reporters caught up with Breezy at an undisclosed location in the States. She talks about food, her rehab, how she relieves stress, and her name. Let's find out what she has to say.</div>
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<b>BB: Your rise to becoming one of the top downhill racers is amazing. You have quietly worked your way up the standings in the past few seasons. What is your secret?</b></div>
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<b>Johnson: </b>A lot of hard work, waking up before the sun rises to train, listening to my trainers, and a large dose of self-belief. </div>
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<b>BB: Do you also eat a lot of Barilla pasta like Mikaela Shiffrin?</b></div>
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<b>Johnson: </b>I eat a healthy diet, which sometimes includes pasta. But I don't eat it at every meal. </div>
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<b>BB: When you travel around Europe during racing season, do you try the local foods?</b></div>
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<b>Johnson: </b>Oh yes! It makes me feel like a European and more connected to the other racers. </div>
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<b>BB: What is the most unusual thing that you have eaten in Europe?</b></div>
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<b>Johnson: </b>Hmmmmm.....one time I had Mexican food in Austria. Does that count?</div>
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<b>BB: That's not quite what I had in mind, but I will accept that answer. I was thinking more along the lines of lamb brains while in Val d'Isere or reindeer burgers in Are.</b></div>
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<b>Johnson:</b> The reindeer burgers sound okay, but I don't think I would knowingly eat lamb brains. </div>
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<b>BB: I would, but we Blickbild reporters are supposed to eat strange foods because we are intrepid. (short pause) You tore your ACL and have blogged about your recovery. The most remarkable thing is that you have such a positive attitude. How do you stay so positive, especially during racing season? You remind me of the people on the crosses at the end of Life Of Brian singing, "Always look on the bright side of life." </b></div>
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<b>Johnson: </b>I could have drowned my sorrows by drinking a lot of wine and eating junk food. But I decided to focus on recovery and a positive attitude helps.</div>
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<b>BB: You opted not to have surgery, like Carlo Janka. Do you think that will really work?</b></div>
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<b>Johnson: </b>In Norway they do physical therapy and rehab first and then decide if surgery is necessary. Kjetil Jansrud recovered from his torn ACL by doing physical therapy first and then having surgery. Carlo regained racing fitness without surgery. I hope not to have surgery. </div>
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<b>BB: Kjetil also had his grandmother's <i>ojlmsfjaegger</i> to help. They supposedly have medicinal value. Kjetil was even kind enough to send me some to give to you to aid your recovery.</b></div>
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<b>Johnson:</b> What are they exactly?</div>
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<b>BB: Only the most exotic food you will ever eat! Once you have a piece of Grandma Jansrud's <i>ojlmsfjaegger, </i>you will be begging for the recipe. </b></div>
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<b>Johnson: </b>Let's open the box and try it. (short pause as the box is opened) Oh they smell awful! They remind me of those things that Ragnhild Mowinckel eats. I'm not eating one unless you do.</div>
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<b>BB: I have eaten them before and lived to tell the tale. But it's your choice if you want a slower recovery from your injury and want to offend the Norwegian World Cup racers. Kjetil's grandmother took a lot of time to make these just for you. And it's not even your birthday!</b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>What does my birthday have to do with these things?<br />
<b>BB: <i>Ojlmsfjaegger</i> are eaten in Norway on birthdays. But since every day is someone's birthday, you can still enjoy them when it is not your birthday. You will be one of the very few Americans privileged enough to experience pickled cubes of reindeer heart covered in a special smoked salmon and chocolate sauce. Anyone can eat bland Mexican food in Austria. But very few outside Norway get to eat <i>ojlmsfjaegger.</i></b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>I'll eat one if you will. (there is a short pause as both of them eat a piece of <i>ojlmsfjaegger). </i>Let's just say that this an acquired taste. Maybe my mom or my dog will like them.<br />
<b>BB: Speaking of your dog, is he well-trained? I see photos of you with him on social media.</b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>Yes, he is great!<br />
<b>BB: So you have trained him not to pee on your friend's carpet or go poo in the VIP tent at races?</b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>Whose dog would do such a thing?<br />
<b>BB: Lindsey Vonn's dog Lucy. Lindsey has Lucy trained to pee or go poo in every inappropriate place imaginable. But let's move onto another subject. </b><b>You like to dive into icy lakes.</b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>Oh yes! It is a great stress reliever.<br />
<b>BB: Did you ever take gymnastics or diving lessons as a child? Your form in the air is quite good.</b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>No, I just do what feels natural. Have you ever tried diving into an icy lake?<br />
<b>BB: No. </b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>Wow, I am more intrepid than a Blickbild reporter!<br />
<b>BB: Excuse me, but nobody is more intrepid than a Blickbild reporter, except for a member of our research team. Let's go find an icy lake and dive in. (there is a long pause as our reporter and Breezy get some towels, walk out to the nearest icy lake, strip down to their underwear, and dive in.) </b><br />
<b>BB: (after getting out of the water and drying off) Holy sh*t that was cold! </b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>Isn't it refreshing? I bet you don't have a care the world now.<br />
<b>BB: You're right about that. I could not feel any stress if I tried. Any stress hormones can't move through my body because they are frozen. That is the real reason why you have no stress after diving into icy lakes.</b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>If you do it long enough, you get used to it and come to enjoy it. Diving into cold lakes is like eating those things from Granny Jansrud. It's an acquired thing.<br />
<b>BB: Are you sure that you are not a professional masochist?</b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>Very sure.<br />
<b>BB: Year after year, you remember your fans at each race venue. Do you have a little leprechaun sitting on your shoulder whispering their names in your ear?</b><br />
<b>Johnson:</b> No, I have always been good at recognising faces.<br />
<b>BB: Does the US Team have a witch doctor who gave you a magic facial recognition potion?</b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>The US Ski Team does not have a witch doctor.<br />
<b>BB: Are you really a space alien from the planet Zorkon?</b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>Where are you coming up with these questions? No, I am not a space alien, although the way Mikaela Shiffrin skis, she could be from another planet.<br />
<b>BB: We at the Blickbild ask the questions that nobody else dares to ask. And it is not so far-fetched about you being a space alien. Anna Veith was recruited to be part of the ski team from the planet Zorkon. Anyway, if you want to answer normal questions, talk to people from the Jackson Hole Gazette. (short pause) So you don't feel like your body has been taken over by aliens? How else does that explain your amazing memory for your fans and love for diving into very cold lakes?</b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>I have always been that way, so if my body was taken over by a space alien, it must have happened when I was very young because I have no memory of it.<br />
<b>BB: There is one more thing that I want to talk about with you...your name. Did your parents name you Breezy because they are former hippies?</b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>Breezy is not my birth name. I legally changed my name to Breezy a few years ago. My parents named me something else.<br />
<b>BB: Were you inspired by the 1973 film Breezy, starring William Holden and Kay Lenz, which is about a romance between a 50-year-old man and a 17-year-old girl named Breezy?</b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>I never heard of that movie. It sounds like the man was either just plain creepy or a pedophile.<br />
<b>BB: In the film Breezy's friends think that her man is creepy, while the man's friends tell him, "You have a 17-year-old girlfriend! You rock!" But all in all, it got bad reviews.</b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>I think I'll pass on watching that movie. But let's have some fun. If you can guess my birth name within 10 tries, I will eat all the rest of those reindeer and fish things. But if you can't guess it, they are all yours. I'll even give you a hint. It starts with a B, so we can eliminate names like Gertrude, Mildred, Gladys, or Agnes.<br />
<b>BB: You're on! Brunhilde?</b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>No.<br />
<b>BB: Bertha? </b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>No.<br />
<b>BB: Beulah? Beatrice?</b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b> No and no. You have six more guesses left.<br />
<b>BB: Babette? Blickbildia?</b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>Nice tries, but no. Blickbildia? Really? Four more guesses.<br />
<b>BB: Maybe your parents liked us so much that they named you after us. Everyone loves the only ski racing satire site on the Internet. People name their kids London, Madison, and Brooklyn because they love those places so much. </b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>But I was born before the Blickbild was founded. Keep guessing.<br />
<b>BB: Bessie? Beverly?</b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>Not even close! Two more tries.<br />
<b>BB: Bronwyn?</b><br />
<b>Johnson:</b> No! Last chance.<br />
<b>BB: Brumplestilskin?</b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>Brumplestilskin?<br />
<b>BB: Well, Rumplestilskin worked in the fairy tale, but you said that your birth name starts with a B. So I combined them. </b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>Unfortunately, life is not a fairy tale. And the name my parents originally gave me certainly was not Brumplestilskin. But you were a good sport and win the box of reindeer hearts.<br />
<b>BB: You're not going to tell the world your real name, are you?</b><br />
<b>Johnson: </b>Yes I will. It's Breezy.<br />
<b>BB: You got me there. Well, it looks like we are out of time. I want to thank you for taking the time to talk with us and going for a dip in the lake. We at the Blickbild wish you a full recovery and we are hoping to see you on the race pistes next season. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview. </b><br />
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: If any of us have daughters, we would name them Blickbildia.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-27265309044819799772018-11-28T07:36:00.001+01:002018-11-28T07:36:12.362+01:00Athlete Profile: Mikaela Shiffrin<div align="center">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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Two-time overall globe winner Mikaela Shiffrin started off in the World Cup as a teenage <em>wunderkind </em>and has matured into one of ski racing's superstars. Since her debut in the World Cup, she has kept her girl next door wholesomeness along with great sportsmanship. Mikaela is a real champion because of her graciousness in both victory and defeat as well as an interesting person to interview. One of our intrepid reporters caught up with Mikaela in Killington during a break in her training. Let's find out what she has to say...</div>
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<strong>BB: Thank you for taking some time to talk with us. You have always been a great interview subject. </strong></div>
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<strong>Shiffrin:</strong> Are you new? I have been interviewed by the Blickbild several times but never met you. </div>
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<strong>BB: Yes, I am new.</strong></div>
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<strong>Shiffrin:</strong> Are you as intrepid as your predecessors?</div>
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<strong>BB: Normally I am the one who is supposed to be asking the questions because I am the reporter and you are supposed to answer them because you are the ski racer. But because you are so nice, I will answer your question. I like to think that I am as intrepid as our other reporters. (short pause) Let's start off with a typical day in your life. What do you usually eat for breakfast? Barilla pasta?</strong></div>
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<strong>Shiffrin:</strong> No, I don't usually eat pasta for breakfast. I like to eat an omelet with one of Barilla's sauces. Barilla not only makes wonderful pasta, it makes good sauces. </div>
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<strong>BB: What is your favourite sauce to put on an omelet?</strong></div>
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<strong>Shiffrin: </strong>Barilla makes a very good arabiatta sauce. It has just the right amount of spiciness to start the day. </div>
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<strong>BB: Do you eat pasta for lunch and dinner?</strong></div>
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<strong>Shiffrin:</strong> Yes. Barilla makes a variety of pasta noodles and sauces. Sometimes I eat the pasta as a main dish and other times as a side dish.</div>
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<strong>BB: Do you sometimes mix other things into your pasta like your boyfriend Mathieu Faivre's mother's sheep spleens or <em>ojlmsfjaegger? </em>(see <a href="https://bostonblickbild.blogspot.com/2017/06/meet-world-cups-latest-power-couple.html">this story</a>) Both of these are good sources of protein, and we all know that athletes need protein for maintaining strong muscles. </strong></div>
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<strong>Shiffrin: </strong>Not this again with Mathieu's mother's sheep spleens! And what are <em>ojlmsfjaegger?</em></div>
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<strong>BB: They are cubes of pickled reindeer heart covered in a special smoked salmon and chocolate sauce. They are eaten in Norway on birthdays as special treats.</strong></div>
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<strong>Shiffrin: </strong>That sounds awful! Who would eat that?</div>
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<strong>BB: Everyone in Norway. They love <em>ojlmsfjaegger</em> in Norway. </strong></div>
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<strong>Shiffrin:</strong> So those are the funny things that Nina Haver-Loeseth, Ragnhild Mowinckel and Maren Skjoeld are always eating. I will stick to my Barilla pasta. </div>
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<strong>BB: Speaking of pasta, do you cook it or does your mother?</strong></div>
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<strong>Shiffrin:</strong> Usually Mom cooks for me, but sometimes I like to get creative in the kitchen and cook for myself. Barilla has many delicious recipes.</div>
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<strong>BB: So your mother still goes on tour with you? Isn't that a bit odd at your age?</strong></div>
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<strong>Shiffrin: </strong>Not really. Italian men live with their mothers until they are 40. A lot of men in the US are in their 30s and 40s and still live in their parents' basements. </div>
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<strong>BB: Touche! Does your mother make sure you eat all of your vegetables?</strong></div>
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<strong>Shiffrin: </strong>Yes. But I like vegetables, especially in Barilla pasta primavera. </div>
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<strong>BB: Does your mother tell you that you can't have dessert until you have eaten all of your vegetables?</strong></div>
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<strong>Shiffrin: </strong>No. As I said before, I like vegetables and eat them happily. Ski racers eat a healthy diet with a lot of fruits, vegetables, pasta, and protein. </div>
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<strong>BB: Does your mother make you sit at the table until you clean your plate?</strong></div>
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<strong>Shiffrin:</strong> No. I am an adult and choose my own portions. I usually eat everything on my plate. These questions are getting a bit absurd. </div>
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<strong>BB: You should know from previous interviews that the Blickbild specialises in the absurd. If you want the usual questions, talk to Ski Racing magazine. (short pause) <strong>You have won three reindeer in Levi. Do you check in on them through the special website that was provided to you?</strong></strong></div>
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<strong>Shiffrin: </strong>Oh yes! I love my reindeer! They are adorable!</div>
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<strong>BB: Your reindeer Rudolph and Sven look like they would have the perfect size hearts for <em>ojlmsfjaegger.</em> When Mr. Gru grows a little more, he will also have the right size heart. Would you ever--</strong></div>
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<strong>Shiffrin (horrified): </strong>I could never eat my reindeer! How could you even think such a thing?!?</div>
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<strong>BB: Even if Ragnhild Mowinckel gave you a cookbook with her favourite reindeer meat recipes? Reindeer meat could go well with Barilla pasta. It's an excellent source of protein.</strong></div>
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<strong>Shiffrin: </strong>No!!!!<br />
<b>BB: Do your reindeer get along well with each other? </b><br />
<b>Shiffrin:</b> I think so. They seem to play well together when I watch them on the website.<br />
<b>BB: So Rudolph and Sven are not suffering from any emotional disturbance because they have been replaced by the younger and cuter Mr. Gru?</b><br />
<b>Shiffrin:</b> I don't think that reindeer have mental illnesses. But I am beginning to wonder about you.<br />
<b>BB: Marcel Hirscher's first reindeer definitely had issues with being replaced by a younger model. </b><strong> Let's move on to a different subject. A couple of seasons ago, Lindsey Vonn's excuse coach offered to work with your mother and you to help you develop creative excuses when you did not win races. Did you ever work with him, and if so, how did those sessions go?</strong></div>
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<strong>Shiffrin: </strong>I worked with him once, but thought that he was weird. When I don't win, it is because someone else was faster than me that day and therefore she deserved her victory. Who would really believe that the wind, only one course inspection, or the snow being the wrong shade of white would cause someone to lose a race?<br />
<b>BB: This is why you are such a refreshing role model for good sportsmanship. You don't make excuses when you lose a race, but you congratulate the winners. Speaking of being a role model, you are a real inspiration for those who don't want to work long hours.</b><br />
<b>Shiffrin:</b> What!?! As a professional athlete, I work very hard to be in condition and at my best.<br />
<b>BB: The way I see it, you actually work for about 4 to 5 minutes a week. That is the combined time that you are on the course in a weekend of ski racing. Then you finish the race and eat a nice Barilla pasta meal that your mother cooked for you. OK, you have to work weekends, but most people could deal with that for a five-minute a week job. </b><br />
<b>Shiffrin:</b> I don't know where you are getting your information, but you are way off the mark. There is a lot of preparation during the week and off-season for those 5 minutes. I spend a lot of time training on snow and in the gym to prepare for my races.<br />
<b>BB: But the general public does not see you training. They only see you racing and think, "I want a job like Mikaela's where I only have to work a few minutes a week then eat pasta, get a massage, and create dance routines with my physiotherapist afterward." </b><br />
<b>Shiffrin:</b> I think that most people realise that being a professional athlete is more than just what happens on race day. First of all, there are many years of training just to make it to the World Cup. Then at the World Cup level, there is increased training to maintain my fitness level. I must train every day in the gym and on snow. If I want to stay the best, I need to train hard. Yes, I get massages, but they are therapeutic. And I eat Barilla pasta because I like it. Come and spend a week with me to see how hard a ski racer really works. I think that I work harder than you!<br />
<b>BB: There's no need to get testy. We at the Blickbild are not only intrepid, we are also hard-working. The real way to settle who works harder is to have a camera crew follow us for a week to show what we really do. OK, you may do more physically demanding work and wake up very early in the morning to train, but we Blickbild reporters have to eat sheep spleens, <i>ojlmsfjaegger, </i>and <i>surstroemming.</i> We travel the world, including places like Mongolia and the Mojave Desert, to bring our readers the stories that the others don't dare to print. Have you ever been to Mongolia?</b><br />
<b>Shiffrin: </b>No. But I have been in gyms all over Europe to maintain my fitness.<br />
<b>BB: One more question...how do you feel about the FIS proposal to make parallel races more interesting by giving the competitors guns or even bows and arrows?</b><br />
<b>Shiffrin:</b> I never heard that. How would I hold both my poles and a gun or bow and arrow? I would need more than two hands. And why would I want to shoot my competitors? They are very nice and I am honoured to be in the World Cup with them.<br />
<b>BB: You wouldn't be shooting them with real bullets; the guns would either have paint balls or use a laser tag system. Even the FIS realises that if the athletes end up shooting each other, there would be no more ski racing. </b><br />
<b>Shiffrin: </b>That's a relief. I really like my fellow ski racers, even if they eat weird things. But you never answered how I would hold a gun and poles at the same time.<br />
<b>BB: When you learned to ski, you started off without poles, correct?</b><br />
<b>Shiffrin:</b> Yes, but I started using poles after a short time like everyone else.<br />
<b>BB: So you know how to ski without poles already. And you have already won parallel races. All you need is a little target shooting practice and you could win parallel races with a gun. </b><br />
<b>Shiffrin: </b>I don't know....I would have to try and hit my opponent, who is a moving target, while avoiding being shot in the space of about 20 seconds.<br />
<b>BB: That's right. Think of the TV ratings and how more people in the States will be interested in ski racing because they love their guns. But the best part is the total time that you have to work is less than with a conventional race. </b><br />
<b>Shiffrin: </b>I think I will have to work even harder because I would need to ski well without poles and be a good shot. My work hours would double because of both ski training and target practice. There would be no time to sleep.<br />
<b>BB: But your hard work will be rewarded with more Barilla pasta. We all know that Barilla pasta is unbeatable, just like you. Well, it looks like we are out of time. I want to thank you for this interview and wish you even more success this season. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview. </b><br />
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: We work hard to ask the questions that nobody else dares to ask.<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">The Boston Blickbild is on Facebook. If you enjoy our unique perspective on World Cup Alpine skiing, please like us on Facebook. We are also on Twitter as bostonblickbild. </span></span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-90558858171504819152018-11-19T15:46:00.001+01:002018-11-19T15:46:42.654+01:00The New Start Order Ranking System <div style="text-align: center;">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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Last weekend in Levi ski fans were confused about Alexander Khoroshilov having bib 46 when he was in the top 15 just a few short seasons ago, while Matej Vidovic, who did not often score World Cup points, had start number 33. Well, dear readers, you are in luck. Our favourite contact at the FIS, Bob, is here to explain to one of our becoming-more-intrepid-but-still-not-yet-as-intrepid-as-our-original reporters how the new ranking system works. We guarantee that you will understand it clearly. Let's find out what Bob has to say...</div>
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<b>BB: I heard that the new ranking system, which goes into effect next season, is based on a lot of math. </b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>That's right. Here at the FIS we love statistics and even developed our own formula to go along with our statistics. At first we wanted to use the Quadratic Formula, and use FIS points, race results, and potential race results values for a, b, and c--</div>
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<b>BB: That sounds interesting, but we just received some breaking news. Marcel Hirscher's new reindeer, Mr. Snow, has disappeared under very mysterious and suspicious circumstances. What do you know about Mr. Snow's disappearance?</b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>This is the first I heard of it. </div>
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<b>BB: You mean to tell me that you work at the FIS and this is the first you heard of Mr. Snow's disappearance?</b></div>
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<b>Bob:</b> Uh, yes. What happened?</div>
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<b>BB: I was hoping that you would tell our readers. We just got a report from Finland that Mr. Snow vanished from his herd this morning.</b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>Maybe he just wandered off looking for food. Reindeer do that you know. Can we get back to the new ranking system? We at the FIS are very proud of it. </div>
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<b>BB: I'm sure it is a source of pride, and it puts your idle minds to work. After all, it was the FIS who came up with such brilliant ideas like sprint downhills, two-run downhills, three-run slaloms, and only allowing 50 athletes per race. Hmmmm....Maybe your minds should remain idle. </b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>We never implemented the three-run slalom or the 50 racer rule. </div>
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<b>BB: And it's a good thing or else we would never have seen Albert Popov and others with bib numbers over 50 in the second run of the Levi men's slalom. But let's get back to Mr. Snow's disappearance. Do you think that Marcel's first reindeer, Ferdinand, was involved? He is not exactly the most mentally stable reindeer in the herd. (see <a href="https://bostonblickbild.blogspot.com/2018/11/levi-reindeer-rage.html">this story</a>)</b><br />
<b>Bob:</b> I don't believe that a reindeer has the capability of making a herd mate disappear. Maybe Henrik Kristoffersen kidnapped Mr. Snow to make <i>ojlmsfjaegger</i> from his heart. When Marcel won Ferdinand, Henrik wanted to give Marcel his favourite recipe for reindeer stew.<br />
<b>BB: I remember that well. That was why Ferdinand was afraid to go up onto the podium after the race. But why pick on Henrik? He was not the only Norwegian racer in Levi. Jonathon Nordbotten, Sebastian Foss-Solevaag, and Nina Haver-Loeseth were also in Levi. Perhaps one of them took Mr. Snow. They probably wanted a reindeer because they don't have one. Henrik has Lars.</b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>But there is a real rivalry between Marcel and Henrik. In fact, Henrik has a motive because he seems to resent that Marcel almost always beats him. Marcel does not have such close competition with the others, so they don't really have a motive to steal Marcel's reindeer. Ms. Haver-Loeseth does not have anything against Marcel because she cannot compete in men's races. Now about our system for ranking racers. We had to discard using the Quadratic Formula because we now have more than three variables that we use for rankings.<br />
<b>BB: We will get to that after we finish talking about Mr. Snow--</b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>And when will that be?<br />
<b>BB: I ask the questions because I am the reporter and you are the person who works for the FIS. It looks like you want to accuse the Norwegians of foul play, or simply post-race hunger, in Mr. Snow's disappearance.</b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>Well the Norwegians taking a reindeer to make stew or <i>ojlmsfjaegger</i> is certainly more plausible than a reindeer being mentally ill and harming his herd mate.<br />
<b>BB: But there are plenty of reindeer in Norway, unless there is a difference in taste between Norwegian and Finnish reindeer. </b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>There could be. But about our new ranking system for start order--<br />
<b>BB: And who calls a reindeer Mr. Snow? Was there no blood flow to Marcel's brain after the race because all of his blood was still in his leg muscles? That has to be the most lame name ever. No wonder Mr. Snow disappeared! He was probably embarrassed by his name, so he snuck off to join another herd and change his name. </b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>Mystery solved why the reindeer disappeared. I really want to talk about start order ranking. I think that ski racing fans are more interested in that than what happened to a reindeer in Finland.<br />
<b>BB: How do you know what racing fans are interested in? You probably think that a parallel race where the athletes are armed with bows and arrows would be more exciting to ski racing fans than the classical ski racing disciplines.</b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>Parallel races with bows and arrows....wow, we never thought of that! I'll have to bring that up at our next meeting. I'm sure everyone will love it.<br />
<b>BB: We at the Blickbild are not only intrepid, we are creative. Which is more than we can say about Marcel's name for reindeer number three. By the way, what did Marcel name his new son?</b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>He never announced the child's name. We thought that was rather strange because other ski racers announce their new babies' names. But maybe Marcel prefers his privacy.<br />
<b>BB: I can see why he did not announce the child's name. If the best he could come up with for his reindeer was Mr. Snow, I'm sure he named his kid something like Mr. Hospital. If he and Laura end up having more than one child, I'd hate to find out what any others will be named. For the child's sake, we can only hope that Laura chose his name. </b><br />
<b>Bob:</b> When can I explain the new ranking system?<br />
<b>BB: Now. But make it quick, because we are almost out of time. </b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>The new ranking system takes into account the following factors: World Cup results from the previous season, World Cup results from this season, recent Europa Cup results, other continental cup results, FIS race results, World Championship and Olympics results, the racer's country, and the rankings of the other athletes in the field. It is explained by the simple formula: [WCP + 3.81(WCC)+ 1.22 (EC) + CC + 0.87(FIS) + 1.49 (WSC) +1.82 (OG)] * RC + - OR = FIS points. Our rankings are basically the athlete's FIS points. The lower the FIS points, the higher the ranking.<br />
<b>BB: Sounds very logical. I'm sure racing fans can figure it out and easily predict any athlete's bib number based on your formula. </b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>Don't you want to know how we assigned a numerical value to each country, how we figured the original variables for this formula, or how we converted Olympic and World Championship placement to ranking points? It took a lot of people many hours to come up with it.<br />
<b>BB: I'm sure it did, but you left out Junior World Championship and Topolino results. Shouldn't they also figure into the rankings, especially for younger racers?</b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>All that time spent developing this formula for figuring rankings and start order! Now we will have to go back and start all over again. I can't believe we left those things out! I hope that we can come up with a new formula by the start of next season.<br />
<b>BB: I'm sure you can. I have complete confidence in you and your other colleagues. You don't seem to have a lot of real work to do, so you should have plenty of time to fix your formula. Well, it looks like we are out of time. I want to thank you for another enlightening interview. We almost learned about why Matej Vidovic had a better bib than Alexander Khoroshilov in Levi. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview. </b><br />
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: We don't have a lame name. <br style="caret-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.199999809265137px;" /><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">The Boston Blickbild is on Facebook. If you enjoy our unique perspective on World Cup Alpine skiing, please like us on Facebook. We are also on Twitter as bostonblickbild. </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-6008926573261986252018-11-13T16:10:00.001+01:002018-11-13T16:10:16.031+01:00Levi Reindeer Rage<div style="text-align: center;">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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After over a year of our not-as-intrepid-as-our-original reporters disappearing, we found some new ones. However, they actually worked for real news sources and have journalistic standards. But we had to take what we could get. We sent one of these new reporters to Levi, where there is some strife in the herd which supplies reindeer to the slalom race winners. A photo of Marcel Hirscher's second reindeer, Leo, was posted on social media. Marcel's first reindeer, Ferdinand, was nowhere to be seen afterward. Rumours abound: did Leo kill Ferdinand, did Ferdinand run away and simply disappear, was he sold to the Norwegians for <i>ojlmsfjaegger, </i>or did something else sinister happen to him? Our not-very-intrepid-compared-to-his-predecessors reporter was sent to Finland to investigate this matter. He was able to score an interview with Matti, the reindeer herder who owns all of the reindeer which the racers in Levi win. Matti appeared with Leo by his side. Let's find out what he has to say....</div>
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<b>BB: On what date did Ferdinand disappear from your herd?</b></div>
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<b>Matti: </b>He never disappeared from my herd. In fact, he is alive and very well.<br />
<b>BB: Then he didn't die or run away to Norway?</b><br />
<b>Matti: </b>No, he is still in my herd.<br />
<b>BB: So he was not murdered, nor did anything else sinister happen to him?</b><br />
<b>Matti: </b>No, he is very much alive and in perfect health. </div>
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<b>BB: How can you tell if Ferdinand </b><b>is still in your herd? All of your reindeer look alike to me.</b></div>
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<b>Matti:</b> Not this again! I know every single one of my reindeer and can easily tell them apart. Ferdinand is still in my herd and I have the honour of taking care of him, just like with all of the other reindeer who have been awarded to Levi race winners. </div>
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<b>BB: So why is Leo here with you for our interview and not Ferdinand? Do you like Leo better, or is Ferdinand being punished for something?</b></div>
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<b>Matti: </b>I love all of my reindeer equally. They are my babies! Don't you love your children equally?</div>
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<b>BB: Of course I do. Hey, I'm supposed to be the one asking the questions here. Is Ferdinand being punished?</b></div>
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<b>Matti: </b>Of course not! How would I punish a reindeer? </div>
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<b>BB: How would I know? I'm a reporter, not a reindeer herder. You are supposed to know that stuff. What kind of reindeer herder are you if you don't know how to punish a recalcitrant reindeer?</b></div>
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<b>Matti: </b>I happen to be a very good reindeer herder! Otherwise, the FIS would not have entrusted me to take care of the Levi winners' reindeer. What kind of reporter are you for not getting any background information about me or my herd?</div>
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<b>BB: I happen to be an excellent reporter! Intrepid too. And I ask the questions because I am the reporter and you answer them because you are the reindeer herder. Now that that's settled, why is Ferdinand with the rest of the herd and not with you and Leo now?</b></div>
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Suddenly Leo starts making a lot of noises. Matti turns his attention to Leo.</div>
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<b>Matti: </b>Really? No! That can't be!</div>
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<b>BB: What is he saying? </b></div>
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<b>Matti: </b>Leo said that after his photo was posted on social media, Ferdinand drew a stick figure reindeer and wrote, "Leo is a poopy head" on a tree. </div>
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<b>BB: Wait a minute! How do I know you're not making this up?</b></div>
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<b>Matti: </b>Just like a parent knows what a baby who can't talk yet is saying, I know what my reindeer are telling me. They are my babies. And they all get along very well with each other. </div>
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<b>BB: But a reindeer drawing a picture and writing on a tree? Why don't we bring Ferdinand here to get his side of the story?</b></div>
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<b>(</b>there is a break in the interview while Matti fetches Ferdinand)</div>
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<b>BB: Are you really Ferdinand, or another reindeer that Matti picked out of the herd to fool me since I wouldn't know the difference?</b></div>
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<b>Matti: </b>Of course this is Ferdinand! I am offended that you are questioning my honesty. My reindeer are my babies and I can tell which one is Ferdinand. </div>
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<b>BB: Ferdinand, did you draw a picture of a reindeer and write, "Leo is a poopy head" on a tree?</b></div>
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<b>Ferdinand (speaking though Matti): </b>Of course not! How can I draw pictures or write? I have hooves, not fingers! How can I hold a pencil with a hoof? Leo is delusional.</div>
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<b>Leo: </b>I am not! You just hate me because I am younger and cuter than you. </div>
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<b>Ferdinand: </b>You are just jealous because Tanja likes me better than you. She likes age and experience over youth and immaturity.</div>
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<b>BB: Who is Tanja?</b></div>
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<b>Matti:</b> One of my other reindeer. </div>
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<b>Leo: </b>Do you know what else Ferdinand did? He put a copy of 365 Ways to Cook Reindeer in my special sleeping spot.</div>
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<b>Ferdinand:</b> How could I put a book where you like to sleep? First of all, I would have to leave the herd, go into town, buy a book, bring it back, and put it in Leo's sleeping spot. I would think that Matti would notice if I was missing. Secondly, that sounds like something that Henrik Kristoffersen would do. Anyway, I am a reindeer and cannot read. </div>
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<b>BB: You seem to be rather intelligent, so maybe you really can read but you're holding back because you don't want to appear intellectually superior to your herd mates. </b></div>
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<b>Matti:</b> Reindeer can't read. Anyway, if Ferdinand could read, he would be wearing glasses so that he would look smarter than the others. As we can see, he is not wearing glasses. Ergo, he cannot read. </div>
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<b>BB: Right. Unless--</b></div>
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<b>Leo:</b> Then how do you explain the letter that I received with Grandma Jansrud's recipe for <i>ojlmsfjaegger*? </i>Ferdinand is the only one who would think to do such a thing. He has been trying to get rid of me since my photo was posted on Facebook. </div>
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<b>Matti: </b>What is going on here? My reindeer have always gotten along well. And when did they learn to read?</div>
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<b>BB: I'll tell you what else is happening here--</b></div>
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<b>Ferdinand:</b> OK! I confess! Yes I drew the picture, put the book in Leo's sleeping spot, and sent the letter with the <i>ojlmsfjaegger </i>recipe. And I can read, as can Leo. Do you want to know why I did those things? I need ski racing fans to realise that I still exist. Leo is not Marcel Hirscher's only reindeer. I was his reindeer first. Leo, you better watch out! You may be the young and cute one now, but if Marcel wins another reindeer this weekend, you will be yesterday's news. Look at what happened to Lindsey Vonn's dogs Leo and Bear after she got Lucy. She stashed them away somewhere in Colorado and only takes Lucy everywhere she goes. Leo and Bear could have run away or died, but nobody would notice or care.<br />
<b>BB: What about Mikaela Shiffrin's reindeer Rudolph and Sven? Wouldn't they have the same issues as you two?</b><br />
<b>Ferdinand: </b>No. Rudolph and Sven are ordinary reindeer and don't know how to read or write. If Mikaela won a third reindeer, Rudolph and Sven would get along fine with him, unless they all fight over a female. Then all bets are off. </div>
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<b>BB: You not only have reindeer who can read, but you seem to have the world's only psychotic reindeer, although he does have a point with Lindsey Vonn's dogs. You really need to find a family therapist who specialises in reindeer herds.</b></div>
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<b>Matti: </b>I don't think they have family therapists for reindeer. They are just for people.</div>
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<b>BB: Then I suggest you find a good human family therapist who will take your reindeer too. You will need one, especially if Marcel Hirscher wins again in Levi. Two reindeer who can read, one of which is psychotic, will be a deadly combination going after a third reindeer. Good luck getting your herd back in order. You will need it. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview. </b><br />
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: Our reporters can read, but they are not psychotic.<br />
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The Boston Blickbild is on Facebook. If you enjoy our unique perspective on World Cup Alpine skiing, please like us on Facebook. We are also on Twitter as bostonblickbild.<br />
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* For our newer readers, <i>ojlmsfjaegger</i> are cubes of pickled reindeer heart covered in a special smoked salmon and chocolate sauce. They are eaten in Norway on birthdays.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-82762731776719103562017-10-31T17:08:00.000+01:002017-10-31T17:08:09.646+01:00Ted Ligety vs the Austrian Ski Federation (OeSV)<div style="text-align: center;">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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We thought that our band of intrepid reporters and researchers were sucked into a black hole because they all disappeared. They have come back to us, but who knows for how long. Hey, we will take them for as long as they are willing to stay. Anyway, the men's giant slalom race in Soelden was cancelled due to bad weather. Ted Ligety accused the OeSV of engineering the race cancellation because superstar Marcel Hirscher was unable to compete there due to an injury. The Austrians thought that Ligety's comments were over the top. We wanted to talk to both Ted Ligety and someone from the OeSV to get both sides of the story, but Ted was not available. But OeSV president Peter Schroecksnadel was willing to talk to our intrepid reporter. Let's find out what he has to say.<br />
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<b>BB: As everyone knows, Sunday's race in Soelden was cancelled due to high winds, rain, and fog. Why was it cancelled at 6:45 and not closer to the 10:00 race time?</b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel: </b>It was already very windy and rather foggy at 6:45 and the forecast was for the weather to get worse as the day went on. It also would not have been safe to bring shuttle buses full of athletes, servicemen, trainers, and fans up the hill to the race area. The wind got up to 150 kilometers per hour. Athlete safety is important.<br />
<b>BB: Ted Ligety tweeted that the race was cancelled before any course inspection, which is not normal. Why was the race cancelled without an inspection?</b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel:</b> Again, it was not safe to bring buses up the mountain to the race area. We watched the weather forecasts all night and knew that the weather would get a lot worse throughout the day before it would improve in the evening. I'm sure that Ted would have been upset if he was doing a course inspection and then was stuck on the hill in a raging storm because the shuttle buses were not running to bring him down. As far as I am concerned, we made the right call to cancel the race.<br />
<b>BB: How far in advance did you know about this storm? It seems like the week before the race, the forecast was for nice weather.</b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel:</b> We knew about the storm three days before the race. The women's race was given the green light because the forecast was for moderate wind. There were no major problems on Saturday except for some wind later in the day. But the Sunday forecast was for stormy weather that would have been unsafe for the racers.<br />
<b>BB: Ted Ligety accused you along with the FIS for pre-planning to cancel the race several days in advance. Is this true?</b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel: </b>Of course not! Sometimes the weather man is correct and other times he is not. We were hoping that the storm would come later, or even not at all, but it was not to be. Everyone was hoping that there would be a race.<br />
<b>BB: The OeSV is also accused of cancelling the race because Marcel Hirscher was not competing due to a fractured ankle. There was suspicion because a race in Austria was cancelled because Austria's big superstar was absent and this could help him in his quest for a 7th consecutive overall title.</b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel: </b>Marcel is not our only good skier. There are three other Austrians in the top 16 on the World Cup start list. We would not win the Nations Cup every year if we only had one ski racer. (short pause) Let's say that the race was in the USA and Ted was out due to an injury. If the race were cancelled due to the weather, would people be suspicious that it was being cancelled to protect Ted? No! Ted is naturally upset about not getting to compete, but he is being a big baby about it. He needs to go to a safe space with his new baby's teddy bear.<br />
<b>BB: Did the OeSV and the FIS conspire to create this storm? </b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel: </b>What???<br />
<b>BB: A week before the race the forecast was for nice weather. Suddenly, three days before the men's race, the weather man is predicting a big storm to hit Soelden. What happened in those four days?</b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel:</b> A storm front materialised. It was a big one that affected all of Austria and a lot of Germany.<br />
<b>BB: So you are saying that the OeSV did not create this storm for the purpose of cancelling the first men's race of the season?</b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel: </b>No. The OeSV can control its ski racers, but we cannot control the weather.<br />
<b>BB: What about hiring a witch doctor to conjure up this storm?</b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel:</b> We don't need witch doctors! We are Austria! Remember who wins the Nations Cup every year. Austria is not like those wimpy countries who need witch doctors and their potions to help them win. We win because ski racing is in the Austrian DNA!<br />
<b>BB: Yes Austria is the mighty Power Team. We thought that the OeSV is using Austria's super powers to create a storm big enough to warrant cancelling a race.</b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel:</b> People can't control the weather, not even witch doctors from what I hear. At the World Cup finals in 2011, the FIS and German Ski Federation were accused of creating weather bad enough to cancel the last women's giant slalom of the season and give the overall globe to Maria Hoefl-Riesch. Of course they did not control the weather, but conspiracy theorists and Lindsey Vonn's fans still believe it.<br />
<b>BB: Did the OeSV pay off the weather gods to bring this storm?</b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel:</b> There are no such things as weather gods. People can't control Mother Nature.<br />
<b>BB: Oh yes they can! The Indians in the US do rain dances and the next day it rains. By the way, was there a group of Indians in Soelden doing a rain dance?</b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel:</b> I did not see any Native American Indians doing any rain dances in Soelden or in the nearby area.<br />
<b>BB: What about your racers dressing up as Indians and doing a rain dance? I saw that Roland Leitinger was reading a book about Colorado Indians and their traditions. Perhaps he convinced his teammates to dress up like Indians and do a rain dance. After all, Halloween is just around the corner.</b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel:</b> I keep a close eye on my athletes and I would have known if any of them snuck out to do a rain dance. Roland was reading the book to learn about Colorado. He will be going to Beaver Creek for the giant slalom at the end of November and wanted to learn the history of the area.<br />
<b>BB: What about FIS and OeSV officials dressing up as Indians and doing a rain dance?</b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel: </b>There were no Indians in Soelden. Nobody dressed up like Indians and did a rain dance to try and influence the weather! Can we move on?<br />
<b>BB: Okay. Did anyone from the OeSV find a magic lamp with a genie in it who granted him the wish of a big storm on race day?</b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel:</b> No! The race was in Austria, not Arabia! People find Yetis in the mountains here, not magic lamps with genies.<br />
<b>BB: Fair enough. Ted Ligety mentioned in one of his tweets that there was possible Russian collusion with the OeSV to cause this storm and cancel the race. Is that true?</b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel:</b> No, no no! Nobody in the OeSV, nor anyone on the FIS Technical Committee, is Russian. There was a Russian racer on Sunday's start list, but that's the extent of Russian involvement in the race.<br />
<b>BB: Are any of the Austrian trainers really Russian spies who are working undercover?</b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel:</b> We do not have any Russian undercover agents masquerading as Austrian ski trainers. It would have been easy to pick out foreign agents working as ski trainers because we test their DNA as part of the process to become a trainer. We would have found that a foreigner did not have the special Austrian ski racing gene and he would not have been hired.<br />
<b>BB: What about your racers? Is it possible that Marcel Hirscher is really a Russian agent who had a gene transplant to fool the DNA testers? After all, Marcel and Russian slalom specialist Alexander Khoroshilov have trained together in the past. Maybe he and his fellow Russians were the ones who caused the storm.</b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel: </b>Now you are getting really absurd!<br />
<b>BB: Of course I am getting absurd. We at the Blickbild ask the absurd questions that nobody else dares to.</b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel:</b> Marcel Hirscher, and the rest of my racers, are 100% Austrian. We do not have any Russians on the Austrian team! All of the athletes in Soelden really wanted to race. Manuel Feller even posted on his Facebook page that everyone wanted to race on Sunday. The Russians had nothing to do with the decision to cancel the race.<br />
<b>BB: So you are saying that the storm and ensuing race cancellation were not caused by: the FIS, the OeSV, a witch doctor, Native American Indians doing a rain dance, Austrian ski racers or FIS officials dressing up as Indians and doing a rain dance, a genie from a magic lamp, or the Russians? </b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel: </b>That is correct. Ski racing is an outdoor sport and the athletes know what they are signing up for when they become ski racers. Cancellations due to bad weather are part of the game and not part of a grand conspiracy to favour certain racers.<br />
<b>BB: So who caused the storm?</b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel:</b> Nobody. It just happened. How many times do I have to repeat that the OeSV does not have the power to control the weather?<br />
<b>BB: There are rumours that Ted Ligety is planning to sue the FIS and OeSV for mental anguish because of this race cancellation. Have you heard anything about it?</b><br />
<b>Schroecksnadel:</b> No, but I am not surprised. It is the American way to sue people for any little thing. If he wants to sue someone, it should be Mother Nature.<br />
<b>BB: Ligety versus Mother Nature would be an interesting lawsuit indeed. Well, it looks like we are out of time. Herr Schreocksnadel, I want to thank you for this interesting interview. We at the Blickbild wish the Austrian team a successful season. Oh, watch out if you hear Marcel Hirscher suddenly using Russian phrases. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview.</b><br />
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: We need to find that book about Colorado Indians so that we can learn a rain dance.<br />
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The Boston Blickbild is on Facebook. If you enjoy our unique perspective on World Cup Alpine skiing, please like us on Facebook. We are also on Twitter as bostonblickbild.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-41499163545168060502017-07-03T15:31:00.000+02:002017-10-29T21:46:52.574+01:00Life On Other Worlds<div style="text-align: center;">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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This is a slow time for ski racing fans. We are halfway between the end of last season and the start of the next one. Ski racers are taking holidays or starting their dry land training. Because there is not much news, we are going to take a break from ski racing and talk about astronomy. The planet Zorkon in the Andromeda Galaxy has been mentioned many times in our articles. Both Anna Veith and Henrik Kristofferson have been recruited to compete for Zorkon. But what is Zorkon really like? Would exiled ski racers really like it there? To answer these questions, and more, one of our intrepid reporters went to the University of California Berkeley astronomy department and talked to one of the astronomers, who wanted to be identified as David. Let's find out what he has to say...</div>
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<b>BB: Your department was the first to identify the planet Zorkon. How did you discover it?</b></div>
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<b>David: </b>My colleagues and I have spent many years researching other galaxies and trying to discover if there were other planets were capable of supporting life. About two years ago my partner Miroslav Zorkowicz--<br />
<b>BB: Are you two--</b><br />
<b>David:</b> Yes, we work together and share an office, and no we are not gay. We are both researching stars in other galaxies to see if there are any other planets with life on them.<br />
<b>BB: So Zorkon was named for Professor Zorkowicz. I can see why it was called Zorkon instead of Zorkowicz. Can you imagine a solar system with Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, and Zorkowicz? </b><br />
<b>David: </b>Pluto is no longer classified as a planet. It is a dwarf planet. Our solar system has 8 planets and 1 dwarf planet.<br />
<b>BB: I was alive when Pluto was still a real planet and it will always be one to me. OK, so you and Dr. Zorkowicz were looking for other worlds with life on them. It looks like you found one in the Andromeda Galaxy. </b><br />
<b>David: </b>We found the star AN17325CX and noticed that it had six bodies orbiting it. We figured out that they were planets. Calculating the star's brightness, the distance of Zorkon from it, and Zorkon's atmosphere, Dr. Zorkowicz and I figured out that it could support life. It was he who made the determining calculation, but it should have been me.<br />
<b>BB: What do you mean it should have been you?</b><br />
<b>David: </b>I was late to work on the day that Miroslav made the final calculations about Zorkon's atmosphere. I am usually in the lab before him, but not on that fateful day. My bike got a flat tire and had to stop to patch the inner tube. The patch did not work, so I had to put on the spare inner tube. In the time I was fixing my bike tire, Miroslav had his "Eureka moment" and told the rest of the department. By the time I got to work, the planet had already been named.<br />
<b>BB: Sometimes fate plays cruel tricks. I could have been a reporter for the New York Times, but ended up at the Blickbild. I missed my interview with the Times because I took a local subway train instead of an express. They have no tolerance for lateness. But enough about me and my failing career as a reporter. Can you pick one of those other five planets to be named after you? After all, you were part of the dynamic duo which discovered them.</b><br />
<b>David: </b>I suppose I could, but it would not be the same as being named for a planet that actually has life on it.<br />
<b>BB: Jupiter and Saturn don't have life and they are pretty cool. Jupiter is large and has the mysterious Big Red Spot. Saturn has rings. I would not mind having a ringed planet named for me. You said earlier that Zorkon's atmosphere could support life. Is is similar to Earth's?</b><br />
<b>David: </b>We analysed data from Zorkon and found that its atmosphere is very similar to ours. It has slightly more oxygen and helium and less nitrogen. But humans could probably survive there without having to wear space suits.<br />
<b>BB: Do the Zorkonians talk with squeaky voices from the helium?</b><br />
<b>David: </b>I don't know. We haven't seen any Zorkonians or recorded their voices.<br />
<b>BB: And the Zorkonians could theoretically survive on Earth?</b><br />
<b>David: </b>Yes.<br />
<b>BB: Not to take away from Professor Zorkowicz's discovery, but we at the Blickbild already knew that there was life on Zorkon. After all, someone had to recruit both Anna Veith and Henrik Kristoffersen to race for Zorkon. </b><br />
<b>David: </b>That is true. If ski racers were to compete for Zorkon, there is the matter of getting there. The Andromeda Galaxy is almost two million light years away. They would never survive the trip, even if we had spaceships that could travel at the speed of light.<br />
<b>BB: When you look at Zorkon, you are seeing it as it was two million years ago. Let's suppose that life evolved on Zorkon between two million years ago and now. And also let's imagine that the Zorkonians are extremely intelligent and discovered a way to travel through space from one point to another in an instant. </b><br />
<b>David: </b>You mean like the teleportation device in Star Trek?<br />
<b>BB: Exactly! Do you think that Zorkonians could have discovered the Earth and are on it right now?</b><br />
<b>David: </b>Anything is possible, but I haven't seen any alien beings on Earth.<br />
<b>BB: You could be looking in the wrong places. Who do you think built the Egyptian pyramids or made those weird crop circles in England? They were not made by ordinary men. Perhaps the Zorkonians have been traveling to Earth thousands of years ago.</b><br />
<b>David: </b>This is starting to get a bit absurd.<br />
<b>BB: The Blickbild specialises in the absurd. But the way I look at it, neither you nor Professor Zorkowicz should claim credit for discovering life on Zorkon. OK, maybe he was really the first to find it---</b><br />
<b>David:</b> We both found it! Together! He just got the credit of having it named for him because of my bloody flat tire! I would have been on time to work if it wasn't for that tire! That planet would have been named for me and not that publicity hound!<br />
<b>BB: Let me rephrase the question. Maybe the Zorkonians don't look like alien beings because they have been on Earth for so long and have evolved to look like us. You have seen enough TV programs and movies where space aliens look human. </b><br />
<b>David:</b> Of course I have. But they are science fiction and not based in reality. There is one question though: why are the Zorkonians interested in recruiting ski racers to compete for their planet? That does not make sense.<br />
<b>BB: Of course it does. If Zorkonians were on Earth, chances are some would have made it to Austria and seen a ski race or two, either live or on TV. We all know that the only thing on Austrian TV is ski racing. Who knows, the Zorkonians could have brought an Austrian TV back to their home planet and showed it to their comrades. Next thing you know, everyone on Zorkon wants to become a ski racer. </b><br />
<b>David: </b>Wait a minute! You know nothing about how television works. A TV signal cannot travel two million light years from Austria to Zorkon. This is getting more and more ridiculous.<br />
<b>BB: There is one more question. Some of our current ski racers, like Marcel Hirscher, or Mikaela Shiffrin, seem almost superhuman because they are so consistently good. Do you think they are really Zorkonians? </b><br />
<b>David: </b>They certainly seem human to me, but I am beginning to wonder about you. I have never been asked such outlandish questions in my life. You certainly seem to know an awful lot about Zorkon that was never published.<br />
<b>BB: Of course I do because I work for a ski racing site. It is my responsibility to know everything that goes on in the ski racing world. I knew about Zorkon before you and Dr. Zorkowicz. By all rights that planet should be named after me, or at least after the Blickbild. We could have named the planet Intrepidus instead of Zorkon. You and Dr. Zorkowicz should be ashamed of yourselves for trying to steal our work.</b><br />
<b>David: </b>How were we supposed to know that a ski racing parody site discovered a planet before we did? You don't exactly have a lot of followers.<br />
<b>BB: If you were paying any attention, you would have followed us. Well, it looks like we are out of time. I want to thank you for this interview. Perhaps the next time you find a planet, you will check with us to see if someone else already discovered it. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview. </b><br />
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: We really are human, though we have been mistaken for alien beings.<br />
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The Boston Blickbild is on Facebook. If you enjoy our unique perspective on World Cup Alpine skiing, please like us on Facebook. We are also on Twitter as bostonblickbild.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-47516490004296220732017-06-27T21:59:00.002+02:002017-06-27T21:59:51.450+02:00Meet the World Cup's Latest Power Couple<div style="text-align: center;">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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It is all over the Internet that French giant slalom specialist Mathieu Faivre is Mikaela Shiffrin's new boyfriend. Just like Benni and Marlies and Aksel and Julia in past years, Mathieu and Mikaela are the new Alpine skiing power couple. We would normally avoid ski racing celebrity gossip like a nudist avoids clothing. But we could not resist this story. One of our intrepid reporters caught up with Mathieu and Mikaela while they were on holiday together in Paris. Let's find out what they have to say. </div>
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<b>BB: How are you two enjoying Paris?</b></div>
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<b>Shiffrin: </b>It is a beautiful city. And very romantic. </div>
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<b>Faivre: </b>I am also enjoying Paris and my time with Mikaela.</div>
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<b>BB: Mikaela, is it true what they say about French men?</b></div>
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<b>Shiffrin: </b>Yes. French men have such great accents. I adore Mathieu's accent when he speaks English.</div>
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<b>BB: We all know that the French like to eat snails. Mathieu, have you made Mikaela eat snails?</b></div>
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<b>Faivre: </b>No. She seems to prefer her Barilla pasta. </div>
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<b>BB: What about mixing some snails into Mikaela's pasta? They are a good source of protein.</b></div>
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<b>Faivre: </b>I eat snails but have not snuck any into Mika's pasta yet.</div>
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<b>Shiffrin: </b>Would you really do something like that?</div>
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<b>Faivre: </b>Of course not, <i>cherie</i>. </div>
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<b>BB: Mathieu, a lot of people in France eat organ meats. Have you ever made pig kidneys or cow brains for Mikaela?</b></div>
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<b>Faivre: </b>Not yet. But if things become more serious with Mika, I will give her my mother's recipe for sheep spleens. Nothing says <i>amour</i> like <i>Maman's</i> sheep spleens in red wine sauce. </div>
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<b>Shiffrin: </b>I'm sure they are very good. But I think I will stick with my pasta. </div>
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<b>Faivre: </b>You are not very adventurous. France is the home to the world's best cuisine and you only want to eat pasta. </div>
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<b>Shiffrin: </b>I'd rather eat pasta than weird animal organs! Who in their right mind eats animal spleens anyway? Do you eat gall bladders too?</div>
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<b>BB: Mathieu, I'm sure that your <i>maman's</i> sheep spleens are the world's best. Maybe one day Mikaela will come around and enjoy them as much as you do. And Mikaela, you remind me of Julia Mancuso. She really caused a scandal when when she refused to eat <i>ojlmsfjaegger</i> at Akel Lund Svindal's brother's birthday party. One of the reasons that Aksel and Julia broke up was that she refused to learn how to make <i>ojlmsfjaegger.</i> Things could end very quickly between you and Mathieu because you won't learn how to cook his favourite sheep spleens.</b></div>
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<b>Faivre: </b>I happen to have some of <i>Maman's</i> sheep spleens with me. She made some especially for this interview. Would you like to try some?</div>
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<b>BB: I'd really love to, but I'm a vegetarian.</b></div>
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<b>Faivre: </b>No you're not! Nice try! You are not intrepid at all.</div>
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<b>BB: Wait a minute! The Blickbild has the most intrepid reporters in the business. Bring on those sheep spleens!</b></div>
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<b>Faivre: </b>I guarantee, you will love them as much as I do. </div>
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<b>BB: OK here goes...one....two....three....(short pause)....Interesting. I think you have to be French to truly appreciate them. Onto the next topic....It is hard for ski racers to maintain a relationship because they are separated for practically the whole season. What makes you think that your relationship could last? It did not work so well for Aksel and Julia.</b></div>
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<b>Shiffrin: </b>It worked out very well for Benni Raich and Marlies Schild. They ended up getting married and she has a second baby on the way. </div>
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<b>BB: But it did not work out so well for Aksel and Julia.</b></div>
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<b>Shiffrin: </b>Aksel and Julia were together for four years. That is a long time. </div>
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<b>BB: But Julia refused to learn how to make one of Aksel's favourite foods. Marlies regularly cooks schnitzel for Benni. Do you see the difference?</b></div>
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<b>Shiffrin: </b>I see where you're going. This has nothing to do with being separated for a good part of every year, but it's all about Mathieu's mother's sheep spleens. </div>
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<b>Faivre: </b>How do you know what they taste like when you have never tried them? Even our interviewer tasted them. </div>
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<b>BB: Let's move on to another topic. Mathieu, Mikaela has mentioned that she would like to race against men. How would you feel if she beat you in a race?</b></div>
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<b>Faivre: </b>That is a silly question because she would not beat me. </div>
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<b>Shiffrin: </b>How do you know? You and I have never raced against each other, though I am very fast on my roller blades. I could probably beat you roller blading. </div>
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<b>Faivre: </b>We will never know because the FIS does not allow men and women to race against each other. It's just like how do you know that you dislike <i>Maman's </i>sheep spleens when you refuse to try them?</div>
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<b>Shiffrin: </b>I bet you can't go the rest of this interview without mentioning Mom's sheep spleens. Isn't it enough that I enjoy French croissants, cheese, pastries, and wine? </div>
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<b>BB: Let's get off the subject of food completely, since it seems to cause a lot of tension. Mikaela, it seems like you only date ski racers. Is that really true?</b></div>
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<b>Shiffrin: </b>A fellow ski racer knows what it is like to be one, so we have that in common. It makes it easier to deal with everything when your boyfriend has the same experiences as you.</div>
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<b>BB: That is understandable. Mathieu understands what it is like to be a successful ski racer because he is one himself. You could use your relationship with Mathieu to promote your sport in the States. </b></div>
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<b>Shiffrin: </b>I don't think that having a French boyfriend will help promote ski racing in the US.</div>
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<b>BB: Sure it will. Lindsey Vonn thinks that she is promoting ski racing by posing in a bikini or nude with a painted-on swimsuit. But how many kids have taken up ski racing because of Lindsey posing half-naked?</b></div>
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<b>Faivre: </b>Men and teenage boys like seeing Lindsey in a bikini, though I personally prefer Mika.</div>
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<b>BB: Good save. But here is my logic. If Mikaela will only date ski racers, and boys would do anything to have a chance with her, what will they do? Take up skiing and become racers. A select few will make it to the World Cup, where they would have a real chance of dating Mikaela. But in the meantime, a lot of boys who would have otherwise played baseball, football (soccer to our North American readers), or basketball would be taking ski lessons and learning how to race. The sport gets a big boost and there could be some new stars on the US Ski Team. </b></div>
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<b>Shiffrin: </b>I thought that winning World Championship and Olympic gold medals helps to promote ski racing. </div>
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<b>BB: That concept is so 2010. Same with posing in a bikini. Now the best way to make ski racing grow is to date a fellow racer. Boys will become ski racers in order to woo Mikaela. Mathieu, the men's World Cup future stars will thank you for inspiring them to take up skiing. </b></div>
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<b>Faivre: </b>Wow, I never thought that I would help to promote ski racing in America.</div>
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<b>BB: And you would not only help ski racing grow in the States, you could also start a new culinary trend with your <i>maman's</i> sheep spleens. Now that is what I call a win-win situation. Well, it looks like we are out of time. I want to thank you both for this interview and wish the two of you success in the coming season. We at the Blickbild look forward to watching you race. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview. </b></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-51216246991569138952017-06-21T17:23:00.000+02:002017-06-21T17:23:45.425+02:00The Henrik Kristoffersen Saga Continues<div style="text-align: center;">
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A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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Norwegian technical ace Henrik Kristoffersen has been dismissed from the Norwegian ski team. He is not allowed to train with the team or steal <i>ojlmsfjaegger</i> from the team's training table. The official reason is that he wants to be like his teammate Aksel Lund Svindal and have Red Bull as his head sponsor instead of Telenor like everyone else on the team. But, according to the Norwegian federation, Henrik also violated team rules and needed to be taught a lesson. What will he do? Will he train independently or join another team? How will this affect him being able to compete in the upcoming Olympics? The whole ski world is waiting for answers. Well, wait no more. We have all the answers. Our very own Answer Man, who is really one of our intrepid researchers, will tell you everything you need to know about Henrik's situation. Let's find out what he has to say....</div>
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<b>BB: Last season Henrik also got in trouble with his federation for wanting to have Red Bull instead of Telenor as his head sponsor. He also alienated his teammates by trying to get all of them Red Bull sponsorship but without all the perks that Henrik alone would get. </b></div>
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<b>Answer Man: </b>That's right. Henrik would have had his own personal trainers, massage therapists, private gyms, private jets, and his own Mafia hit man and witch doctor to help eliminate the competition. His Norwegian teammates would have been stuck with the regular team trainers and having to fly commercial. </div>
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<b>BB: Taking Henrik's side for a moment, Aksel Lund Svindal has Red Bull as his head sponsor. Henrik said that he wants to be like Aksel and also have Red Bull as his head sponsor. Both Henrik and Aksel are big stars, so why shouldn't they have the same privileges?</b></div>
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<b>Answer Man: </b>Aksel had Red Bull as his head sponsor before the new contract with Telenor was signed and was grandfathered in. And the argument that Henrik wants to be like Aksel does not work with the team. Every boy in Norway wants to be like Aksel. He is a national hero. </div>
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<b>BB: Last season Henrik had the same problem with the Norwegian federation and even sat out the race in Levi as a protest. He had to complete 12 Labours in order to rejoin the team. Did he complete all twelve? (see <a href="http://bostonblickbild.blogspot.de/2016/11/the-12-labours-of-henrik-kristoffersen.html">this story</a>) </b></div>
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<b>Answer Man: </b>He did all but the alligator hunting and finding the Holy Grail. It turns out that Henrik is deathly afraid of alligators and refused to perform that task. As to the Holy Grail, it will remain unfound. He did not get a slalom globe last season, which also displeased the Norwegian federation. If he couldn't find the Grail, the least he could have done was win a small globe.<br />
<b>BB: True. It seems that despite completing 10 out of the 12 Labours, Henrik still violated team rules. What did he do?</b><br />
<b>Answer Man: </b>Henrik violated several team rules. One night he snuck out of the team hotel because he was having trouble sleeping. According to Henrik, he wanted some fresh air. He thought that he would be clever and put a blow-up doll in his bed to fool the trainers who were conducting the bed check that night. Needless to say, the trainers were not fooled.<br />
<b>BB: That hardly warrants being thrown off the team. </b><br />
<b>Answer Man:</b> But wait, there's more. Before a big team meeting with Erik Roste, the head of the Norwegian Ski Federation, Henrik snuck into the meeting room. He drew a stick man on the white board in that room, wrote, "Erik Roste is a dope," and drew an arrow pointing to the stick man. Henrik refused to confess to this act, but his teammates all knew that he did it.<br />
<b>BB: What else did he do?</b><br />
<b>Answer Man: </b>He is also demanding that the Norwegian Ski Federation provide him with his own separate <i>ojlmsfjaegger. </i>Grandma Jansrud makes them for the team, and makes them with love. But Henrik feels that he warrants his own separate <i>ojlmsfjaegger.</i><br />
<b>BB: I can see why the rest of Henrik's teammates would be upset with him. Grandma Jansrud makes the best <i>ojlmsfjaegger</i> in Norway. OK, I only tasted hers, but I lived to tell the tale. The rest of the team, Aksel Lund Svindal included, seems to thrive on it. </b><br />
<b>Answer Man:</b> That's right. At least he doesn't want tinned <i>ojlmsfjaegger, </i>which is terrible. But he wants his own separate <i>ojlmsfjaegger</i> chef. He was told to either eat the same thing that the team eats or be kicked off the team. He opted to leave the team.<br />
<b>BB: Wow, Henrik's story has more twists and turns than a Brazilian soap opera.</b><br />
<b>Answer Man: </b>It does. He not only alienated himself from his teammates, but he also tormented racers on other teams. My intrepid colleagues have found out that he has been sending Mikaela Shiffrin, Tina Maze, and Marcel Hirscher reindeer meat recipes under a fake name. But they figured out that it was Henrik. Mikaela, Tina, and Marcel all won reindeer in Levi. It is beyond unsportsmanlike to torment fellow racers like that.<br />
<b>BB: That is terrible! Mikaela, Tina, and Marcel all love their reindeer and would never think about eating them. So what will Henrik do? This is an Olympic year and he needs to be part of a national team in order to compete for a medal. </b><br />
<b>Answer Man:</b> Performing 12 more Labours is out of the question. But some other ski teams have offered to take Henrik so that he can compete in the Olympics. They are offering some terrific package deals.<br />
<b>BB: Really? Which countries? As far as I know, Henrik is 100% Norwegian. He would have to sit out a year in order to compete for another team unless the federation releases him. But would the Norwegian federation release him?</b><br />
<b>Answer Man:</b> My fellow intrepid researchers found out that Henrik could join other teams without the one year waiting period. Four teams have made offers, and they are very impressive.<br />
<b>BB: Are you going to tell me or leave our readers in suspense forever?</b><br />
<b>Answer Man: </b>The first is Tanzania.<br />
<b>BB: Tanzania is not exactly a big ski country.</b><br />
<b>Answer Man: </b>That is the point. The FIS wants to expand ski racing into new markets. Africa has a lot of people who could be potential ski racing fans with the right star on its team. The waiting period would be waived so that Henrik could compete for Tanzania immediately. The combination of the FIS breaking into the Africa market and a new country competing at the Winter Olympics is hard to beat. Henrik could get instant citizenship because of his Tanzanian ancestors.<br />
<b>BB: Wait a minute! What Tanzanian ancestors?</b><br />
<b>Answer Man: </b>The fossils of the first humans were found in Olduvai Gorge, which is in Tanzania. They were our common ancestors, so he can honestly say that he has a Tanzanian ancestor. The Tanzanian government would also develop a special training area on Mt. Kilimanjaro just for Henrik. Since he would be the only Tanzanian ski racer, there would not be any problems with alienating any teammates.<br />
<b>BB: What other countries are willing to take Henrik?</b><br />
<b>Answer Man: </b>Antarctica has put in a bid for Henrik. He would have the benefit of every day with winter conditions and being able to train on snow all year. He won't have to apply for citizenship because there are no Antarctic citizens. If he got homesick, he could visit a Norwegian research station.<br />
<b>BB: Isn't there something in the FIS' Big Book of Rules about competing for Antarctica since nobody owns it?</b><br />
<b>Answer Man:</b> No, and that is a benefit for Henrik. No waiting period means that he could be eligible for the Olympics and win a medal for Antarctica. He could also wear a racing suit with a penguin design in addition to a Red Bull helmet. You can't beat that!<br />
<b>BB: I think I would go with Antarctica. No traveling to train and a penguin racing suit. </b><br />
<b>Answer Man:</b> Henrik also has an offer to compete for the planet Zorkon in the Andromeda Galaxy. Since there is no specific prohibition against ski racers from other planets in the Big Book of Rules, Henrik could compete without having to wait a year. He could be the first ski racer from another planet to win an Olympic medal. That would bring him glory on both Earth and the whole universe. He could wear anything he wants on his helmet. The Zorkonians would come to Earth to work with Henrik, so he could stay on Earth. The International Olympic Committee is also looking for athletes from other planets to expand the field in the Winter Olympics. Zorkon would be a real win-win situation.<br />
<b>BB: That sounds like a great deal. Henrik would be crazy to pass that one up. </b><br />
<b>Answer Man: </b>There is one more offer. It is from Team Freedonia.<br />
<b>BB: Do you think that Henrik could make the Freedonian team? He is not a Mafia hit man.</b><br />
<b>Answer Man: </b>Vinnie "The Shark" Razzovelli is the team captain and would welcome Henrik with open arms. Henrik would help the rest of the team of Mafia hit men get a chance to actually compete in the Olympics. The FIS Big Book of Rules also does not mention ski racers from fictional countries, so Henrik could carry on racing this season and qualify for the Olympics. I think that this is the best offer for both sides. The Mafia needs a place to launder money and putting that money into Henrik's trainers and ski equipment would be a perfect cover. Red Bull offers Henrik one Mafia hit man. But being part of Team Freedonia means that Henrik could have a whole team of Mafia enforcers. Nobody would mess with him.<br />
<b>BB: If you were Henrik, which offer would you take?</b><br />
<b>Answer Man: </b>That is a tough one. They are all good. For me personally it would be a tossup between Antarctica and Freedonia. I'd love to have a racing suit with penguins on it, but would also think it cool to be part of a team of Mafia hit men. I'm sure that Henrik would make the right choice for himself if the Norwegians don't take him back.<br />
<b>BB: I agree. It will be interesting to see which offer he takes. Well, it looks like we are out of time. I want to thank you for another interesting interview. Let's hope that Henrik gets his problems with the Norwegian federation sorted out. Races are more interesting when he is part of the field. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview. </b><br />
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The Boston Blickbild is on Facebook. If you enjoy our unique perspective on World Cup Alpine skiing, please like us on Facebook. We are also on Twitter as bostonblickbild.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-57730641232456926852017-06-12T17:04:00.000+02:002017-06-12T17:04:09.014+02:00FIS Summer Meeting<div style="text-align: center;">
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The FIS wrapped up its annual summer meeting earlier this month. We have always wondered what really goes on at those meetings. Some of the proposals that they come up with are okay, but some are downright crazy. We wonder what drugs everyone is taking or if the sun has baked everyone's brains. Now we can wonder no more. One of our intrepid reporters attended a session of the summer meeting and recorded it on his iPhone. We finally finished transcribing the recording. We will refer to each delegate by his or her country. Let's find out what it says...</div>
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<b>FIS: Item number one on today's agenda is the proposal to limit the number of athletes in every World Cup race to 50. The motion is now open for discussion.</b></div>
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<b>Germany: </b>This is a very good idea. There are now so many sports taking place in the winter and not enough time or TV channels to show all of them. I am always in favour of more football on TV. Having fewer racers would open up more TV time for football. </div>
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<b>USA: </b>I noticed that there is only one NFL game on German TV per week. I am in favour of showing more football on TV. </div>
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<b>Germany: </b>Not NFL football, real football. Or what you Americans call soccer.</div>
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<b>Sweden: </b>I am in favour of more curling on TV. </div>
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<b>Norway: </b>And more cross country races!</div>
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<b>United Kingdom: </b>Let's not forget cricket.</div>
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<b>FIS: Cricket is a summer sport that nobody outside the West Indies understands. We are talking about World Cup ski races, which take place in the winter. </b></div>
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<b>Austria: </b>I am against limiting the number of racers. We Austrians produce the best racers year after year. If you limit the field in a race, the number of Austrian racers will be reduced. </div>
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<b>USA: </b>I always thought it was unfair that Austria got so many athletes in a race. Maybe it will be a good thing to have fewer Austrians in a race to give the other countries a chance to win once in a while. </div>
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<b>Austria: </b>Wow, first you take our trainers, then you have the nerve to complain that we are being unfair. Maybe if you treated all of your racers equally and didn't give your superstars preferential treatment, you would have more athletes in a race. We are the best ski nation in the world and earned those World Cup start places. </div>
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<b>Croatia: </b>My country has a small team and you don't hear us whining about how many athletes we are allotted per race. Maybe you need to go to a safe space with your teddy bear. </div>
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<b>FIS: That is enough. The motion under discussion is not the number of Austrians in a race, but reducing the number to 50. </b></div>
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<b>France: </b>I don't like this idea, especially in technical races. It happens in almost every race that someone with a bib in the 50s qualifies for the second run. Limiting the field would take that away.</div>
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<b>Switzerland: </b>Let's not forget Carlo Janka, who had a 2nd place finish with start number 65. If there were only 50 athletes in his race that day, nobody would have heard of him. </div>
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<b>Slovenia: </b>Our legendary Tina Maze also won a race with a start number in the 50s. </div>
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<b>USA: </b>I am against reducing the field to 50 because I think that is still too many. I make a motion to reduce the field to 30 racers. </div>
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<b>FIS: We just heard a new motion to reduce World Cup race fields to 30 racers. Let's discuss it. </b></div>
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<b>USA: </b>I will start. Only the top 30 athletes in a World Cup ski race earn points. The 31st place finisher gets nothing. If we reduce the field to 30 athletes, then everyone will earn points.</div>
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<b>Germany: </b>What a stupid idea! But what do you expect from a country that gives out trophies to last place finishers?</div>
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<b>Austria: </b>Giving everyone points in a race would totally devalue them. Why try your best if you know that you will get a point just for showing up?</div>
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<b>Switzerland: </b>At least do the math. Let's assume that the average DNF rate is 15%--</div>
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<b>Croatia: </b>Fifteen percent is an average for a course that is set by mere mortals. It is higher on an Ante Kostelic course. </div>
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<b>Switzerland: </b>Ante Kostelic doesn't set courses anymore because your country doesn't have any racers in the top 30 except for Filip Zubcic. And yes, I took his course settings into account with the 15% figure. In order to have everyone be able to earn points in a race, the field should be increased to 34 racers. </div>
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<b>USA: </b>But what if all 34 finish? The 31st to 34th place finishers will be without points. How do you think they will feel?</div>
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<b>Germany: </b>Like they will have to improve to make the top 30. </div>
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<b>Italy: </b>They can always do what our football players do--flop to the ground and then convince the referee to give the opposing player a yellow card. Or in the case of a ski race, influence the referee to give him points. </div>
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<b>FIS: The only referees we have at ski races are the gate judges. I don't think that flopping to the ground and pretending to be injured will influence them. The artistry judges could be another story. They could interpret diving as an original move and give the racer an artistry bonus. But let's get back to limiting race fields to 30. </b></div>
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<b>USA: </b>I was just thinking...30 racers is too many. After all, only three racers, or sometimes four, are on the podium. Those who did not make the podium probably feel terrible. Therefore I propose reducing the field to three racers. It would have the dual purpose of making races short so that there is more TV time for other sports, and everyone would get a podium place. </div>
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<b>Austria: </b>That has to be the stupidest idea I ever heard! Have you even given this proposal any real thought--like who would be picked to be the 3 racing that day? </div>
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<b>FIS: Let's not call each other's ideas stupid, even if they are. </b></div>
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<b>Germany: </b>Do you really think that the FIS is going to spend all of the time preparing courses, closing the off to the public, setting them, and letting the racers inspect the course for a 3-person race? </div>
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<b>USA: </b>Maybe we could have ten separate races with 3 athletes each. That way everyone not only earns points, they also get onto the podium. It's a win-win situation for everyone.</div>
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<b>Slovenia: </b>This is getting more and more ridiculous. I thought that the Blickbild was absurd, but you just surpassed it. In my country only the winners get trophies and the others get certificates. Nobody is traumatised for life because they got a certificate instead of a trophy. </div>
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<b>Austria: </b>It is the same in Austria. Our young ski racers have to earn their trophies and medals. They don't get a medal just for showing up on race day. Not everyone can be a winner.</div>
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<b>USA: </b>Oh yes they can! I propose a new motion to limit World Cup ski races to one athlete. That way the racer who starts automatically wins. After all, the second place finisher is really the first place loser. I even propose that the only racer allowed to start would be Lindsey Vonn so that she can easily break Stenmark's record for World Cup wins.</div>
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<b>Switzerland:</b> Don't you think that Ms. Vonn would actually wish to beat somebody instead of winning by default because she is the only athlete in the field?</div>
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<b>USA: </b>No. She will take a win any way she can to beat Stenmark and have another record. Her records are her legacy after all. </div>
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<b>FIS: I think we have had enough discussion. Time to vote on all of these motions. All in favour of a one-person race with just Lindsey Vonn say, "Aye!"</b></div>
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<b>USA: </b>Aye!</div>
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<b>FIS: All opposed say, "Nay!"</b></div>
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<b>Everyone else: </b>Nay!!!!</div>
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<b>FIS: The nays have it. The motion for a one-person ski race is defeated. All in favour of a three person race say, "Aye!"</b></div>
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<b>USA: </b>Aye!</div>
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<b>FIS: All opposed say, "Nay!"</b></div>
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<b>Everyone else: </b>Nay!!!!</div>
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<b>FIS: The motion for a three-person ski race is defeated. All in favour of limiting the field to 30 racers say, "Aye!"</b></div>
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<b>USA: </b>Aye!</div>
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<b>Everyone else: </b>Nay!!!!</div>
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<b>FIS: All in favour of limiting World Cup race fields to 50 athletes say, "Aye!"</b></div>
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<b>Austria: </b>I move that we keep race fields as they are this season and postpone voting on this until next year. </div>
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<b>Switzerland: </b>I second the motion.</div>
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<b>FIS: All in favour of Austria's motion to postpone discussing limiting race fields say, "Aye!"</b></div>
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<b>Everyone: </b>Aye!!!</div>
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<b>FIS: The motion passes to leave race fields as they are this coming season and table the discussion until next year. Now onto the second item on today's agenda...</b></div>
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Well, it looks like our intrepid reporter ran out of recording time. But it looks like we will hear more about reducing World Cup race fields next year. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive story. </div>
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: We are offended that someone is actually more absurd than us. </div>
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The Boston Blickbild is on Facebook. If you enjoy our unique perspective on World Cup Alpine skiing, please like us on Facebook. We are also on Twitter as bostonblickbild. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-18590568939505420572017-05-06T10:09:00.001+02:002017-05-06T10:09:59.453+02:00Athlete Profile: Felix Neureuther<div style="text-align: center;">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive<br />
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Germany's Felix Neureuther is one of the most-liked ski racers in the World Cup. Nobody has a bad word to say about him, even though he has broken women's and men's hearts all over Europe. One of our intrepid reporters caught up with Felix during a break in a ski camp in Austria that he was conducting and had the chance to chat with him. Let's find out what he has to say.<br />
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<strong>BB: A very belated congratulations on winning a bronze medal in St. Moritz. </strong><br />
<strong>Neureuther: </strong>Thank you.<br />
<strong>BB: Also congratulations on expecting your first child. Will the baby be a boy or girl?</strong><br />
<strong>Neureuther:</strong> You will be the first to know. Well, the first after family, friends, and the rest of the media.<br />
<strong>BB: Fair enough. Your son or daughter could be a third generation ski racer. It will be interesting to see him or her racing against little Maiers, Raichs, Kostelics, and all of Bode Miller's kids. But we will have to wait about 20 years for that. (short pause) Let's talk about your childhood in Garmisch-Partenkirchen as the son of famous and successful ski racers. I assume you learned to ski at an early age.</strong><br />
<strong>Neureuther:</strong> Yes. My parents were my first teachers. In fact, I was on skis almost as soon as I could walk. That is pretty normal growing up in a ski resort. I was skiing down the Kandahar downhill course while still in kindergarten. <br />
<strong>BB: It is well-known that the German star footballer (soccer player to our North American readers) Bastian Schweinsteiger beat you in a ski race when you were kids. How did it feel to be beaten by a football player?</strong><br />
<strong>Neureuther:</strong> Bastian did both ski racing and football when he was a child. It was the only time he ever beat me. Afterward, he was more interested in playing football.<br />
<strong>BB: Did your parents bribe young Bastian to start playing football so that he would not beat you in ski races anymore?</strong><br />
<strong>Neureuther: </strong>Uh...no. Basti and I were friends as kids and are still good friends to this day. Our friendship has nothing to do with him changing over to football after beating me in a kiddie ski race. <br />
<strong>BB: Would you say that your parents encouraged you to be a racer, or did they force you into it?</strong><br />
<strong>Neureuther: </strong>My parents have always been very supportive and encouraging. They never forced me to race. I did it because I enjoyed it. Anyway, it is natural for a child to go into his parents' profession. A lot of doctors are sons of doctors, lawyers are sons of lawyers, and kids grow up being groomed to take over a family business. Even the oldest sons of witch doctors become witch doctors. <br />
<b>BB: Lindsey Vonn claims that her father used to beat her, shock her with a cattle prod, and send her to bed without dinner when she lost races. That is why she always wants to win. Did you parents ever punish you like that for not winning races?</b><br />
<b>Neureuther: </b>Never. As I said before, they were very supportive. I could not ask for better parents.<br />
<b>BB: They even gave you milk and cookies when Bastian Schweinsteiger beat you? Even when you disgraced the family by getting beaten by a football player?</b><br />
<b>Neureuther: </b>How many times do I need to say that Basti and I were kids at the time? He only beat me once. I evidently got over it because we are good friends now. You seem to be the one who keeps bringing it up. Didn't you ever get a higher score on a math test than the class nerd?<br />
<b>BB: Yes, one time. In third grade I got a better score on a math test than Thomas Finnegan, who was the smartest kid in my class. </b><br />
<b>Neureuther: </b>And what did Thomas Finnegan grow up to be?<br />
<b>BB: A mechanical engineer. </b><br />
<b>Neureuther:</b> There was one time in your life that you got a higher math score than the class genius, yet he is a mechanical engineer and you are a reporter for the Blickbild. And yes, my parents gave me milk and cake even when I lost races as a child.<br />
<strong>BB: Let's say for a moment that you did not want to become a ski racer, but an accountant or a biologist. Would your parents still have loved you as a child?</strong><br />
<strong>Neureuther: </strong>Of course they would have loved me! What kind of question is that?<br />
<strong>BB: We at the Blickbild ask the questions that nobody else dares to ask. What about your child? Suppose he or she has no talent for skiing and the only Olympics that he or she will compete in is the Math Olympics. Will you still love your child?</strong><br />
<strong>Neureuther: </strong>I will love my baby no matter what he or she wants to do in life.<br />
<strong>BB: Even if he or she becomes a biathlete like his or her mother instead of a ski racer like you?</strong><br />
<strong>Neureuther: </strong>Yes!<br />
<strong>BB: Suppose you have two children. One child is a talented skier and outstanding junior racer. The other wants to be a nuclear physicist and has zero interest in ski racing. Would you favor the child who is a ski racer over the one interested in physics?</strong><br />
<strong>Neureuther:</strong> I would hope that I would love both children equally. After all, my parents did not disown my sister because she stopped racing. They still love her. <br />
<strong>BB: It sounds like you will be a very good father even if your kid doesn't turn out to be a ski racer. Now let's talk about the famous Austrian TV incident in St. Moritz with Manuel Feller. You crashed Manuel's interview to tell him that he was lucky for winning a silver medal. Was he really lucky, or did he simply have his best race that day? (see <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_CYkH0LMWg">this link</a>, which is in German). </strong><br />
<strong>Neureuther: </strong>First of all, Manuel and I are friends and he knew that I was joking around with him. We were both laughing through the interview. He had a good race and I was happy for him. He picked a good time to get his first podium place. <br />
<strong>BB: But your bronze medal was because of your skill and speed?</strong><br />
<strong>Neureuther:</strong> That's right. By the way, is this your first job?<br />
<strong>BB: What?</strong><br />
<strong>Neureuther: </strong>Is this Blickbild job your first job in journalism? You really got lucky working for the Blickbild!<br />
<strong>BB: Wait a minute! I earned my job because I am very intrepid. We have the most intrepid reporters in the business!</strong><br />
<strong>Neureuther: </strong>I think that you had some really good luck to get your job. You Blickbild reporters seem to spend more time on holiday than you do writing stories. <br />
<strong>BB: The editor was impressed with my writing and interviewing technique.s And of course my intrepidness. Getting this job had nothing to do with luck. </strong><br />
<strong>Neureuther: </strong>So you are saying that the more respectable publications would not take you, but the Blickbild did? That sounds like luck to me. <br />
<strong>BB: Someone here recognized my talent and hired me. Just like Manuel Feller got his silver medal because of his talent. </strong><br />
<strong>Neureuther:</strong> What would you have done if you were not hired by the Blickbild?<br />
<strong>BB: Hey, wait a minute! I'm supposed to be the one conducting the interview. But you seem to be good at it. Would you be interested in a job with the Blickbild? I'm sure you would be hired instantly.</strong><br />
<strong>Neureuther: </strong>I think I will stick to ski racing for now. But maybe after I retire...<br />
<strong>BB: Will we see you in the Olympics next year?</strong><br />
<strong>Neureuther:</strong> I hope so. And yes, I hope to win a medal or two. <br />
<strong>BB: One more thing. In a video that you posted on your Facebook page, you were doing some snazzy ski ballet moves. Are you thinking about taking up ski ballet?</strong><br />
<strong>Neureuther:</strong> No. I will stick with the technical events. <br />
<strong>BB: You would have received some high marks from the judges for your one ski work. </strong><br />
<strong>Neureuther: </strong>Maybe so, but I still think I am better at slalom and giant slalom races.<br />
<strong>BB: Think about the ski ballet and getting a job with us. Well, it looks like we are out of time. We at the Blickbild hope that your baby is healthy. Maybe we will see him or her on the World Cup circuit in about 20 years. We also wish you a successful 2017/18 season and hope to see you on the medal stand at the Olympics. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview. </strong><br />
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: Our reporters are talented and not simply lucky, although they are lucky to be working for us. But of course they are the most intrepid in the business.<br />
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The Boston Blickbild is on Facebook. If you enjoy our unique perspective on World Cup Alpine skiing, please like us on Facebook. We are also on Twitter as bostonblickbild. <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-81550738316968264502017-04-16T10:08:00.003+02:002017-04-16T15:05:17.421+02:00Summer Meeting Preview<div style="text-align: center;">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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The FIS's summer meeting in Portoroz, Slovenia is coming up soon. It's a real miracle that the powers that be actually get any work done at their summer meetings. They always go to cool places like Cancun, Dubrovnik, or Portoroz. Or maybe that's how they come up with some of their crazy ideas--their brains get baked by the sun. One of our intrepid reporters went to FIS headquarters in Switzerland to try and get a sneak peek of what the FIS will come up with for next season. We know what you are thinking. We have not put out any stories for a long time and have lost count of the number of reporters we fired because they were more interested in watching the ski races rather than reporting on them. But now we have a new batch who will hopefully do some actual work. Enough complaining about our former reporters, who made sloths seem energetic. One of our new reporters (who is not quite as intrepid as our original reporters) had a chance to talk with Bob, our favourite contact at the FIS. Let's find out what he has to say. </div>
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<b>BB: We heard through the grapevine and smoke signals that the FIS has several exciting new changes for next season. </b></div>
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<b>Bob:</b> Yes. I think that ski racing fans will be pleased. After all, TV ratings are very important to us. </div>
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<b>BB: Of course they are. Tell us about the first thing. </b></div>
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<b>Bob:</b> The men will be going back to the old giant slalom skis.</div>
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<b>BB: You mean wooden skis?</b></div>
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<b>Bob:</b> No, the previous type that was replaced by the current type, which was the previous type before being replaced. </div>
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<b>BB: So the previous GS ski, which is the future type of GS ski, will become the current GS ski. And the current skis will become the old, obsolete ones. Got it. What is the purpose of changing the skis so much?</b></div>
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<b>Bob:</b> We switched skis because of injuries. But it seems like the racers were injured more with the current, soon-to-be-past, GS skis than they were on the skis they used before them. But we switched anyway because we didn't realize that there would be more injuries on the new skis. </div>
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<b>BB: Maybe injuries happen because of course settings or making courses icier than ever before. Just a thought.</b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>The fans want to see the racers pushing their limits. We think changing back to the previous skis should let the athletes go fast and reduce injuries. </div>
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<b>BB: Why not really challenge the racers and go back to wooden skis? </b></div>
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<b>Bob:</b> I don't think any of them know how to handle wooden skis on a modern giant slalom course. Nobody would even finish a race.</div>
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<b>BB: But everything comes back into style after a time. Maybe wooden skis will become the standard in a few years. But I guess we will have to wait and see. We heard that the next thing on the agenda is to increase the number of parallel races. </b></div>
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<b>Bob: </b>That's right. Fans love parallel races. But we are working on a way to make them even better. </div>
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<b>BB: Really?</b></div>
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<b>Bob:</b> Yes. Instead of two athletes racing side-by-side, we will have eight. </div>
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<b>BB: In current parallel races the athletes take a turn racing from each gate. Will they do the same if eight are racing side-by-side? If a certain gate course is faster, it would keep things fair. Would there be eight runs per heat? And how would you track all of the times?</b></div>
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<b>Bob:</b> People love watching ski cross because the athletes are racing head-to-head against each other. They don't do multiple runs because one side of the course might possibly be faster. Think of this new format as being a hybrid of the current parallel racing format and ski cross. It should be a real winner with the fans.</div>
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<b>BB: How will you calculate the points? And how many athletes would be allowed with this new format?</b></div>
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<b>Bob:</b> We will figure out how to calculate the race points at the summer meeting. The new format would allow more than the current 16 men and women. Half would be eliminated in each heat until only the final two are left. </div>
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<b>BB: I see. How will you prevent crashes? Even with the two-at-a-time format, there have been cases of racers crashing into each other. Eight athletes on a ramp would increase the chance of crashes. </b><br />
<strong>Bob: </strong>The people who set up ski cross races don't worry about crashes or racers tackling each other, like Filip Zubcic did to Felix Neureuther in Schladming. It is all about seeing the racers compete directly against each other as well as the clock. Falls and tackles are part of the game.<br />
<strong>BB: Some of the racers who have won parallel events feel like they did not win a "real" World Cup race. How will you change that perception?</strong><br />
<strong>Bob:</strong> We are talking about increasing the number of parallel races and giving a globe in that discipline. Then the races would seem real to the athletes. Get used to parallel races because they are the future of ski racing. <br />
<strong>BB: Just like changing from old skis to new ones and back again.</strong><br />
<strong>Bob:</strong> Exactly!<br />
<b>BB: The FIS always talks about wanting to expand its audience. One way to get more Europeans and Americans interested in ski racing is to involve guns. Europeans love biathlon and Americans love their guns. </b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>I don't think we would have any ski racers left if they all carried guns.<br />
<b>BB: Imagine you are one of eight racers on a parallel slalom course. You not only have to ski fast down it, making all of the gates, but you need the ability to hit a moving target while avoiding being hit yourself. That would get great TV ratings!</b><br />
<b>Bob:</b> I'm sure it would. But how would the athletes carry both their poles and a gun?<br />
<b>BB: By going back to basics. Young children learn to ski without poles, right?</b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>Yes, but--<br />
<b>BB: Exactly! The racers will carry a gun instead of poles. </b><br />
<b>Bob: </b>But beginning skiers also go down the hill in a snowplow. Ski racing fans want to see the racers go fast, not in a snowplow.<br />
<b>BB: Winning a race by having the fastest time, whether it is head-to-head against others, or by beating the clock, is so 20th century. It is time to bring more excitement into ski racing. Thus the guns.</b><br />
<b>Bob:</b> But they will end up all killing each other! Each race would be total carnage!<br />
<b>BB: The racers would not be using real bullets. They would either use paintballs or a laser tag system to record the hits and misses. Think of the excitement of watching the athletes ski down a ramp, shoot at a moving target, and dodge bullets. Bring it up at the summer meeting. I bet the others at the FIS would love this idea.</b><br />
<b>Bob:</b> I'm not so sure, but you never know.<br />
<strong>BB: Are there any more changes that ski racing fans can look forward to next season?</strong><br />
<strong>Bob:</strong> We are talking about getting rid of Super-G.<br />
<strong>BB: Wait a minute! As of now, there are already more technical races on the calendar than speed races. How can a speed specialist possibly compete for an overall globe if approximately two-thirds of the races are technical?</strong><br />
<strong>Bob: </strong>He or she will have to be very consistent or not lose the technical skills. Super-G is basically a shortened downhill, or as we like to call it, Downhill Lite. <br />
<strong>BB: I think that the fans will protest getting rid of Super-G. A lot of racing fans love it.</strong><br />
<strong>Bob:</strong> Super-G is the newest discipline, introduced to the World Cup in the mid-1980s. It is not one of the classical disciplines. But we at the FIS understand that a lot of fans like it. Therefore, we will replace it with something that the fans will appreciate just as much.<br />
<strong>BB: Are you going to tell us or leave us in suspense?</strong><br />
<strong>Bob:</strong> You don't have the world's biggest readership, so I feel safe telling you this secret. We are going to replace Super-G with ski ballet. There will even be a globe for it! Imagine...our best ski racers can not only go fast down a race course, they can dance on their skis. (see <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMg4NtjrhtY">this video</a>)<br />
<strong>BB: Ski ballet? Seriously? I thought it died back in the early '90s.</strong><br />
<strong>Bob:</strong> As you recently said, everything old becomes new again. We would modify it to make it even more exciting, like requiring the ski ballet dancers to throw their poles in the air and catch them after doing a spin or other acrobatic maneuver. There would be deductions for dropping the poles or not catching them. Think rhythmic gymnastics on skis. Imagine Mikaela Shiffrin dancing in a tutu or Aksel Lund Svindal doing ski ballet in a sequined suit. <br />
<strong>BB: Who in their right mind would want to do this?</strong><br />
<strong>Bob:</strong> Anyone who wants to earn World Cup points, especially speed specialists when we get rid of Super-G. <br />
<strong>BB: Next you're going to tell me that there will be a ski ballet globe.</strong><br />
<strong>Bob: </strong>Wow, you really are psychic! We will be increasing the number of small globes to six: downhill, giant slalom, slalom, super-combined, parallel slalom, and ski ballet. <br />
<strong>BB: One more thing. This is a bit awkward, but won't people be turned off by ski ballet because it would be perceived as being....well...gay?</strong><br />
<strong>Bob:</strong> I think that ski racing fans will appreciate the athletic ability required to spin, do flips, and do artistic things with poles while on skis and the perception of it being gay won't be an issue. If macho-looking men like Dominik Paris or Aksel Lund Svindal start doing ski ballet, then that perception will go away very quickly. Anyway, several ski racers, for example Felix Neureuther, have a large gay following. If ski ballet helps to increase the number of gay people watching ski races, then we will be happy. TV ratings are very important to us and we want as many people as possible all over the world to enjoy our wonderful sport. It doesn't matter if our fans are gay or straight. <br />
<strong>BB: Are you gay?</strong><br />
<strong>Bob: </strong>No. What does it matter anyway?<br />
<strong>BB: It doesn't. But I thought I would ask because our readers might like to know. </strong><br />
<strong>Bob:</strong> And now they do. Shall we move on to the next question?<br />
<b>BB: Okay. What about giving ski ballet a more macho image by requiring the athletes to use guns?</b><br />
<b>Bob:</b> What is it with you and guns?<br />
<b>BB: We are talking about changes that will make ski racing more exciting. The most exciting movies and TV programmes always involve guns. It is time to bring them to ski racing. Imagine two athletes doing ski ballet at the same time. One does a triple spin and then aims his gun at his competitor, who tries to dodge the bullet by doing a flying camel spin on skis. That would certainly be more exciting than watching someone in a shimmery costume simply doing spins and flips on skis. </b><br />
<b>Bob:</b> I don't know.<br />
<strong>BB: Are there any other things that will be discussed in Portoroz?</strong><br />
<b>Bob:</b> No. Those are the main ones. <br />
<b>BB: Oh, there is one more thing. Why are the FIS summer meetings always on the coast? How much work really gets done at these so-called summer meetings?</b><br />
<b>Bob:</b> We at the FIS work very hard to bring fans the races that they want to see. Therefore, we deserve a little holiday too. You would be amazed at the ideas that are generated after spending 8 hours lying in the sun. <br />
<strong>BB: Judging from our interview, and past ideas like three-run slaloms and short course downhills, I can easily imagine what goes through everyone's minds at the FIS. As they say, idle minds are the devil's workshop. </strong><br />
<strong>Bob: </strong>The expression is, "Idle hands are the devil's workshop."<br />
<strong>BB: Same thing. Well, it looks like we are out of time. I want to thank you for another interesting interview. Ski racing fans are definitely looking forward to all of the changes next season. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview.</strong><br />
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: Idle minds are the Blickbild's workshop.<br />
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The Boston Blickbild is on Facebook. If you enjoy our unique perspective on World Cup Alpine skiing, please like us on Facebook. We are also on Twitter as bostonblickbild. <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-51804161054740271752017-01-19T21:27:00.000+01:002017-01-19T21:27:00.172+01:00What to Do, What to Do....<div style="text-align: center;">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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Lindsey Vonn stated in an Austrian TV interview that she would not know what to do with herself if she could not race. We at the Blickbild are not professional career counsellors, but we decided to do a good deed and help a damsel in distress. One of our intrepid reporters convened a group in a town hall style format to help Lindsey figure out her future. OK, the offer of free ice cream, chocolate, cinema tickets, and Amazon gift cards also helped us get people. Let's not forget how we got the teenage boys--we showed them a photo of Lindsey in a bikini and told them that they could see her in person. Nothing is too low for us! Lindsey appeared with her dog Lucy in this unique town hall forum. Let's find out what she has to say.</div>
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<b>BB: Lindsey, there will eventually come a time when you will have to stop racing. Have you thought about that time and what you will do?</b></div>
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<b>Vonn: </b>I just don't know what I would do without being able to race. Ski racing is my whole life. Maybe there is a senior circuit where I could race when I am older. Or I will just stay in the World Cup until I am 80.</div>
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<b>BB: Why not become a trainer? You would be on skis and passing on your knowledge and wisdom about racing to the next generation of ski racers. That could be very rewarding to see one of your pupils have a successful career. </b></div>
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<b>Vonn: </b>Oh hell no! What if one of my students breaks my records? That would be devastating! My records are my legacy and nobody should ever be able to break them. </div>
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<b>BB: What about becoming a writer? Your first book was a success and there could be many more in your future.</b></div>
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<b>Vonn: </b>That was a lot of work to write my book. My sister Laura is still mad at me because I didn't choose her to ghost write my book.<br />
<strong>BB: What about being a dog trainer or kennel owner? You have three dogs, so you have experience handling them.</strong><br />
<strong>Vonn:</strong> I don't know. That seems like hard work. I had a hard enough time training Lucy on where to pee. </div>
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<b>BB: I may lose my reputation for intrepidness here, but I give up. It's time to ask our audience to provide suggestions. </b></div>
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At this moment, Lucy starts barking furiously.</div>
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<b>Vonn: </b>Lucy! Stop that barking now! Bad dog!</div>
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While Lindsey is trying to stop Lucy's barking, an audience member speaks up.</div>
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<b>Audience Member 1: </b>I am a dog trainer and also a canine-to-English interpreter. Lucy is telling us something. Let's listen for a moment. </div>
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Everyone is silent while Lucy barks for another minute, then stops.<br />
<strong>BB: Okay Dr. Doolittle, tell us what Lucy just said.</strong><br />
<strong>AM1: </strong>This is strange...a squared plus b squared equals c squared...that is the Pythagorean Theorem.<br />
<strong>Vonn:</strong> The what?<br />
<strong>AM1: </strong>Now she is saying minus b plus or minus the square root of b squared minus 4 a c over 2a. That is the Quadratic Formula. <br />
<strong>BB: Wow, it seems like Lucy is a very intelligent dog. </strong><br />
<strong>Vonn:</strong> Of course Lucy is very smart. She is my dog!<br />
<strong>Lucy </strong>(speaking through AM1 as an interpreter): Thank you. I know that Lindsey likes to make excuses for when she does not win races, but she had a valid one last weekend in Zauchensee when she said that the snow was different between training and the actual race. It was. Because of the weather over the course of the day, the snow's coefficient of friction changed. Her service man did not take that into account when waxing her skis and that is why she did not win. <br />
<strong>Audience Member 2: </strong>I thought it was because the snow during the race was a different shade of white than the snow in the training run. <br />
<strong>Lucy:</strong> It sounds like someone needs to go back to school to learn some basic physics. Next question.<br />
<strong>Audience Member 3: </strong>Lucy, I can tell that Lindsey loves you very much.<br />
<b>Vonn: </b> I really do. Lucy is the best dog ever!<br />
<b>Audience Member 3: </b>Why doesn't Lindsey put you into her speed suit when she races so you can be with her all the time?<br />
<strong>Vonn: </strong>That would not be legal and I would be disqualified.<br />
<strong>Lucy: </strong>That is technically incorrect. There is nothing in the FIS's Big Book of Rules which specifically prohibits racers from putting animals inside their speed suits. But having me in Lindsey's racing suit would change her center of mass and affect her skiing. <br />
<strong>BB:</strong> <strong>Come on, Lucy. Did you really read the Big Book of Rules?</strong><br />
<strong>Lucy: </strong>Of course I have. When Lindsey is racing, I need to do something to occupy my time. Hanging out with the service men can be rather boring. I do a lot of reading. In fact, I just finished reading War and Peace in the original Russian. <br />
<strong>Audience Member 4: </strong>Lucy, is it true that space aliens can compete in FIS-sanctioned races?<br />
<strong>Lucy: </strong>Again, there is nothing in the Big Book of Rules mentioning beings from other planets. So the answer would be yes. <br />
<strong>Audience Member 5:</strong> Lucy, what is the capital of ancient Assyria?<br />
<strong>Lucy:</strong> It would be the capital of modern-day Syria--Damascus.<br />
<strong>Audience Member 5: </strong>What is the velocity of a laden swallow?<br />
<strong>Lucy: </strong>An African or European swallow?<br />
<strong>Audience Member 5: </strong>Oh I don't know. I thought they were all the same.<br />
<strong>Lucy: </strong>You need to learn about swallows. They most certainly are not all the same. Next question.<br />
<strong>Audience Member 6: </strong>You are a real genius about physics and FIS rules. So why did it take you so long to learn the proper places to weewee?<br />
<strong>BB: That is a very good question. Lucy?</strong><br />
<strong>Lucy:</strong> I am helping Lindsey generate publicity for the sport of ski racing. Every time I pee in the wrong place, it puts Lindsey, and therefore ski racing, in the news. Lindsey thrives on being in the limelight, and I help to keep her there.<br />
<strong>Vonn:</strong> Lucy! You just peed on me! Bad dog! Look what you did! I'll have to throw away these pants.<br />
<strong>Lucy:</strong> You made me wear that awful sweater for one of your press conferences. I was so embarrassed to be seen by other dogs in that thing. What were you thinking? Now I have my revenge for that sweater. I hope that Leo or Bear chewed it up so I'll never have to wear it again.<br />
<strong>Vonn: </strong>I will have to leave you home with Leo and Bear and find another dog to replace you for peeing on me. <br />
<strong>Lucy:</strong> I'm surprised I lasted this long with you. Leo and Bear were thrown over for younger models rather quickly. I knew my time would be coming. <br />
<strong>BB: Whoa! Let's not get into a fight here. Lindsey, I can see why you don't want to become a dog trainer. It takes a special person to be one and you are obviously not it. Well, it looks like we are out of time. Lindsey and Lucy, I want to thank you for this interview and I also want to thank the people who came to our little town hall meeting. </strong><br />
<strong>Vonn:</strong> Wasn't the purpose of this town hall meeting to help me figure out what to do with my life? You certainly failed because I still don't know what I would do except race some more. <br />
<strong>BB: We did not fail because our readers got to know you and Lucy a little better. But everyone is ready to go home and so am I. We are done here. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview.</strong><br />
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: Our reporters are smarter than dogs.<br />
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The Boston Blickbild is on Facebook. If you enjoy our unique perspective on World Cup Alpine skiing, please follow us on Facebook. We are also on Twitter as bostonblickbild. <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-11646350463175803342016-12-09T08:37:00.000+01:002017-01-12T20:29:01.775+01:00Making Austria Great Again<div style="text-align: center;">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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What has happened to the mighty Austrian Power Team? So far this season the athletes are performing like they are the Austrian Sissy Team. The only Austrian man or woman to get on the podium this season has been Marcel Hirscher with his win in Levi and two second places. Austria's legacy of past greats is being tarnished. To add insult to injury, Italy tops the Nations Cup standings. What can be done to make Austria great again? One of our intrepid reporters had the chance to interview new Austrian co-trainer Werner Franz. It appears that he has the perfect plan to restore Austria to its usual ski racing glory. Let's find out what he has to say.</div>
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<b>BB: Should our readers be concerned about the recent decline in the Austrian Team?</b></div>
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<b>Franz: </b>No. On the women's side there have been many injuries. Eva-Maria Brem and Carmen Thalmann suffered season-ending injuries. Anna Veith is still recovering from her injury. For the men Matthias Mayer just came back from fractured vertebrae and Hannes Reichelt from back surgery. </div>
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<b>BB: I understand about all of the injuries and that it takes time to get back to racing form after them. But how long can you use that as an excuse?</b></div>
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<b>Franz:</b> Let's see how well you can report ski racing news if you injured your hands.</div>
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<b>BB: The Blickbild has the most intrepid reporters in the business! We can always improvise. You can do anything with a Swiss Army knife. But back to Austria. What is your grand plan for bringing back Austria's glory?</b></div>
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<b>Franz: </b>First of all, the plan is to get the racers back to their winning ways. It is a great plan!<br />
<b>BB: Tell our readers what it is.</b><br />
<b>Franz: </b>As I said, it is important for our racers and our national morale to get our ski racers winning again. Ski racing is Austria's national sport. We need to ensure that our Sportsmen of the Year are ski racers and not football (soccer to our North American readers) players.<br />
<b>BB: Are you going to explain your astounding plan sometime today?</b><br />
<b>Franz:</b> Yes. It is the best plan ever to get our racers winning again. It is like no other plan and is simply the best.<br />
<b>BB: One more time. If you do not explain your super plan, this interview will be over. Our readers want to know what your amazing plan is. Does it involve hiring a witch doctor for the team or feeding them <i>ojlmsfjaegger?</i> </b><br />
<b>Franz: </b>Okay, okay! The others were simply satisfied with me telling them that the Austrian coaching staff has a stupendous plan to get our racers winning again. You are obviously not like the others.<br />
<b>BB: That's right. So let's hear it, unless of course there is really no plan and you are simply playing mind games with the Austrian people by telling them what they want to hear. </b><br />
<b>Franz:</b> You win. First of all, our World Cup racers, except for a select few like Marcel Hirscher, will be relegated to the Europa Cup. If football teams can be relegated for poor performances, then we should be able to relegate ski racers. Our World Cup racers should be able to win Europa Cup races easily and improve their record of wins and podium places.<br />
<b>BB: Let's suppose that being relegated to the Europa Cup level does not make the Austrian racers win. Will the next step be for them to do FIS races?</b><br />
<b>Franz: </b>Yes. Our World Cup racers should be able to dominate FIS races. Then the next step would be to bring them back up through the Europa Cup and then to the World Cup.<br />
<b>BB: That sounds good. You boost the athletes' confidence by giving them easy opportunities to win, and then bring them back up again. By the time they get back to the World Cup level, they will be winning again and the Austrian ski team will resume its rightful Number One position.</b><br />
<b>Franz:</b> Yes! You got it!<br />
<b>BB: Playing devil's advocate here, what if your plan backfires? Maybe the athletes feel so demoralized by being relegated that they have no confidence and stop winning. What will you do then?</b><br />
<b>Franz:</b> This plan should be foolproof because it is so brilliant, but I will indulge you. We will keep on relegating the racers until they start winning, even if it means having them compete in a children's division.<br />
<b>BB: Wait a minute! Won't people be suspicious if they see Olympic gold medalist Matthias Mayer in a race for ten-year-olds?</b><br />
<b>Franz:</b> Yes, but we would simply say that he is big for his age. After all, if Vanessa Mae competed in a junior race in Slovenia when she was in her 30s, there should be no problem with World Cup racers competing in children's races in Austria. It is all about getting our racers to win again.<br />
<b>BB: That seems a bit extreme. Why not change your training methods or hire a team psychologist or witch doctor?</b><br />
<b>Franz: </b>We will not hire any witch doctors because we believe Austria is so great already!<br />
<b>BB: You just contradicted yourself. First you said that you need to make Austria great again. Then you said that it is already great. Which is it?</b><br />
<b>Franz:</b> (sighs) You media people always come up with absurd trick questions. No wonder our racers are doing so poorly. <br />
<b>BB: You obviously don't read the Blickbild, or you would know all about absurd questions. Do you have a backup plan if relegation does not work?</b><br />
<b>Franz:</b> Yes. Just like the Swiss a few seasons ago (see <a href="http://bostonblickbild.blogspot.de/2013/01/swiss-men-to-compete-against-women-in.html">this classic story</a>), the men will compete in women's races. The men should easily be able to defeat the women. Their victories over the ladies will give them the confidence they need to go back to the men's division and start winning there.<br />
<b>BB: Has the FIS given the Austrian Ski Federation permission for the men to compete in women's races? It would not let Lindsey Vonn participate in men's races except as a forerunner. </b><br />
<b>Franz:</b> We should have no problems getting the FIS's consent because we are Austria. We can get anything we want. The Swiss got special permission for their men to compete in women's races, so the precedent has been set. We will also have our women in men's races.<br />
<b>BB: A woman can't win a men's race because men have more muscle mass than women. How would having women in men's races bring back Austria's ski racing glory?</b><br />
<b>Franz:</b> We would not really have the women race against the men. We are not crazy! But having the women around would embarrass the men into winning again. No man wants to be beaten by a girl. The men would go out and do their best in order not to be beaten by women, even if the women don't actually start the race.<br />
<b>BB: That is even more ridiculous than something we would come up with. Don't you think the men would catch on after a few races that the women were hanging around in the starting area but not actually participating?</b><br />
<b>Franz:</b> Hmmmmm...We didn't think of that possibility.<br />
<b>BB: Evidently not. You underestimated the intelligence of your fellow Austrians. Shame on you! What about bringing in successful racers from other countries to compete for Austria? Someone like Mikaela Shiffrin or Aksel Lund Svindal would be real assets to the Austrian team. I'm sure that you could find a way to get a waiver from the two-year residency requirement for switching teams. </b><br />
<b>Franz: </b>The Austrian team should be composed of real Austrians and not immigrants pretending to be Austrians just to get some glory through sport. Mikaela and Aksel would also have to go through a long vetting process to ensure that they are not terrorists. By then the season would be over.<br />
<b>BB: What about this idea...Italy is leading the Nations Cup overall standings. Why doesn't Austria invade Italy, or at least the Suedtirol, and bring the Italian ski racers onto the Austrian team? That would be a win-win situation. Austria gets Italy's land and its successful ski racers. </b><br />
<b>Franz:</b> What a great idea! I'll run it by Herr Schroecksnadel and the rest of the powers that be at the Austrian Federation at our next team meeting. I'm sure he would find a way to get the Austrian army to invade Italy and put their ski racers on the Austrian team. That could be the solution to our problems.<br />
<b>BB: Invading Italy would be a short-term solution to the problem of the winless Austrians, Marcel Hirscher excepted. But have you or your colleagues thought through a long-term plan? This generation of both Austrian and Italian racers will eventually retire. Who will take their places?</b><br />
<b>Franz:</b> The Austrian federation has a huge plan for ensuring that future generations of skiers will win races. It is so huge it is gargantuan! Nothing compares to how enormous this plan is.<br />
<b>BB: Ai yai yai! Just tell our readers the details already.</b><br />
<b>Franz:</b> In Austria we have our special academies where we develop our racers from the time they learn to walk. We originally thought about bringing back the guillotine and installing one at each academy, but someone pointed out that if we chop off the heads of every junior racer who does not finish on the podium, we would quickly run out of ski racers. Parents would not bring their kids to the ski academies for training for fear of them being beheaded instead of simply dropped from the team.<br />
<b>BB: Oh those pesky facts! If the guillotine idea was a failure, what are you doing to inspire Austria's young racers to win?</b><br />
<b>Franz: </b>We are doing the next best thing with our aspiring racers and bringing back the pillory. If a young racer finishes off the podium, he will be put in the pillory and the fans can throw rotten fruit and vegetables at him.<br />
<b>BB: How will putting young children in a pillory and throwing rotten food at them going to motivate them to win races?</b><br />
<b>Franz:</b> We heard that Lindsey Vonn's father used to beat her and poked her with an electric cattle prod when she did not win in her youth. She now has the attitude that she must win all the time because second place is really the first loser. We must develop that attitude in our young racers so when they grow up they will win and take their places among the Austrian greats. We will also have pillories at World Cup, Europa Cup, and FIS races. The pillory worked wonders back in the Middle Ages, so why wouldn't it work now. Sometimes older ideas are the best ones.<br />
<strong>BB: Doesn't that seem rather extreme? Who is going to pay for the pillories and the cost of transporting them to all of the different race venues?</strong><br />
<strong>Franz: </strong>Italy should pay for them! The Italians have taken Austria's rightful place in the Nations Cup standings and need to be put in their place. What a magnificent plan!<br />
<strong>BB: I'm not sure how the Italians would feel about paying for pillories for Austrian ski racers and their transportation. But that is something to worry about if your plan actually gets approved.</strong><br />
<strong>Franz:</strong> Why wouldn't it be approved? It is the grandest plan of all!<br />
<strong>BB: Let's see how everything plays out this season. Hopefully the Austrian men will find their mojo and start winning regularly so that order can be restored to the world. Well, it looks like we are out of time. I want to thank you for this interview and wish the Austrian team success for the rest of the season. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview.</strong><br />
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: Our reporters may not be stupendous, but they are the most intrepid in the business.<br />
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The Boston Blickbild is on Facebook. If you enjoy our unique perspective on World Cup Alpine ski racing, please like us on Facebook. We are also on Twitter as bostonblickbild. <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-36683992056127891442016-11-20T13:56:00.004+01:002016-11-23T08:37:35.626+01:00The 12 Labours of Henrik Kristoffersen<div style="text-align: center;">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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Norwegian technical ace Henrik Kristoffersen was told that he had to meet three conditions in order to be back in good graces with his team. First, he had to apologize to his teammates that he alienated with his comments. Secondly, he has to behave better, which has all sorts of interpretations. Does that mean that he can't torment Marcel Hirsher, the proud owner of two reindeer, with recipes for reindeer stew? Or does it simply mean that he should follow team rules without questioning them? The last condition is that his father must not interfere with Henrik's training or business.<br />
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We at the Blickbild feel that three conditions is not enough. After all, Hercules had to perform 12 labours. OK, I hear you all thinking that Hercules killed his family and needed to perform his 12 labours to atone for that deed. All Henrik did was boycott a race over team orders about what to wear on his head at ski races. Boycotting a race is not as big a sin as killing your family, and should merit a lesser punishment. But we feel that in order to really atone for his sins with the Norwegian team, Henrik should be a modern day Hercules and also perform 12 labours. We sent out a survey to our staff for what they thought Henrik should do. Unfortunately, there are no more mythological creatures for him to slay, like Hercules had. Our labours are based on real life tasks that help teach teamwork, humility and independence with physical fitness as a side effect. Here are the top vote-getters, though not necessarily in order. Let's find out what the Blickbild staff has to say.<br />
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<b>Labour 1. Run a marathon. </b>This should be one of the easier labours to accomplish. Ski racers have strong legs from lifting weights and also from cycling long distances in the summer. But as any experienced marathon runner knows, running 42.2 km (26.2 miles) is never easy. When the muscles decide that they don't want to run anymore, a marathon runner must tell himself that the finish line is only 4,572 more steps away and that he can make it. The best part about completing this particular labour is that Henrik will get a finisher's medal at the end of the race.<br />
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<b>Labour 2. Teach math to a class of 8th graders as a substitute teacher. </b>The first thought was that Henrik should spend his spare time teaching beginners how to ski. It would be a way for him to give back to the sport that has given him so much. But that would be too easy and not really considered a Labour. Teaching math to a class of 13 to 14-year-olds who think that they know everything would be much more of a challenge and real mental labour to ensure that everyone understands the subject. Being a substitute teacher makes it even more challenging because kids that age are on their worst behaviour with one. If he can get through two sentences without being interrupted, he will have done well.<br />
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<b>Labour 3. Dig ditches for a week. </b>People the world over make fun of ditch diggers. But they perform a useful function. Digging ditches is real physical labour. Henrik would have plenty of opportunities to dig ditches because new US president Donald Trump wants to build a wall on the Mexican border. In order to build the wall, he will need plenty of ditch diggers. The bonus of digging ditches is that it is an excellent upper body workout. After a week of digging ditches, Henrik will have the strongest arms on the Norwegian Ski Team.<br />
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<b>Labour 4. Work at a McDonald's. </b>Most people love fast food. Therefore restaurants like McDonald's need workers to keep up with the world's appetite for fast food. Working in a McDonald's is a rite of passage for many teenagers the world over. Henrik probably skipped that part of his adolescent development because he was training to win ski races. But it is never too late. Working in a fast food restaurant teaches people to be part of a team and get along with their co-workers. When Henrik finishes this task, he should get along better with his ski racing teammates.<br />
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<b>Labour 5. Compose a 4-movement classical symphony.</b> Henrik is a genius on the race pistes. But a true genius is also well-rounded and creative. This is a real mental labour because Henrik must know how all of the various instruments sound together and use his creativity to come up with an original composition. You may wonder how this is relevant to ski racing. It isn't. But not all labour is physical. He has to work with temperamental musicians, which can be stressful. Composing a symphony would also unleash Henrik's creative talents and make him more well-rounded.<br />
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<b>Labour 6. Work as a dishwasher in a restaurant. </b>Everyone loves to eat, but nobody loves to wash the dishes afterward. Henrik and his teammates go out to a lot of restaurants when they travel to races. But do they wash the dishes? No, but somebody has to. Working as a dishwasher is an entry-level job that teaches humility. It also builds muscles from handling piles of dishes and scrubbing pots.<br />
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<b>Labour 7. Clean the exhibits at the San Diego Zoo. </b>One of Hercules' labours was to clean the Augean Stables. Poor Hercules had to clean stables which hadn't been touched in 30 years and the horses there were supposed to live forever, which meant never-ending piles of poop. If cleaning the Augean Stables was good enough for Hercules, then Henrik should have no problems cleaning zoo exhibits. At the San Diego Zoo, the exhibits are cleaned more often than every 30 years, so Henrik will have it easy. But cleaning up after a lot of animals is still physical labour and will build his muscles.<br />
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<b>Labour 8. Hunt alligators in the New York City sewers. </b>Nothing says labour quite like working in a sewer. Back in the 1950s and early '60s kids in New York got baby alligators for presents. But the kids' parents quickly realized that alligators don't stay cute and little--they grow up. The baby alligators got flushed down the toilet and ended up in the sewer system, where they grew up to be big alligators. Men went into the sewer system to hunt the alligators, but they probably missed a few along the way. Those who were forgotten have reproduced, necessitating the need for a new generation of alligator hunters. After spending a few days in the sewers and facing alligators, a slalom course will seem easier than ever.<br />
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<b>Labour 9. Cook <i>ojlmsfjaegger</i> for the Norwegian Ski Team.</b> One of the conditions for Henrik to be part of the team is to apologize to his teammates. After all, he did the equivalent of putting his thumbs in his ears, sticking out his tongue, and saying, "Nanny nanny boo boo" to his teammates when trying to get them to take Red Bull sponsorship without all the benefits that Henrik would get (private training, own Mafia hit man). But if he reads a prepared apology, how will his teammates and trainers know that he is really sincere? An apology is rated more sincere when there is food involved. Therefore, the next labour for Henrik to perform would be making <i>ojlmsfjaegger</i> for the team for a season. Who knows...Maybe Henrik's <i>ojlmsfjaegger</i> will be the magic potion that helps Norway achieve good results this season. I know what you are thinking...it is traditionally women who make <i>ojlmsfjaegger.</i> Yes, that is true. But some traditions are meant to change with time and this could be one. Henrik could be the trend setter who sends legions of Norwegian men to the kitchen to make <i>ojlmsfjaegger</i>.<br />
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<b>Labour 10. Lead an army into battle. </b>The best way to turn a boy into a man is for him to do military service; and the best way for him to become well-respected is to lead soldiers into battle (and hopefully win the battle). Military service and leading men teaches independence and importance of teamwork. We modified this suggestion because we prefer to see Henrik on race courses and not risking his life in a war zone. So we came up with the next best thing, which would be joining a paintball league for a season and being a team captain. He will still get to wear a uniform, fire a weapon, get shot at, and develop strategy for beating his opponents just like a real military leader. However, the worst injury would be some bruises from the paint balls. Henrik will learn to lead men into battle without direction from his father, which will help him to make sound decisions for himself in the future.<br />
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<b>Labour 11. Go on a walkabout. </b>Generations of Australian aborigines have gone on a walkabout as a manhood rite. They go out alone into the bush for 40 days. If they survive the experience, they become full-fledged men. Henrik could also go on a 40-day walkabout in the off-season instead of taking a beach holiday like the other ski racers. He would only carry the following items with him: a Swiss Army knife, a roll of duct tape, a bottle cap, and a piece of string. If the TV hero <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MacGyver">MacGyver</a> could defeat bad guys and escape from dungeons with only those four items, then Henrik could easily survive a walkabout. Henrik will learn valuable hunting and survival skills (he needs to eat after all) and also how to use duct tape, string, and a bottle cap to construct both an emergency shelter and an explosive device.<br />
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<b>Labour 12. Find the Holy Grail.</b> Knights have gone on a quest to search for the Holy Grail since the days of King Arthur. It has never been found. Henrik could go on his own quest for the Holy Grail and bring it back to his team. He has the advantage of modern technology, which King Arthur did not have, to help find the Grail. King Arthur did not have a Swiss Army knife or a bottle cap to help him search for the Grail. If he found the Grail, he would be hailed as a hero and welcomed back to the Norwegian team with open arms. If he didn't find the Grail, but won a Crystal Globe this season, that would also be okay with his team. Either way, he will be forgiven and would be allowed to move on with his life and racing career.<br />
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After Hercules finished his 12th Labour, it was decided that he fully atoned for his sins. It should be the same for Henrik after completing the labours mentioned above. If Henrik does a satisfactory job completing all of those tasks, his teammates and trainers should welcome him back with open arms. We at the Blickbild wish to see Henrik back on the race pistes. Slalom and giant slalom races are much more interesting when Henrik is competing. We hope he is successful this season in his quest to win races. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive story.<br />
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: Our reporters just have to be interviewed and pass a few tests to get their jobs. They don't have to complete 12 labours.<br />
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The Boston Blickbild is on Facebook. If you enjoy our unique perspective on World Cup Alpine skiing, please like us on Facebook. We are also on Twitter as bostonblickbild.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-29168771014587505232016-11-17T12:10:00.000+01:002016-11-17T12:10:24.363+01:00Levi 2016 Race Report<div style="text-align: center;">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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Last weekend's races in Levi saw two familiar faces on the top step of the podium. Mikaela Shiffrin and Marcel Hirscher each won their second reindeer. Mikaela named hers Sven and Marcel named his Leo. In the women's race, Wendy Holdener and Petra Vlhova rounded out the podium. We will definitely see them on the podium in other slalom races this season. The men had a newcomer, Michael Matt, and a veteran, Manfred Moelgg, in second and third places. The others have reported on the Levi races in great detail already. We are going to focus on the reindeer instead. How do the reindeer get picked as race prizes? Here to talk with one of our intrepid reporters is Matti the Reindeer Herder, who we met two years ago (see <a href="http://bostonblickbild.blogspot.de/2014/10/levi-reindeer-roulette.html">this story</a>). Let's find out what he has to say.<br />
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<b>BB: Matti, it is good to see you again. It looks like you have a nice healthy herd.</b><br />
<b>Matti:</b> Yes, my reindeer are some of the healthiest in Finland.<br />
<b>BB: How do you decide which reindeer get picked for the slalom race winners? </b><br />
<b>Matti: </b>I look for a young reindeer who is not aggressive and that looks like a typical reindeer.<br />
<b>BB: We noticed that the reindeer given to Marcel and Mikaela in both 2013 and 2016 were male. The same for the ones given to Tina Maze and Henrik Kristoffersen in 2014. Is there a reason for giving them male reindeer?</b><br />
<b>Matti: </b>Male reindeer have bigger antlers and look like typical reindeer. They also have a better temperament than female reindeer.<br />
<b>BB: I see. Do you set up a special competition within your herd to see which reindeer is the lucky one to be owned by a ski racer?</b><br />
<b>Matti: </b>What do you mean?<br />
<b>BB: Do they have to race on an obstacle course, pull a sleigh, or write an essay about why they want to be Mikaela Shiffrin's reindeer?</b><br />
<b>Matti:</b> Uh....no. How would a reindeer write an essay anyway? They can't hold a pencil.<br />
<b>BB: Good point. Anyway, if a reindeer wrote an essay about why he wanted to be Mikaela Shiffrin's pet and Petra Vlhova ended up winning the race, you would have one very disappointed reindeer in your herd.</b><br />
<b>Matti:</b> There is no special competition between my reindeer. I simply pick the one with the best temperament.<br />
<b>BB: OK. Let's say that Mikaela or Marcel want to take their reindeer with them from race to race. Could they do that?</b><br />
<b>Matti:</b> No. I take care of them and technically own them.<br />
<b>BB: So even though the reindeer were prizes for winning a race, the winners don't get to keep them? </b><br />
<b>Matti:</b> How would someone take a reindeer all over Europe and to North America?<br />
<b>BB: Some ski racers bring their dogs with them on tour.</b><br />
<b>Matti:</b> A reindeer is bigger than a dog and requires more food and care.<br />
<b>BB: This sounds a bit like being the Zagreb Snow Queen, where you just get a title for a year and don't get to keep the throne or win any land. </b><br />
<b>Matti:</b> The race winners earn the right to pose for photos with their reindeer and name them.<br />
<b>BB: Whoopee doo! When the reindeer die, could Mikaela or Marcel make stew from them?</b><br />
<b>Matti:</b> No, they won't get to eat their reindeer! In fact the FIS has a special rule which states that the racers may not eat their reindeer or make <i>ojlmsfjaegger</i> from their hearts.<br />
<b>BB: What becomes of the reindeer in your herd?</b><br />
<b>Matti: </b>We butcher some of them, breed others, and drink the milk. We also use the hide for clothing and blankets. No part of the reindeer is wasted in Finland.<br />
<b>BB: Let's suppose that when Marcel retires, he wants to open a guesthouse. Everyone knows that in Austria the measure of a guesthouse is the number of antlers both inside and out. Would Marcel be able to take Ferdinand or Leo's antlers for his guesthouse?</b><br />
<b>Matti:</b> No. Ferdinand and Leo are really my reindeer and Marcel's in name only. We use the antlers for many things in Finland.<br />
<b>BB: I understand that, but the reindeer would be dead. Therefore, they would not miss their antlers. So why couldn't Marcel have them? I'm sure you would not want the guilt of being responsible for Marcel's guesthouse failing because of an insufficient number of antlers on the walls?</b><br />
<b>Matti: </b>Wouldn't a guesthouse fail because the food was bad? I never heard of a guesthouse failing because there were not enough antlers on the walls.<br />
<b>BB: You have obviously never been to Austria. When you are faced with the choice of two Austrian guesthouses, you always pick the one with the higher number of antlers. So what will you do with the antlers if Marcel can't have them?</b><br />
<b>Matti:</b> Turn them into decorative objects, use them for medicine, and even eat them.<br />
<b>BB: You eat reindeer antlers?</b><br />
<b>Matti:</b> Doesn't everybody? You should try boiled antlers. They are a delicacy. I'll make some for you when you come to Levi next year to cover the races. After all, you are supposed to be intrepid.<br />
<b>BB: Of course I'm intrepid! The Blickbild has the most intrepid reporters in the business! I'll try your boiled antlers next year. Back to the reindeer that you give to the race winners. You said before that you give the race winners male reindeer. Isn't the real reason to prevent the racers from taking them home to breed them and start their own reindeer herd? After all, two gay reindeer cannot breed.</b><br />
<b>Matti:</b> My reindeer are not gay! Where do you come up with such statements? You really are absurd!<br />
<b>BB: Our logic is different from everyone else's. That is why we are the Blickbild. How do you know that your male reindeer are not gay?</b><br />
<b>Matti:</b> Because they mate with the female reindeer.<br />
<b>BB: Maybe they are mating with the females to cover the fact that they are gay.</b><br />
<b>Matti:</b> I never heard of gay reindeer and certainly never owned any. Santa's reindeer are all male and nobody says that they are gay. This is getting really ridiculous.<br />
<b>BB: One more question. Do Mikaela, Marcel, Tina, and Henrik go onto your special website to watch their reindeer?</b><br />
<b>Matti: </b>Mikaela and Tina like to watch their babies growing up. Marcel logs in from time to time. Henrik has been banned because he makes too many comments about reindeer steaks.<br />
<b>BB: I can understand that. After all, he showed up in Levi in 2013 with a copy of 365 Ways to Cook Reindeer. Well, it looks like we are out of time. I want to thank you for your interview and look forward to your reindeer being awarded to the winners in Levi in future seasons. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview. </b><br />
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: How do we get out of eating boiled reindeer antlers next year?<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-15472086145615903922016-11-08T17:50:00.000+01:002016-11-08T17:50:00.283+01:00Henrik Kristoffersen to Skip Levi<div style="text-align: center;">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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The big news in the ski world is that slalom globe winner Henrik Kristoffersen will not race in Levi this weekend because of a dispute with the Norwegian federation. The others have covered this story in depth, so we would normally avoid it like we would playing on railroad tracks. One of our intrepid reporters tried to interview Henrik for this story, but he was not available. Then he tried to interview a representative of the Norwegian federation, but he was also not available. Not to be deterred, our gallant journalist tried one more time and lucked out. Our very own Answer Man, who is really one of our intrepid researchers, was able to give the Blickbild's unique perspective on the strife between Henrik and his federation. Let's find out what he has to say.<br />
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<b>BB: What is the story behind Henrik's problem with his federation? The Norwegians seem like such nice guys. I don't see how anyone could have a dispute with them. </b><br />
<b>Answer Man: </b>It is a long story. The short version is that Henrik is sponsored by Red Bull and wants it as his helmet sponsor instead of Telenor, which is the official Norwegian team sponsor. The federation insists that Henrik must have Telenor on his helmet.<br />
<b>BB: Aksel Lund Svindal has Red Bull on his helmet.</b><br />
<b>Answer Man:</b> Aksel's contract with Red Bull was signed before the Telenor one. The Norwegian federation made an exception in his case and let him have a Red Bull helmet.<br />
<b>BB: And Henrik wants to be able to have a Red Bull helmet too?</b><br />
<b>Answer Man:</b> Right. Everyone in Norway want to be like Aksel. He is a national hero. But think of the Norwegian team as a family and Aksel as the eldest brother. Like in any family, the older siblings get more privileges than the younger ones. Henrik will have to wait his turn just like little brothers the world over.<br />
<b>BB: I also heard that Henrik wants his teammates to join Red Bull, but only he will have special privileges. </b><br />
<b>Answer Man: </b>Yes. Red Bull has offered Henrik his own trainers so that he doesn't have to train with the rest of the team, special gyms, private jets, his own Mafia hit man, and 72 virgins.<br />
<b>BB: Wait a minute! Henrik is not a suicide bomber who will martyr himself for the chance to have 72 virgins in Paradise. </b><br />
<b>Answer Man:</b> In a way he is being a martyr for the cause of wanting to be his own man and not be bound by the rules of his federation. He is basically giving up the slalom globe that he won last season. That sounds like martyrdom to me.<br />
<b>BB: Where will Red Bull find 72 virgins anyway? The ratio of women to men is not high enough to support finding 72 women for every male athlete, let alone 72 who are virgins.</b><br />
<b>Answer Man:</b> That is a good question. But if anyone can find 72 virgins for every male athlete, it would be Red Bull.<br />
<b>BB: Why boycott Levi and not another race? If Henrik could win another reindeer, he would have reindeer steaks and <i>ojlmsfjaegger*</i> for life. Other races don't give out animals to the winners.</b><br />
<b>Answer Man:</b> Even if Henrik won another reindeer in Levi, he would not be allowed to eat it or make <i>ojlmsfjaegger</i> from its heart. Just like with his first reindeer Lars, Henrik had to sign a contract promising that he would not sneak into Finland to capture and eat his reindeer. He will have to use Norwegian reindeer for the recipes in his copy of 365 Ways to Prepare Reindeer.<br />
<b>BB: Now I understand why he is skipping Levi. The reindeer seems to be his in name only. He can't do whatever he wants with it, which could include eating it. </b><br />
<b>Answer Man:</b> Right. Henrik skis for Norway and should eat Norwegian reindeer anyway. At least that is what the Norwegian federation requires.<br />
<b>BB: I am starting to understand Henrik's point of view regarding his federation. (short pause) I heard that Henrik's head sponsor problem is not the only strife in the Norwegian federation. </b><br />
<b>Answer Man:</b> That is correct. There is a big conflict between Grandma Jansrud, who supplies the team with <i>ojlmsfjaegger,</i> and the team witch doctor Dr. Mwafume. It was the main reason that there was no Dave Seville Witch Doctor of the Year award this year.<br />
<b>BB: I was wondering about that and so were our readers. Tell us what happened. </b><br />
<b>Answer Man:</b> Germany's Dr. Mabongo won the award for the fourth year in a row. Just like Lionel Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo win the Ballon d'Or every year, Dr. Mabongo wins the Dave Seville Award. Before the award was officially announced, the Norwegians found out that Dr. Mabongo won it. They felt that either Grandma Jansrud or Dr. Mwafume were more deserving because Team Norway had great performances last season while Germany was so-so. Then a fight broke out between Grandma Jansrud and Dr. Mwafume's supporters. Several hundred people were taken to the hospital. Luckily nobody was killed. It was decided to suspend the Dave Seville Award this year.<br />
<b>BB: I see. Have Grandma Jansrud and Dr. Mwafume's supporters made up?</b><br />
<b>Answer Man:</b> No. The situation has gotten worse between them. It got to the point where Grandma Jansrud hit Dr. Mwafume over the head with her cane and knocked him out. Then just before Soelden she announced that she was on strike and would no longer make <i>ojlmsfjaegger</i> for the team.<br />
<b>BB: I guess that teaches them not to mess with a Norwegian grandmother. It also explains the team's poor performance in Soelden. </b><br />
<b>Answer Man: </b>This leads back to another point of contention between Henrik and the Norwegian federation. Part of Henrik's contract stipulates that he must have fresh <i>ojlmsfjaegger </i>before races<i>.</i> After Grandma Jansrud went on strike, it was too late to put out the call for other Norwegian women to do their patriotic duty and supply the team with <i>ojlmsfjaegger. </i>The federation had to resort to tinned <i>ojlmsfjaegger </i>in Soelden.<br />
<b>BB: No! </b><br />
<b>Answer Man: </b>Yes, it's true.<br />
<b>BB: I can see why he is upset with the Norwegian federation! That alone is a reason to boycott the race in Levi and even quit the team. Speaking of a boycott, I heard that Henrik is trying to get his teammates to boycott races this season. If the Norwegians boycott, and the other racers go on strike in solidarity, will the FIS bring in other racers as strike breakers so that there will be men's races?</b><br />
<b>Answer Man:</b> About 25 or 30 years ago the US National Football League (NFL) used replacement players when the regular athletes went on strike, so a precedent has been set. It is possible that Europa Cup racers will be moved up to the World Cup or others would be brought in to compete.<br />
<b>BB: If the FIS decides to bring in replacement racers, would this be the big break that Vinnie "The Shark" Razzovelli and his band of merry Mafia hit men have been seeking?</b><br />
<b>Answer Man:</b> It could very well happen. Team Freedonia has been looking for its break with the FIS. It is also possible that the Freedonians could recruit Henrik for their team. Since Freedonia is a fictional country, Henrik would not have to worry about the two year residence requirement like he would if he switched to another real country. There is nothing in the FIS Big Book of Rules that deals with fictional lands.<br />
<b>BB: Interesting. Would there be a conflict of interest if Henrik skis for Freedonia because Vinnie is a Red Bull employee?</b><br />
<b>Answer Man: </b>That would have to be sorted out by the FIS and the proper authorities. I don't see a big conflict because Vinnie was never Henrik's personal hit man. If the FIS finds that there is a conflict of interest anyway, Henrik would have to look for another team.<br />
<b>BB: Here is another question. Let's suppose that the FIS decides that women could compete in the men's races because the men are all on strike. Do you think Lindsey Vonn would compete in a men's race?</b><br />
<b>Answer Man:</b> I believe that Lindsey wants to race against men and not compete in a race that is called a men's race but where all of the competitors are women.<br />
<b>BB: It looks like someone is getting into semantics. One more question. Last year Anna Veith had a dispute with the Austrian federation before she was injured. She was recruited by aliens from the planet Zorkon in the Andromeda Galaxy. Has Henrik been approached by scouts from other planets?</b><br />
<b>Answer Man: </b>I have not heard about Henrik being approached by the Zorkonians or other space aliens. But I found out from a reliable source that the Zorkonians have a colony on Earth. One of the research stations in Antarctica is really a Zorkonian colony.<br />
<b>BB: It sounds like the Zorkonians are serious about trying to recruit star ski racers onto their team if they have established a colony on Earth. There are mountains in Antarctica which could be developed into ski slopes and training centres. </b><br />
<b>Answer Man: </b>It is a matter of time before we see our first racer from Zorkon or Antarctica. There is nothing in the FIS Big Book of Rules about competing for Antarctica since nobody has ancestors from there or also for other planets. Henrik could take advantage of that loophole in the Big Book of Rules and be the first racer from either Antarctica or Zorkon.<br />
<b>BB: Ski fans all over the world and universe will have to wait and see what happens between Henrik and the Norwegian federation. Hopefully this situation will be resolved soon and we will see Henrik back on the race pistes competing for Crystal Globes. Well, it looks like we are out of time. I want to thank you for helping our readers understand the conflict between Henrik and his federation. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview. </b><br />
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The Boston Blickild. Our motto is: We are still trying to figure out how every man can have 72 virgins if the ratio of men to women is 50-50.<br />
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The Boston Blickbild is on Facebook. If you enjoy our unique perspective on World Cup Alpine skiing, please like us on Facebook. We are also on Twitter as bostonblickbild.<br />
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* For our newer readers, <i>ojlmsfjaegger</i> are cubes of pickled reindeer heart covered in a special smoked salmon and chocolate sauce. They are eaten on birthdays in Norway.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-64941169597480282152016-10-27T12:54:00.000+02:002016-10-28T22:24:41.878+02:00Soelden Report<div style="text-align: center;">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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The season officially opened last weekend. The others have already reported about Lara Gut and Alexis Pinturault's commanding victories. As usual, we will report on something different. If you want a conventional race report, read Ski Racing magazine or other publications about ski racing. One of our intrepid reporters met up with former fashion students Trent Dillon and Roger (pronounced Ro-zhay) Niedermeyer in Soelden. We first met Trent and Roger at the Vail World Championships (see <a href="http://bostonblickbild.blogspot.de/2015/02/vail-fashion-statements.html">this story</a>). Let's find out what they have to say...<br />
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<b>BB: Trent and Roger, it is good to see you again. How did you enjoy the races?</b><br />
<b>Trent: </b>We especially enjoyed the men's race. Three scrumptious guys on the podium!<br />
<b>Roger: </b>I'll second Trent's opinion, and add that fourth place Zan Kranjec is also cute.<br />
<b>BB: I see that you two are in Europe. Are you--</b><br />
<b>Roger: </b>Yes, we are gay. A lot of people don't realize, it, but we are.<br />
<b>BB: That's hard to believe. People would have to be pretty unperceptive not to realize that you are gay.</b><br />
<b>Trent: </b>I know, right? I guess we somehow do a good job appearing straight.<br />
<b>BB: Anyway, I wanted to ask you why you are in Soelden for the races. </b><br />
<b>Trent:</b> We graduated from fashion design school last year and are now working in Europe designing ski racing suits. It is our dream come true!<br />
<b>BB: Really? Who are you working for?</b><br />
<b>Trent:</b> We got hired by a real ski team to design its racing suits for the St. Moritz World Championships and the 2018 Olympics.<br />
<b>BB: Congratulations! Which team hired you?</b><br />
<b>Roger: </b>Freedonia.<br />
<b>BB: You do realize that Freedonia is a fictional country?</b><br />
<b>Roger: </b>But they have a real ski team and they pay very well.<br />
<b>BB: I would hope so. Team Freedonia is a team of Mafia hit men. </b><br />
<b>Roger: </b>So that's why they wanted pinstriped racing suits.<br />
<b>BB: Let's talk about Soelden. I know that you saw the men's race. What about the women's?</b><br />
<b>Trent and Roger (together): </b>Booooorrrrriiiiiinnnnnggggg!<br />
<b>BB: Really? Lara Gut won by a huge margin and showed that she means business this season. Marta Bassino also earned her first podium place. Petra Vlhova was 8th place with start number 55 and had the best second run. How could you think the race was boring?</b><br />
<b>Trent: </b>Let's talk about Marta's suit. What were the Italians thinking with dark grey? There were no color accents on the Italian suits. They are into a robotic look with those suits. If they are going to be robots, they should be blue because they are the Azzuri, not the Grigios.<br />
<b>Roger: </b>They are too simple. A little dash of color would really make them look better. Petra Vlhova had a white suit with a splash of red and blue and it made for a simple, yet classy, look.<br />
<b>Trent: </b>Dark grey is so blah! If Marta wore black, she would have felt tougher and may have even won the race. When you look tough, you perform tough!<br />
<b>BB: I think that Lara was unbeatable in Soelden. Nobody could have touched her there.</b><br />
<b>Roger: </b>Ewwww! Who would want to touch her?<br />
<b>BB: I did not mean that literally. </b><br />
<b>Roger: </b>Oh thank goodness for that! Anyway, who would want to touch her in that suit?<br />
<b>BB: What is wrong with the Swiss speed suits?</b><br />
<b>Roger: </b>You have to ask? The old look of red, white, and blue was fine. The suits were not too busy nor too plain. But that grey! What were the designers thinking about adding grey?<br />
<b>Trent: </b>It looks like she rolled around in campfire ashes and the Swiss laundry detergent she used didn't work very well to remove them.<br />
<b>BB: I see. </b> <b>And what about Mikaela Shiffrin's suit?</b><br />
<b>Roger: </b>Oh my god! Pink! Who came up with that one? She looked like someone vomited Pepto Bismol all over her suit.<br />
<b>Trent: </b>She might have won the race if she wasn't wearing pink. She is supposed to be a tough athlete and not a wilting flower. Pink is for sissies.<br />
<b>BB: Lindsey Vonn won a lot of races with a pink and white suit.</b><br />
<b>Roger: </b>Lindsey needs pink to look feminine while being a great athlete because she is bigger than the other girls. But most women don't need pink to look like girls. If Mikaela wore black, she would have looked very intimidating and won the race.<br />
<b>BB: I don't know about that. Lara showed that her overall title last year was no fluke. Now on to the men's race. What did you like most about the men's race?</b><br />
<b>Trent and Roger (together)</b>: The racers!<br />
<b>Trent: </b>The podium could not have been any better, except if Aksel Lund Svindal was on it.<br />
<b>BB: Aksel is not gay.</b><br />
<b>Trent: </b>It's true that the good ones are either married or straight.<br />
<b>BB: Do you have any issues with the men's suits?</b><br />
<b>Roger: </b>Who can resist an athlete in a tight suit? Not me!<br />
<b>Trent: </b>Or me!<br />
<b>Roger: </b>Marcel Hirscher really should lose the beard though. He looks much better without it.<br />
<b>BB: So the women's suits were bad but the men's were okay?</b><br />
<b>Trent: </b>Not really. Let's start with Alexis Pinturault. He was also in dark grey. The French went from suits with crazy patterns to dark grey this season. You couldn't tell the French from the Italians because their suits looked alike.<br />
<b>BB: It seems like grey is the in color in racing suits this season. We all know that the French and Italians are fashion trend setters. </b><br />
<b>Trent:</b> Grey is so depressing! I'm surprised that Alexis and his teammates made it into the second run with those suits. I get depressed just looking at them. I could not imagine having to wear one.<br />
<b>BB: Alexis continued his hot streak in GS from last season and showed that he is a serious candidate for the overall globe. </b><br />
<b>Trent: </b>He certainly is hot!<br />
<b>BB: And straight.</b><br />
<b>Trent: </b>It figures.<br />
<b>Roger: </b>Who was the genius who came up with Austria's suits? The only thing I can say about them is that they are not grey. That pattern of turquoise and black is hard on the eyes! I'm surprised that Marcel could even see where he was going. If I wore that suit, I would have been blinded!<br />
<b>BB: They do match the turquoise or black jackets that the Austrian team wears.</b><br />
<b>Roger: </b>And what is with those colors? Whatever happened to the Austrian national colors of red and white?<br />
<b>Trent: </b>At least the suits match the jackets. Red and white suits would clash big time with the jackets and pants!<br />
<b>BB: It looks like the new trend is for teams not to put their national colors on their racing suits. The Italians and French are in grey, the US is in pink, and the Austrians are in turquoise and black. The one thing that has stayed the same over the years is the German suit.</b><br />
<b>Trent: </b>Some things never change and I do like the snakeskin look on the arms of Felix Neureuther's suit.<br />
<b>Roger: </b>Now that is an interesting look. Zebra stripes on the bottom and a snakeskin look on top. When you look like a wild animal, you feel like one and perform like one. That is how he got onto the podium.<br />
<b>BB: It was his first podium finish in Soelden. </b><br />
<b>Trent: </b>Felix is always on my podium!<br />
<b>BB: I hate to tell you this, but Felix is straight. But he has a big gay following.</b><br />
<b>Trent:</b> Well of course he does! He's cute and nice too. No sane man can resist him.<br />
<b>BB: Do you have anything to say about the other racers?</b><br />
<b>Roger: </b>At least Finland has a better suit this year. The Finns don't look like they graduated Magna Cum Laude from Clown College anymore.<br />
<b>Trent: </b>I don't have anything to add.<br />
<b>BB: That's good because....well, it looks like we are out of time. Trent and Roger, thank you for another fascinating interview. You gave our readers a different perspective on the races in Soelden. Good luck with your designing career and maybe we will see your designs in St. Moritz and Pyeongchang. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview.</b><br />
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: We wear normal clothing at work. No weird patterns, plain grey, or clashing colors for us!<br />
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The Boston Blickbild is on Facebook. If you enjoy our unique perspective on World Cup Alpine skiing, please like us on Facebook. We are also on Twitter as bostonblickbild.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-89754228883684659372016-10-08T19:57:00.001+02:002016-10-08T19:57:15.747+02:00Book Review<div style="text-align: center;">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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Lindsey Vonn's book was just released and she is currently touring the USA to promote it. The others have written about her book, so we would normally avoid this subject like we would sulfur fumes. But people are buying her book, so we have no choice but to do a review with our unique spin. Unfortunately, Lindsey was not available because of her book tour calendar. But one of our intrepid reporters got the second best person to interview--Lindey's sister Laura Kildow, who is also an aspiring writer. Let's find out what she has to say.</div>
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<strong>BB: It looks like Lindsey's book is going to be a success. However, we noticed that you were not the ghost writer of her book. </strong></div>
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<strong>Kildow:</strong> You are the first person to notice and mention that.</div>
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<strong>BB: Our reporters are not only intrepid, they are incredibly observant. </strong></div>
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<strong>Kildow:</strong> I can see that. Hey, I am observant too.</div>
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<strong>BB: So you are. You have a goal to be a writer, yet your sister did not let you ghost write her book. Tell our readers how you feel about that.</strong></div>
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<strong>Kildow:</strong> I'm glad that someone noticed. I would have thought that Lindsey would have made her book a family affair. After all, I wrote a nice blog that she shared on her Facebook page. I'm good enough to write a blog but not good enough to ghost write my sister's book. Is that what she thinks? If she thinks that I will share anymore of my blog posts with her, she is wrong!<br />
<b>BB: I can understand why you feel that way. Your blog post about the hospital in Schladming where Lindsey went after her injury at the World Championships still makes me want to avoid Austrian hospitals. And your descriptions of driving in Europe would scare anyone who never drove there before. </b><br />
<b>Kildow:</b> That is so kind of you to notice. You seem to be a sensitive person.<br />
<b>BB: Yes we Blickbild reporters are not only intrepid and observant, we are also sensitive. Onto the book itself. What did you think of it?</b><br />
<b>Kildow:</b> Even though I did not ghost write it, I read it anyway. It was very good and any young woman reading it will no longer be ashamed of her body. Our bodies are all beautiful, especially when we eat right and exercise. We can become powerful and strong but still be beautiful. That is the message that Lindsey is trying to give girls and young women.<br />
<b>BB: Are you sure we read the same book? From what I read, she tells girls and women that they should not feel self-conscious about their bodies and should feel good about themselves. </b><br />
<b>Kildow:</b> That is true.<br />
<b>BB: But on the other hand, she is giving her target audience mixed messages. First she tells them to feel good about themselves, no matter how they look. But she has quite a few photos of herself wearing very little clothing. Someone reading the book will see Lindsey and feel even worse about herself because she knows she could never look like her. It's like a little girl playing with a Barbie doll and realizing that she will never have a body like Barbie's. </b><br />
<b>Kildow: </b>Did you really read the book?<br />
<b>BB: OK, I confess. I only read an excerpt from it, which happened to contain quite a few photos of a scantily-clad Lindsey. Are you sure that girls are the target audience and not teenage boys and middle-aged perverts?</b><br />
<b>Kildow:</b> Yes. Why would teenage boys and old men want to buy a book that talks about empowering women? You'd think that they would avoid something to help women become stronger and more beautiful.<br />
<b>BB: You would think so, but I'm just saying that a lot of men will buy Lindsey's book and not for the fitness tips. </b><br />
<b>Kildow:</b> You really think so?<br />
<b>BB: Yes. We Blickbild reporters are intrepid, observant, sensitive, and psychic.</b><br />
<b>Kildow:</b> Now I understand why I was never hired by the Blickbild. I don't have all of those qualities. Being a good writer is not enough for you. Maybe I should give up writing and look for a different career.<br />
<b>BB: Let's move onto one more topic. Lindsey gave a recent interview in which she said that skiers and snowboarders should have their separate ski areas. What do you think of that?</b><br />
<b>Kildow:</b> I think it's a good idea. Snowboarders sit in the middle of the run and block everyone else. They also put big ruts in the ski runs. Lindsey has a good point about keeping them separate.<br />
<b>BB: When was the last time that Lindsey skied on a public slope with everyone else? World Cup racers train early in the morning before the ski hill opens. The runs that they train on are also closed to the general public. </b><br />
<b>Kildow:</b> But it is still a good idea to keep them separate.<br />
<b>BB: I'm going to take your argument further. Let's suppose that you have a married couple where the husband is a boarder and the wife is a skier. Are you proposing that they must go on separate holidays?</b><br />
<b>Kildow:</b> They would have to if there are certain resorts for skiers and others just for snowboarders. Maybe they should have realized that they would have to go to separate places before they got married. They should not wait until after the wedding to find out that they can't take vacations together.<br />
<b>BB: Ooooh, that is harsh! What about parents who are boarders but have young children who ski? The kids are too young to be alone on a different mountain than their parent.</b><br />
<b>Kildow:</b> Maybe their kids should have become boarders. You really have to think about those issues<br />
before having children.<br />
<b>BB: I think I found your perfect career--marriage and family counselor. (short pause) What about a person who both skis and boards?</b><br />
<b>Kildow:</b> You mean like that Czech lady?<br />
<b>BB: Ester Ledecka. OK, imagine that Ester Ledecka is out with her friends and brings both skis and a snowboard. She wants to take a few ski runs and then switch to her snowboard. Would she have to ski, drive to a different hill, board, drive back to the first hill, ski, drive back to the second hill, board, and keep repeating this process all day?</b><br />
<b>Kildow:</b> That sounds like a big hassle. But maybe she should pick one sport and stick with it.<br />
<b>BB: Let's take this even further. We have skiers and snowboarders separated from each other. Would you or Lindsey really want to be responsible for families being torn apart because they love different snow sports and can't participate in them in the same location?</b><br />
<b>Kildow:</b> They are making the choice of sports. It is not my fault, or Lindsey's, if families are torn apart because some members like to ski and others like to snowboard.<br />
<b>BB: What about separating skiers by religion or nationality? Should the Catholic skiers have a separate hill from the Jewish, Protestant, or Buddhist ones? </b><br />
<b>Kildow: </b>I think you are taking this too far.<br />
<b>BB: I don't think so. First it starts out separating skiers and snowboarders. Next everyone is separated by skin color, nationality, religion, color of their ski clothes, and whether they wear one-piece suits or separate pants and jacket. In five years everyone will have his or her own private ski or boarding mountain because we don't want those with green jackets mixing with those in black jackets. </b><br />
<b>Kildow:</b> Do you really think all that could happen from separating skiers and snowboarders?<br />
<b>BB: Oh yes. Maybe not in the next five years, but I can see it happening in our lifetimes. Now how do you feel about separating skiers and snowboarders?</b><br />
<b>Kildow:</b> Maybe it is not such a good idea after all.<br />
<b>BB: Now you see the light. Everyone should all get along. Well, it looks like we are out of time. I want to thank you for another interesting chat. Maybe one day your powers of observation will help land you a job with us or as a family counselor. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview. </b><br />
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: Our reporters are not trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent because they are not Boy Scouts. But they are intrepid, observant, sensitive, and have psychic powers.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-74902556047788506622016-09-23T08:56:00.000+02:002016-10-09T09:08:14.209+02:00Bode Miller and His Lawsuits <div style="text-align: center;">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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US ski racer Bode Miller is suing Head in order to get out of his contract with that firm. He wants to come back to World Cup racing on Bomber skis. However, we think that he should stick to his original proposal of coming back on cheap rental skis (see <a href="http://bostonblickbild.blogspot.de/2015/11/bode-miller-to-come-back-in-201617-on.html">this story</a>). The others have already reported the story of Bode and his conflict between Head and Bomber. But, as usual, we have our unique perspective on this story. Here to help untangle the threads of the various contracts and lawsuits is the Blickbild's very own legal expert. We will call him Ralf because he does not want to be identified. Let's find out what he has to say. </div>
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<b>BB: Let's see if I have this correct. Bode has a contract with Head to use its skis through this coming season. </b></div>
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<b>Ralf: </b>Yes. If he wants to race in the World Cup, he must use Head skis. His contract with Head says that he must use its skis for racing until the end of this coming season. After that, he is free to use any other brand. </div>
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<b>BB: But he would rather use Bomber skis? Are they really better than Head skis?</b><br />
<b>Ralf:</b> Yes to the first question. He is a part owner in Bomber and wants to promote that brand. I don't know if they are really better than Head skis. The Answer Man might know because he knows everything.<br />
<b>BB: And Head is obviously unhappy about that. But if Bode has a contract with Head, shouldn't he honor it?</b><br />
<b>Ralf:</b> Yes he should. But he is suing Head to get out of his contract, even though Head is paying him good money through the end of this season.<br />
<b>BB: It sounds like he has signed two different contracts, one with Head and one with Bomber. Which one should he really honor?</b><br />
<b>Ralf: </b>Good manners dictate that he should go with the one he signed first, which is the one with Head. The lawsuit is to get out of that contract.<br />
<b>BB: It reminds me of a guy who is trying to date two girls at once. I don't think that anybody is going to end up happy. </b><br />
<b>Ralf: </b>Right. When a man is dating two women at once, what usually happens is that both women find out and then band together against the man. Either that or the two women turn on each other and still drop the man like a hot potato. No matter how the women react, it is generally not a happy ending for the man.<br />
<b>BB: Do you think that either Head or Bomber will countersue?</b><br />
<b>Ralf:</b> It is possible. Bode could end up spending the ski season in court instead of trying to come back to racing after taking a break for a year.<br />
<b>BB: Do you think that Head would send Mafia enforcer Vinnie "The Shark" Razzovelli after Bode to ensure that he races on Head skis?</b><br />
<b>Ralf:</b> Maybe. Vinnie is currently on holiday, but Head could tell Vinnie to convince Bode that he should race on Head skis instead of Bombers. I'm sure that Bode values his kneecaps and would come around. This would certainly avoid any prolonged legal battles between Bode, Head, and Bomber.<br />
<b>BB: I heard that this is not the only legal problem that Bode is having. Is that true?</b><br />
<b>Ralf:</b> That is correct. He is suing his third grade teacher and seat mate for lifelong trauma caused by an injury.<br />
<b>BB: Hey wait a minute! Wasn't he home schooled?</b><br />
<b>Ralf: </b>Yes. His mother was also his teacher and his sister was his seat mate at the kitchen table for lessons.<br />
<b>BB: Tell our readers about his particular lawsuit.</b><br />
<b>Ralf:</b> As I mentioned before, Bode and his sister sat next to each other at the kitchen table for lessons. His sister evidently put her pencil on his side of the table and he put it back onto her side. She then moved the pencil back to Bode's side. After five or six repetitions of this, Bode took the pencil and stabbed his sister in the arm with it.<br />
<b>BB: It sounds like his sister should be suing him for the injury as well as pain and suffering. </b><br />
<b>Ralf: </b>She is countersuing for the injury because she still has a scar from where the pencil point broke the skin. Anyway, Bode stabbed his sister and then she punched him in the arm. Then she wailed very loudly, which hurt his eardrums.<br />
<b>BB: So why is Mom named as a party in the suit?</b><br />
<b>Ralf:</b> According to Bode, his mother did not have control over his sister, which led to him being punched in the arm and having to listen to his sister cry.<br />
<b>BB: What kind of a person sues his own mother and sister for a childhood injury which obviously had no effect on his racing?</b><br />
<b>Ralf:</b> That is a very good question. In my opinion, the injury was a good thing because it made him want to be faster than his sister. If anything, his sister should sue him for the scar, her pain and suffering, and the trauma of being beaten by her brother because he became faster than her.<br />
<b>BB: Was there really a lot of pain and suffering? I was stabbed in the arm with a pencil by my friend when I was in second grade and the pain went away after a few minutes. I was fine after that and suffered no lifelong trauma from that incident. </b><br />
<b>Ralf: </b>Uh....you work for the Blickbild. Anyone who works for the Blickbild has to have suffered some sort of trauma to work there. Why else would anyone be a Blickbild reporter?<br />
<b>BB: Because the Blickbild is known for having the most intrepid reporters and researchers in the business. Only the most intrepid earn the right to be called a Blickbild employee. I could say the same for you because you are the Blickbild's legal consultant.</b><br />
<b>Ralf: </b>I am a self-employed consultant. The Blickbild happens to pay very well.<br />
<b>BB: So you are our legal consultant for the money. Yet you seem like the type who has not suffered any sort of childhood trauma, so not all Blickbild employees have deep psychological scars. Let's get back to the subject of Bode and his lawsuits. So far he is suing Head, his mother, and his sister. Are there any other lawsuits?</b><br />
<b>Ralf:</b> Yes, there is the biggest one of all. He is suing every racer who won in Kitzbuehel since 2003.<br />
<b>BB: Really? Is this like a class action suit in reverse? Instead of a lot of people suing one person, he is suing his fellow racers?</b><br />
<b>Ralf:</b> That's right. He is suing them for not letting him win in Kitzbuehel and cementing his legacy.<br />
<b>BB: What is it with American ski racers and their legacies? Lindsey Vonn says that her records are her legacy and Bode says that Kitzbuehel is his. Nobody in the States really knows or cares who they are. When they retire they will lead anonymous lives or be commentators at the Winter Olympics every four years.</b><br />
<b>Ralf: </b>Bode has suffered a lot of mental anguish over not winning in Kitzbuehel. It is the other racers' fault for not letting him win. Every year it seems like he wins the training runs but does not win the actual race. The others really should have let him win the real races as well as the training runs. He would have won Kitzbuehel at least ten times if the others were nicer.<br />
<b>BB: Maybe he should be suing the team psychologist for not preparing him mentally to win the real race instead of his fellow racers. </b><br />
<b>Ralf: </b>That makes sense. The team psychologist is the one who helps the racers with mental preparation.<br />
<b>BB: Or maybe he should sue the US Ski Team for not providing him with a witch doctor. A lot of teams have witch doctors, who helped their racers with mental training.</b><br />
<b>Ralf:</b> That is a great idea! The US Ski Team never believed in witch doctors. If the team had one, maybe Bode could have won in Kitzbuehel. There were a lot of witch doctors looking for jobs and the US Ski Team refused to hire one. Because of the refusal to hire a witch doctor to help Bode with mental training, he could not win in Kitzbuehel. Therefore, he suffered severe mental anguish because he was unable to cement his legacy.<br />
<b>BB: That makes a lot of sense and certainly sounds better than suing family members. One last thought. Maybe he should be suing Head for not providing him with a Mafia hit man to eliminate the competition in Kitzbuehel. Then he would have been the only athlete in the race and therefore the winner by default. He would have fulfilled his wish of winning in Kitzbuehel and furthered his legacy. </b><br />
<b>Ralf: </b>That is true. It sounds like Bode has a valid lawsuit against Head, but for the wrong thing. Instead of suing to get out of his contract, he should be suing Head for not providing a Mafia enforcer. Vinnie The Shark could have been Bode's personal hit man instead of Lindsey Vonn's bodyguard.<br />
<b>BB: Exactly! Well, it looks like we are out of time. Ralf, I want to thank you for this interview and helping to explain all of Bode's various lawsuits. Let's hope that he can settle them before the season starts next month so that his fans can watch him for one more season. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview. </b><br />
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: We have never been sued by our employees even though we should sue our previous batch or reporters for being exceptionally lazy.<br />
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The Boston Blickbild is on Facebook. If you enjoy our unique perspective on World Cup Alpine skiing, please like us on Facebook. We are also on Twitter as bostonblickbild.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-38520074318063374582016-08-15T14:39:00.002+02:002016-08-15T14:39:52.251+02:00Drug Testing<div align="center">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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Canadian World Championship medalist Dustin Cook recently gave an interview to Ski Racing magazine about his experiences with drug testing. Others approached him for interviews about the FIS and drug testing, but he chose us. Yes, one of our not-yet-as-intrepid-as-his-predecessors-but-slowly-getting-there reporters was given the privilege of interviewing the likeable Canadian. Let's find out what he has to say.</div>
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<b>BB: Before we begin talking about drug testing, you and Anna Veith decided to have a competition where you used kangaroos as your champions. How did that go? (see <a href="http://bostonblickbild.blogspot.de/2015/12/battle-of-sexes-austriancanadian-style.html">this story)</a></b></div>
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<b>Cook:</b> It didn't happen. I got the t-shirts made for the kangaroos after long discussions with Anna about the colors. The national colors of both Austria and Canada are red and white. We finally decided that her kangaroo would have the red shirt and mine would have the white one. </div>
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<b>BB: That sounds fair. Were the shirts the wrong size for the kangaroos?</b></div>
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<b>Cook: </b>No, they were perfect. But the Salzburg Zoo did not want to lend out the kangaroos for our challenge. </div>
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<b>BB: Even though Anna is a local heroine in Salzburg?</b></div>
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<b>Cook:</b> Right. I even offered to go over to see if I could convince the zookeepers to let us borrow the kangaroos, but Anna decided that the competition was off. But we got to keep the shirts. </div>
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<b>BB: Now that you and Anna have recovered from your injuries, will you compete against each other on the race pistes?</b><br />
<b>Cook:</b> I'm sure that we will see each other in St. Moritz at the World Championships. But we won't race against each other. I'm sure that Anna prefers to race against other women because she is sensible and sane. It would be fun to be in a women's race because what guy wouldn't want to be surrounded by lots of women! But I will compete in men's races this season. I hope to talk to Anna in St. Moritz because she is very nice and has a great sense of humor. (short pause) Hey, I thought we were supposed to talk about drug testing.<br />
<b>BB: We will get to it, don't worry. But first, I have one more question for you. Is it true that your parents really beat you when you were not polite to others?</b><br />
<b>Cook:</b> (smiling) Don't all Canadian parents beat their kids when they are rude? I know it seems counter-intuitive that beating your kids makes them polite and friendly. But it works in Canada. It is important for us Canadians to uphold our reputation of being nice. Even Jan Hudec, who was an immigrant, learned very quickly to be nice. <br />
<b>BB: Yes, Jan is one of the friendliest racers in the World Cup. So was Larisa Yurkiw before she retired. How do you feel about Jan competing for the Czech Republic?</b><br />
<b>Cook:</b> We will miss him on the team, but I'm happy that he will carry on racing. I also hope to see him at races and in St. Moritz.<br />
<b>BB: Let's talk about drug testing. Do you really have to be available at all times to be drug tested?</b><br />
<b>Cook: </b>Yes. I can be tested any time during both racing season and in the off-season. <br />
<b>BB: Do the drug testers give you any notice that they are coming?</b><br />
<b>Cook:</b> In the off-season they don't. I have to let the testers know where I am so they can come and test me anytime. <br />
<b>BB: Suppose you decide to go for a last-minute hike in the woods. Do you have to let the testers know?</b><br />
<b>Cook:</b> Yes. They can theoretically meet me on the trail.<br />
<b>BB: But what if you have too much water while you are hiking and have to pee before the testers arrive?</b><br />
<b>Cook:</b> Then I guess they would have to wait for the next sample. <br />
<b>BB: Have you ever been in a situation where you were out of touch with the drug testers? For example, have you ever been abducted by aliens who jammed your mobile phone signal?</b><br />
<b>Cook:</b> Uh...no, I have never been abducted by aliens. <br />
<b>BB: Do you believe in space aliens?</b><br />
<b>Cook:</b> I suppose there could be life on other planets, so I guess the answer is yes.<br />
<b>BB: Tell our readers about drug testing at races. </b><br />
<b>Cook:</b> Everyone who is on the podium gets tested. Once I know I am on the podium for sure, the FIS assigns a bodyguard to make sure I don't sneak off before giving a sample. The bodyguard stays with me until I have peed.<br />
<b>BB: So if it takes you five hours to pee after a race, the bodyguard stays with you?</b><br />
<b>Cook:</b> In theory, yes. I normally take care of business before a race, so sometimes it takes a while afterward until I have to go again. But the FIS has a great procedure to help the process.<br />
<b>BB: Can you explain the process?</b><br />
<b>Cook: </b>Yes. After the race the podium finishers and anyone else who is randomly selected for testing go into a special room. We are shown a video of waterfalls, rivers, showers, and running sink taps for about 30 minutes. <br />
<b>BB: What happens if that doesn't work?</b><br />
<b>Cook:</b> Then each racer is given a liter of water to drink. That usually does the trick for me. But if that doesn't work then the racers are given a liter of non-alcoholic light beer. If anything will make someone pee, it is light beer. <br />
<b>BB: True. Someone once said that people who drink light beer don't like the taste of beer. They just like to pee a lot. What if the light beer doesn't work?</b><br />
<b>Cook:</b> Then that person must have the world's largest bladder! I don't know because either the video or the water does it for me. <br />
<b>BB: Is there a further step?</b><br />
<b>Cook: </b>I'm not sure. I heard that the drug testers stick a needle directly into a racer's kidney to get a sample. I also heard that they inject the athletes with a super diuretic drug that makes them pee instantly. But I don't know anyone who either had a kidney tapped or who was given a diuretic drug. <br />
<b>BB: What was you most unusual encounter with a drug tester?</b><br />
<b>Cook: </b>I was in my bathroom brushing my teeth before bed one night, when I heard a strange noise from the toilet. I looked down in the toilet bowl and there was a little man rowing a little boat. He was wearing a sea captain's hat, a blue blazer, a white turtleneck shirt, and white pants and was holding something up. (watch <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DC_M2VgfVA">this video to see him</a>)<br />
<b>BB: I think you have been watching too many TV commercials from the 1970s. </b><br />
<b>Cook:</b> No, I don't know any 1970s TV commercials. Anyway, the man stood up in the boat. Then he called my name, told me not to flush, then gave me what he was holding in his hand--a specimen cup.<br />
<b>BB: So you're telling me that a miniature man in a rowboat in your toilet had you take a drug test?</b><br />
<b>Cook:</b> It does sound weird, but it's true. <br />
<b>BB: It certainly beats Lindsey Vonn's drug test at a red carpet event for weirdness. So what happened after you gave your sample?</b><br />
<b>Cook: </b>He took the cup and rowed away. I thought it was a dream at first, but then I got the results and I was clean. The date of the test was the night I saw the little man. I don't know how he did it, but he found his way to the testing lab in his rowboat. <br />
<b>BB: If you can believe in life on other planets, then you can also believe in little men in rowboats in your toilet giving you drug tests. Well, it looks like we are out of time. Dustin, I want to thank you for this interview. You were nice as ever, so you don't need to worry about Mom beating you for being rude. We at the Blickbild also want to wish you a successful 2016/17 season. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview. </b><br />
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: Our reporters may seem like they are drugs, but they are simply unique.<br />
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The Boston Blickbild is on Facebook. If you enjoy our unique perspective on World Cup Alpine skiing, please like us on Facebook. We are also on Twitter as bostonblickbild.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-7706584284904650922016-07-23T14:31:00.000+02:002016-07-28T13:40:36.071+02:00Is Garmisch Too Unsafe for World Cup Races?<div align="center">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive<br />
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We had to fire our intrepid reporters and research team because they got very lazy. Then we hired a new bunch. But they were not as intrepid as their predecessors, so we fired them and got some new ones. That group was even less intrepid and wanted to watch football tournaments instead of paying attention to the ski racing world. So we hired more reporters and researchers who were even less intrepid, and even lazier, than the second batch. But we are sticking with them for now because they are all we have. Due to a recent crime wave in Garmisch, the FIS fears that it may not be safe for the racers. One of our not-as intrepid-as-his-predecessors reporters got a chance to talk to our old friend Hermann Mayer. Herr Mayer was the police chief of Schladming and is now a special consultant to the FIS on crime. Let's find out what he has to say.<br />
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<b>BB: Herr Mayer, I see that you have two dogs with you. Isn't one bloodhound good enough?</b></div>
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<b>Mayer:</b> You are obviously new. Otherwise you would know that one is Fido, who is almost ready to retire and the other one is Spot, who will take Fido's place. Have you even read any of my previous Blickbild interviews?<br />
<b>BB: Uh...no.</b><br />
<b>Mayer:</b> Ai yai yai! They should have taught you in journalism school to research your interview subjects. You did go to journalism school, didn't you?<br />
<b>BB: No. But I took a creative writing course in high school.</b><br />
<b>Mayer:</b> I didn't think that even the Blickbild could sink so low. Well, shall we get on with this interview?<br />
<b>BB: Yes, of course. (short pause) Can you tell our readers about the recent crime wave in Garmisch?</b><br />
<b>Mayer: </b>It was not really in Garmisch, but in one of the neighboring villages.<br />
<b>BB: What happened?</b><br />
<b>Mayer:</b> Nineteen goats went missing about a month ago.<br />
<b>BB: That's it? A farmer in some village near Garmisch is missing 19 goats and that makes it unsafe for the World Cup races?</b><br />
<b>Mayer:</b> Possibly. After almost a month, nobody knows what happened to those goats. They could have wandered off on their own, or they could have been stolen.<br />
<b>BB: Were you and your dogs brought in to find the goats?</b><br />
<b>Mayer:</b> No. But we are aiding the local police. My main job is to make sure that Garmisch will be safe for both the racers and fans.<br />
<b>BB: Who would want to steal 19 goats?</b><br />
<b>Mayer:</b> My best guess is someone who likes to eat goat cheese or drink goat milk. My team has also been monitoring local restaurants for sudden special offers on drinks made with goat milk, pizzas or salads with goat cheese, or dishes made with unknown mystery meat. We are also checking health food stores for unusual shipments of goat products. <br />
<b>BB: Could the goats have been abducted by aliens or a Yeti?</b><br />
<b>Mayer: </b>I doubt it. There have not been any reports of space alien activity in the area and there are no Yetis in the German Alps that we know of. <b> </b> <br />
<b>BB: Assuming the goats were stolen by a human, is this an unusual crime in the Garmisch area?</b><br />
<b>Mayer:</b> Yes. Most crime in Garmisch involves riding bicycles the wrong way on the sidewalk. Sometimes bicycles get stolen, but this is the first time we have a report about missing goats. But we still don't know for sure if they were really stolen or simply wandered off.<br />
<b>BB: What are the odds of finding the goats alive after being missing for almost a month? When humans are kidnapped, most are killed within the first 24 hours of their abduction. </b><br />
<b>Mayer:</b> Goats are pretty resourceful and can live off the land. I would not be surprised at all if they were found wandering in the mountains. Some of the evidence points to them being driven away by a local dog. But the evidence with the dog could be a way to distract us from the real criminal.<br />
<b>BB: So if the goats were driven away by a dog, and are still alive, why are we discussing this at all? It seems to me that Garmisch will be perfectly safe for the races this coming season. </b><br />
<b>Mayer: </b>I'm surprised that the Blickbild hired you because you really need some experience on the crime beat of a local newspaper. First of all, the goats went missing from a neighboring village. This crime spree could spread to Garmisch and next thing you know, cows will go missing in Garmisch itself. Secondly, if the goats were indeed stolen, the person who committed this crime could be doing this as a test run for the World Cup races. If he could easily steal 19 goats, it would be child's play to abduct a World Cup racer. Nineteen racers could go missing in Garmisch and nobody would know what happened to them. <br />
<b>BB: Don't you think it would be hard to kidnap a World Cup racer? Between the other racers, the press, their trainers, and the fans, there would be a lot of witnesses.</b><br />
<b>Mayer: </b>The racers would not necessarily be abducted on a race or training day. They could be taken from their hotel rooms or while out in town. <br />
<b>BB: Who would want to kidnap a World Cup ski racer anyway? They seem pretty high maintenance, plus they eat a lot. A kidnapper could not afford the food bills for one racer, let alone nineteen. </b><br />
<b>Mayer:</b> There are a lot of strange and sick people out there. Someone out there wanted 19 goats badly enough to take them. <br />
<b>BB: Yes, but goats are useful. You can eat them if you are hungry and milk them if you are thirsty. A ski racer is pretty useless, though they may be tasty because they have a lot of muscle. </b><br />
<b>Mayer:</b> What an awful thought! Where did the Blickbild's editor find you anyway? <br />
<b>BB: I got my job fair and square! </b><br />
<b>Mayer:</b> You may not remember this, but Garmisch was a real hotbed of crime a few seasons ago. Someone stole Julia Mancuso's Go-Pro camera and someone else made death threats against Tina Maze. It is not at all farfetched that someone would want to kidnap a World Cup ski racer, or even 19 of them. It is my job to ensure that Garmisch is safe for all during the races. <br />
<b>BB: If anyone sees the missing goats, what should he do? And how will someone know if those are the correct goats? Are they marked, or are they wearing little Lederhosen?</b><br />
<b>Mayer:</b> If someone sees goats where they don't belong, he should call the local police. Goats grazing in a fenced-in area are probably not the missing ones. But goats riding in a ski area gondola are suspicious and are probably the missing ones. And no, the goats are not wearing clothing, nor do they have any special markings. They look like normal goats. <br />
<b>BB: I hope you solve the mystery of the missing goats before the races in Garmisch. If nobody figures out how they went missing, will the races be cancelled?</b><br />
<b>Mayer:</b> We hope that the races won't have to be cancelled. But to be safe, there will be extra security at the race venue and in town. But we are confident that this mystery will be solved. They will not end up like the army who tried to invade Slovenia a few years ago and ended up somewhere in Siberia. <br />
<b>BB: What happened to that army?</b><br />
<b>Mayer:</b> You really need to read old Blickbild stories and do your homework. I can't do all your work for you. Fido, Spot, and I have work to do to help the police find the goats and ensure that Garmisch will be safe for everyone. <br />
<b>BB: I think that I have said all I can. Well, it looks like we are out of time. Herr Mayer, thank you for the interview. I hope you and your bloodhounds find the missing goats before the races so everyone can feel secure. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview.</b><br />
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: Ai yai yai! We really need our old reporters back.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06186744204712094057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4695099169936798184.post-64561233260380067452016-04-12T17:06:00.000+02:002016-04-12T17:06:19.612+02:00Stefan Abplanalp Seeks New Horizons<div style="text-align: center;">
A Boston Blickbild Exclusive</div>
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Swiss trainer Stefan Abplanalp has resigned his position as head trainer for the Swiss C-Kader. The reason for his resignation was that he is looking for new challenges and wants to expand his horizons. The others have already reported this story, so we would normally avoid it like a cup of hemlock. But we have our own unique perspective on this story. One of our intrepid reporters was able to interview Mr. Abplanalp about his surprise resignation and other things. This interview was conducted before he was hired to coach Hungarian World Cup racer Edit Miklos. Let's find out what he has to say.</div>
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<b>BB: Please tell our readers why you wanted to resign from the Swiss team for the second time. </b></div>
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<b>Abplanalp: </b>I want a new challenge in life and want to expand my horizons.</div>
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<b>BB: That is what you have told the others. But we want to look into why you have such a hard time keeping a job. At first it seemed like you had no job troubles because you were a trainer for the Swiss team until 2012.</b></div>
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<b>Abplanalp:</b> That is correct. </div>
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<b>BB: Did you enjoy your time with the Swiss team?</b></div>
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<b>Abplanalp:</b> Yes. </div>
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<b>BB: So why did you leave?</b></div>
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<b>Abplanalp:</b> There was the story going around that I showed up drunk to a race, which is false. But it was making the rounds of the Swiss tabloids. I thought that the best way to stop the tabloid stories was to go to another team. Fortunately, the Norwegians hired me to work with Lotte Sejersted and Ragnhild Mowinckel.</div>
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<b>BB: It's good that the Norwegians believe in second chances. You were doing a great job with Lotte and Ragnhild. Why would you leave when they started having some success in the World Cup?</b></div>
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<b>Abplanalp: </b>I absolutely hated those chocolate and fish cubes that the Norwegians eat at every meal.</div>
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<b>BB: You mean <i>ojlmsfjaegger?</i></b></div>
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<b>Abplanalp:</b><i> </i>Yes. Who could have invented such a food? Give me a good fondue any day.</div>
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<b>BB: You must have had <i>ojlmsfjaegger</i> from a can because the homemade ones are pretty good. I have eaten Grandma Jansrud's <i>ojlmsfjaegger</i> and lived to tell the tale. They are a beloved birthday treat in Norway.</b></div>
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<b>Abplanalp</b>: Anyway, one of the requirements for renewing my contract with Team Norway was that I had to eat a minimum amount of those things every month. There was no way I could do it, so I took the job with the US Team.</div>
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<b>BB: You really need to give the homemade ones a chance. The tinned ones are awful, but the homemade ones are much better. According the the Norwegian team, Grandma Jansrud combines those pickled cubes of reindeer heart with a smoked salmon and chocolate sauce better than anyone. But enough about<i> ojlmsfjaegger</i>. Let's talk about your experience with the US team.</b></div>
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<b>Abplanalp:</b> The US speed team is very talented, but in the end I could not work with them. Some of the ladies thought that they were too good to train with the team and it undermined my efforts. In Switzerland the whole team trains together. Another reason for leaving was that the US team wanted to have more US trainers and fewer foreign ones. So I went back to Switzerland.</div>
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<b>BB: You have done very well with your Swiss group, especially Beatrice Scalvedi. She did well in the Europa Cup this past season and also won medals at the Junior World Championships. Don't you want to stay around to see how she develops in the World Cup?</b></div>
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<b>Abplanalp:</b> Once she gets to the B and A Kaders, I would no longer be training her. I would have others to train. I decided that the time is right for new challenges.</div>
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<b>BB: Are your romantic relationships successful?</b></div>
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<b>Abplanalp:</b> What does that have to do with my career as a ski trainer?</div>
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<b>BB: A lot. There are people who leave a romantic relationship once the initial glow wears off. They hurry into marriage and end up with multiple divorces. They are generally the same people who leave a job once the excitement is gone. </b></div>
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<b>Abplanalp: </b>My love life is none of your business! And as for the frequent job switches, there were good reasons. Where do you get your information anyway?</div>
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<b>BB: Our intrepid research team watches a lot of TV programs that match our low journalistic standards like Dr. Phil and Jerry Springer. But getting back to new challenges....We at the Blickbild would like to help you find a new job that is challenging and will definitely expand your horizons.</b></div>
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<b>Abplanalp:</b> If you are offering me a job at the Blickbild, I'm not so sure I would take it. </div>
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<b>BB: And we are not so sure that you are intrepid enough to work for us, so the feeling is mutual. Our first suggestion is to get a job coaching a team from Africa or Asia. That would be a big challenge because there are very few Asian skiers in the World Cup and none from Africa. You could be the trainer of the first African World Cup racer.</b></div>
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<b>Abplanalp: </b>That would definitely be a challenge.</div>
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<b>BB: The FIS always talks about trying to get the whole world to watch ski races. It would certainly generate a lot of interest in Africa if there was an African World Cup racer. Think of the glory you would earn</b>!</div>
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<b>Abplanalp: </b>Do you have a more realistic suggestion?</div>
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<b>BB: Our editor knows some Arab sheiks who are interested in hiring a coach from a powerhouse ski country to train their sons to be ski racers. You would earn tons of money and you would train the first Arab World Cup racers. </b></div>
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<b>Abplanalp:</b> If I were to stay with coaching, I would want to be in a place that actually has snow and support for ski racing. </div>
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<b>BB: Well, that does not sound very challenging at all! We have another suggestion. Have you considered becoming a witch doctor? There is a college in Canada that offers a witch doctor training course. You would not be training ski racers, but you would create potions to help their performance and throw curses at opposing racers. The challenge would be to pass your courses and create potions that the FIS deems legal. Going to Canada would also qualify as expanding your horizons.</b></div>
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<b>Abplanalp:</b> I never thought about being a witch doctor. We don't use them in Switzerland. But I don't think that I want to stop working for four years to become a witch doctor. </div>
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<b>BB: We have one last suggestion. Have you considered working with a ski team on another planet? You could be the first Earthling to be a trainer for another planet's ski team. If that doesn't challenge you or expand your horizons, nothing will.</b></div>
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<b>Abplanalp: </b>How do we know there is even life on other planets?</div>
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<b>BB: Last summer Anna Fenninger was recruited to compete for the planet Zorkon in the Andromeda Galaxy. So we know there is at least one planet out there with life. </b></div>
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<b>Abplanalp:</b> I don't think I would be interested in training space aliens, if they even exist. I prefer to work on Earth. </div>
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<b>BB: We are out of suggestions and we know one thing. You are extremely picky about what jobs you will take. Someone who changes jobs as often as you do should be grateful to us for trying to help you find employment. You are officially hopeless. </b></div>
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<b>Abplanalp: </b>Uh.....Maybe I need some time to think about your suggestions, ridiculous as they are.</div>
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<b>BB: Get back to us if you change your mind. Well, it looks like we are out of time. Mr. Abplanalp, thank you for an insightful interview. Good luck with the job search, finding a new challenge, and expanding those horizons. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview</b><br />
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The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: Our jobs are very challenging and help our employees to expand their horizons.</div>
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