Frequently Asked Questions

A Boston Blickbild Exclusive

Every day we receive lots of letters, e-mails, and tweets from our readers. Since we can't reply to every inquiry individually, we thought we would print the most popular questions that we received and answer them. Our intrepid research staff was put to work to bring our readers the information that the others don't dare to print. Let's find out what our readers have been asking and what the answers to their questions are.

Question: Which teams currently have witch doctors and which ones will have them before the first race in Soelden?

Answer: Germany, Italy, and France have witch doctors. Switzerland is in the process of acquiring one for its men's speed team and Sweden is also getting its own after its failed attempt to steal Germany's witch doctor. Canada and Norway are still trying to figure out if they need one or not. The USA does not have one and is not thinking about getting one.
Question: Will the International Skiing Federation (FIS) require ski teams to have witch doctors?
Answer: Having a witch doctor is optional so far. The FIS has not ruled on whether every team must have one. In fact, the FIS is more concerned with implementing the new scoring system that will go into effect starting in Soelden (see this story) than whether or not teams have a witch doctor.
Question: Will the FIS require female racers who get married to either keep their maiden names or have a hyphenated name?
Answer: Female skiers getting married and changing their names is not on the agenda for the FIS's summer meeting. In order to avoid confusion, female skiers are encouraged to find men who have the same last name as them. If Michaela Kirchgasser was able to do it (her boyfriend is Sebastian Kirchgasser), so should the others.

Question: Silvan Zurbriggen just switched to HEAD skis. Will he still have to ski with the women next season?

Answer: Yes. All of the Swiss men on the speed team, except for Beat Feuz, will ski in women's races next season. If Beat does not have good results, he could also be relegated to skiing in women's races. (See this story).
Question: Does HEAD really have a plan to require every skier in the World Cup to use its skis?
Answer: While it does seem that HEAD has plans for World Cup domination, keep in mind that last season's overall World Cup winners, Marcel Hirscher and Tina Maze, did not use HEAD skis. At least they thought they weren't using HEAD. It turns out that HEAD has been switching out skis from other ski firms with their own and painting them to look like Atomic, Rossignol, Stoeckli, etc.
Question: Did the police ever figure out who made the death threats against Tina Maze in Garmisch?
Answer: Yes. It was a HEAD employee who was upset that Tina broke the all-time season points record using Stoeckli skis instead of HEAD. This employee discovered that Tina switched her HEAD skis that were painted to look like like Stoecklis for her real Stoecklis. He told her that if she refused to use HEAD skis, he would kill her. At first it was thought that a skier involved in the Austrian theft ring was the one who made the threats. (see this story). But HEAD used the Austrian smuggling ring as a cover for the death threats. The Blickbild will soon publish an in-depth exclusive report on HEAD's methods for taking over the World Cup.
Question: Can Dr. Mabongo (Germany's witch doctor) get out of putting a curse on the Swedish team? I really like the Swedes and feel like a curse on them that will prevent them from winning any races is unfair.
Answer: Unfortunately, Dr. Mabongo was ordered by the court to put that curse on Sweden as punishment for abducting him. Sweden had to be taught that kidnapping another team's witch doctor was wrong. The Swedish ski team had two options: ski under a curse next season or the death penalty. They opted for the curse.
Question: Would it be possible for the judge who ordered the curse on Sweden to put one on Canada instead? After cutting the women's downhill program, and Larisa Yurkiw from the team, they don't deserve to win any races.
Answer: Unfortunately, the only way to influence a Mongolian judge is to send him large quantities of fermented yak milk pellets. Norwegians may think that ojlmsfjaegger are delicious, but they have nothing on Mongolians and their fermented yak milk pellets. But our intrepid researchers are 99.99% certain that if you send the judge enough pellets, he will order Dr. Mabongo to put a curse on the Canadian team.
Question: Canada has two men who were out for a long time due to injury, Manuel Osborne-Paradis and John Kucera, and they made the national ski team. Larisa Yurkiw was also out for an extended period because of an injury and she was cut. Is Canada really such a sexist society? Why else would they keep the men but not the women?
Answer: We are sorry that we cannot answer that question. Go to Alpine Canada's website (http://www.alpinecanada.org/alpine) or to Alpine Canada's Facebook page and submit a comment. I'm sure you will get an answer related to money and the possibility of winning Olympic medals.
Question: Will Lindsey Vonn's lawsuit against Slovenia really be heard, or did a judge laugh and reject it?
Answer: Yes, it has been approved and a trial date is being set. It will be a while though, because the courts in Vail are backlogged. The people of Slovenia can breathe a sigh of relief that they won't have to pay $1 million per person to Vonn yet. They will have some time to save up their money.
Question: Is there anyone in Lindsey Vonn's family who can find Slovenia on a map?
Answer: No. Her family members will be followed by the country/place he or she thought was Slovenia. Lindsey--Sri Lanka, sister Laura--Estonia,  sister Karen--thought it did not exist,  brother Reed--South Dakota, mother--Sierra Leone, and father--Slovakia. Dad wins the prize for the closest guess, while Laura gets second place for her guess being on the same continent as Slovenia.
Question: If the US decides to invade Slovenia, how can its soldiers guarantee that they are targeting the right country?
Answer: Let's hope that US soldiers in any invasion force are better in geography than the Kildow family and that they can read maps.
Question: Is Lindsey Vonn still cheating on Tiger Woods with her physical therapist to get back at him cheating on her with his ex-wife?
Answer: According to her therapist, it wasn't really cheating because he was doing what he could to make her feel better. It was technically therapy and not infidelity.
Question: Is it true that Lindsey Vonn is pregnant with Tiger's baby?
Answer: We are sure that if she were pregnant, she would announce it. With all of the second-by-second updates that she gives about rehabilitating her knee injury, she would certainly let her fans know that she was pregnant with a little Tiger Cub.
Question: Has Lindsey Vonn found a cure for her boredom?
Answer: Judging from all of the time she has been spending at red carpet events in the States, it appears that she is no longer bored.
Question: Is driving in Europe really as difficult as Laura Kildow makes it out to be?
Answer: No. If you drive something smaller than a king-sized recreational vehicle, driving in Europe can be quite simple. You don't even need a navigation system or detailed maps. After all, the ancient Roman legions found their way from Rome to Great Britain or Romania and back without a GPS system or Google Maps.
Question: Who do you think will win the Crystal Globes and Olympic gold medals this season?
Answer: Men will win all of the men's Globes and Olympic medals. However, some of the Swiss men could sneak in there for a share of the women's Globes and medals. Carlo Janka could become the first skier to win both a men's and women's overall Globe and also Olympic gold medals in men's and women's races.
And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive story.

The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: They say that people who ask questions are intelligent. Therefore, we have very intelligent readers.

The Boston Blickbild is on Facebook. If you enjoy our unique perspective on World Cup Alpine skiing, please like us on Facebook.



Lindsey Vonn Dating Tiger Woods (and more)

A Boston Blickbild Exclusive

US skier Lindsey Vonn and golfer Tiger Woods just announced on their Facebook pages that they have been dating each other. While the others have already reported this news, the Blickbild gives its unique perspective on their relationship. In addtion, during a recent interview on Austrian TV, Ms. Vonn admitted that she was bored. The Blickbild, which is always ready to aid those in need, decided to help Ms. Vonn find a solution to her boredom. We sent one of our intrepid reporters to high schools around the USA to ask teenagers to help find a way to alleviate her boredom. Lindsey has always been one of the Blickbild's favorite interview subjects. She granted us an interview to talk about her relationship with Tiger, her boredom, and her lawsuit against Slovenia.

BB: Your relationship with Tiger Woods is not a big secret. You went home from Schladming on his plane and spent time on his yacht before the World Cup finals. Why did you choose now to announce that you are dating?

Vonn: My relationship with Tiger sure has not been a very good secret. We started off as friends and then the relationship blossomed into something more in the past few months. We are very happy together. I chose after the World Cup finals to announce that Tiger and I are dating for two reasons. The first is that I felt that Tina Maze got enough media attention for her records this season. Do people really care about a skier from an insignificant country?

BB: Only when a skier from what you call an insignificant country sets records that may possibly never be broken. What Tina did this season was remarkable and may never be repeated.

Vonn: She only did so well because I took time off because of my belly aches, depression, and knee injury. I don't want to talk about it because I was supposed to be the first woman to 2000 points. It makes me depressed just thinking about what Tina did this season.

BB:  Please tell our readers the second reason why you decided to announce your relationship.

Vonn: With both Tina and Mikaela Shiffrin getting all of the attention, people were starting to forget about me. I am doing everything that I can to promote both myself and Alpine skiing in the States. Therefore, I needed to shift the spotlight back onto me, where it belongs. It took me less than a week from the end of World Cup finals to now to get back into the limelight.
BB: Don't you think that Ted Ligety and Mikaela Shiffrin's success both on the World Cup and in Schladming this season would help keep Alpine skiing in the US public eye?

Vonn: Maybe. But Ted and Mikaela aren't me. Neither of them has accomplished what I have.
BB: Right. Would you like to teach Tiger's kids how to ski?
Vonn: Yes! That is one of the things I plan to do. It will also help me with my rehab.
BB: During the 2010 Olympics you criticized Tiger for being unfaithful to his wife. Yet here you are with that same person that you publicly slammed. Aren't you worried that Tiger is going to cheat on you?
Vonn: No. I got to know Tiger and realize now why he cheated on his wife. I was able to forgive him and we have taken our relationship to the next stage. Anyway, he is also a celebrity. It wouldn't do for me to date an ordinary man. Now every time that Tiger gets mentioned in the media, I will be too.

BB:  First you came out and announced your relationship with Tiger. Then you said that you wanted to keep it private. How do you possibly plan to keep things private when you tweet about what you and Tiger did? We saw one of your tweets, which said, "Tiger and I went to second base," and another which said, "Went to third base with Tiger. Roger who?"

Vonn: I have to announce these things so that people know that my relationship with Tiger is real. But I hope that people don't go around spreading those tweets. We want to keep things between us private.

BB: I see. But if you really want to keep things private, you shouldn't be tweeting about going to second and third bases. You should just let people guess what you're doing.
Vonn: Well that's no fun! And it's not proper. If I don't keep tweeting about what I'm doing with Tiger, then people won't know what's going on. Part of my responsibility as a celebrity is keeping my fans informed. But true fans won't spread my tweets and will respect my privacy, right?
BB: Of course. Isn't the real reason you're with Tiger because Roger Federer is married and you can't have him?

Vonn: How did that get out? Tiger wasn't supposed to know that he was my backup in case things didn't work out with Roger. Unfortunately, Roger is devoted to his wife and daughters and he won't leave his wife for me. But Tiger is a good enough substitute because he is also a famous athlete.

BB: You have to remember that the Blickbild has the world's most intrepid research team. We know everything.

Vonn: Please don't tell Tiger that he was my second choice and that Roger was my first.

BB: We don't have to. You just did. (pause) You recently filed a lawsuit against the country of Slovenia. How is that proceeding? Any word on whether it has been ruled valid?

Vonn: I don't know. Daddy is my lawyer and he is handling all of the legal stuff so I can concentrate on rehab for my knee. I want to be ready to race in Lake Lindsey this season. But Daddy is a very good lawyer and he will take care of all of that legal stuff so I can concentrate on skiing and winning another Olympic gold medal.

BB: When do you think you will get a ruling?
Vonn: Hopefully during the off-season so that I have another reason to stay in the public eye. (short pause) Hey, aren't you going to ask me where Slovenia is?
BB: No. I wouldn't want you to embarrass yourself.
Vonn: I know exactly where it is because I have competed in Maribor many times. I'm prepared for your trick questions. (pulls out a pocket map of the world). It's right here. (points to Sri Lanka)
BB: That's Sri Lanka and not Slovenia. You don't even have the right continent. Slovenia is in Europe and Sri Lanka is in Asia.
Vonn: It's very easy to mix them up. They both start with S, end with A, and have eight letters.
BB: You have a point there. (short pause)  You mentioned in a recent interview on Austrian TV that you are bored. How can you possibly be bored when you have a new boyfriend and are going to the gym to rehab your knee?
Vonn: Being with Tiger is great, but it still doesn't compare to being on the top step of a World Cup race podium. I go to the gym, but have to do the same exercises for my knee. Yawn!  I spend most of my time watching "Law and Order" and "Game of Thrones." I have seen every "Law and Order" episode ever made, including all of the spinoffs. I am also an avid watcher of "Wheel of Fortune," "Malcolm in the Middle" reruns, "Wife Swap," "Extreme Makeover," "Dancing With The Stars,"  and "Two and a Half Men." I tried watching "Big Bang Theory," but I couldn't understand a lot of what the characters were saying. I also can't watch ski racing on TV because it makes me depressed. Other than watching TV, there is nothing to do.
BB: The Blickbild has decided to help solve your boredom problem. As everyone knows, teenagers are always complaining about being bored. We sent some of our intrepid reporters to high schools around the US to ask teenagers how they deal with boredom. Would you like to hear what they had to say?
Vonn: Yes. Oh, did I mention that Maria Sharipova sent me a tweet and Roger sent me flowers? But after a few minutes I got bored again.
BB: Several of the high school students said to read a good book. If you get absorbed in a story, then time goes by very quickly.
Vonn: That sounds good, but what happens when I finish the book?
BB: You can read another one. Other students suggested getting a boyfriend and spending time with him. But you already have a new boyfriend.
Vonn: Do you know how boring it was on Tiger's yacht? The only thing I could see was water and more water.
BB: Another suggestion from the students was to take a class at a local community college.
Vonn: What would I possibly learn?
BB: Well there is that new language requirement that will be in effect next season. (see this story). You could learn one of the required Latin-based languages and either a Slavic or Scandinavian one. You would be one step ahead of the competition.
Vonn: I already am one step ahead of the competition, even with my bum knee. That's why I want to race against men. The women are so boring.
BB: Or you and the rest of your family could take a geography class.
Vonn: That also sounds boring. What else did the teens suggest?
BB: Doing volunteer work. You could find an organization that you like and volunteer there. Places like libraries, schools, hospitals, and homeless shelters are always looking for volunteers.
Vonn: That sounds boring too. Anyway, I don't want to go near another hospital.
BB: A few of the teens suggested taking up knitting or crocheting. That really helps to pass the time.
Vonn: And what would I do when I finished knitting a sweater? I'd have to knit something else or I would just get bored again.
BB: One popular suggestion was to get a hobby. Maybe taking up painting, playing an instrument, gardening, playing video games, surfing the Internet, studying the Bible, collecting stamps or coins, or photography.
Vonn: None of those things sound very interesting.
BB: We are now out of good suggestions. What are your interests?
Vonn: Winning ski races, setting records, establishing a legacy, giving interviews, and being famous. I also like going to different celebrity functions.
BB: One day you will have to retire from ski racing. You will also lose your looks as you get older. Don't you think it's a good idea to find something to do that will help you in the future?
Vonn: I don't want to think about my future. It's too depressing to imagine a life away from winning races and the red carpet. Anyway, I plan to continue racing forever, so I don't have to worry about retirement. Tiger and I will get married and have kids. I will teach our kids to ski and be real winners.
BB: I see. Well, it looks like our time has come to an end. As always, you have been a very interesting interview subject. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview.

The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: I'm bored. 

The Boston Blickbild is on Facebook. If you enjoy our unique perspective on World Cup Alpine skiing, please like us on Facebook.