Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Bode's Baby Lotto

A Boston Blickbild Exclusive

When US ski racing star Bode Miller brought his son Samuel/Nathan/Matthew/Mark/Luke/John to Soelden for the races last October, the press couldn't get enough photos of his wife Morgan holding the little tyke. In Beaver Creek Morgan held up Bode's 5-year-old daughter Dacey for the cameras. With Dacey in school and Samuel/Nathan/Matthew/Mark/Luke/John back in his mother's custody in New York, it looks like there will be no more photo opportunities for Bode and Morgan to pose with a baby or small child until Sochi. But our intrepid research team found out that Bode and Morgan will have a baby or child at every race in the World Cup. Neither Bode nor Morgan was available to talk with us. But one of our intrepid reporters found one of Bode and Morgan's spokespeople, who we shall call Mary. Let's find out what Mary has to say.

BB: Bode recently lost custody of his infant son and his daughter is with her mother in San Diego. How can Bode and Morgan pose with the kids at European races when they don't have custody of them?
Mary: Everyone on the US ski team feels badly for Morgan because she had a miscarriage and she has the need to be a mother and have a baby in her arms. We are helping her to satisfy that need. This will help Morgan, which will help Bode to do well in his races.
BB: I see. What are you doing to help the Millers?
Mary: The people on the US ski team have put their heads together and came up with a fantastic idea. The International Ski Federation (FIS) and the various race venues are also on board with it. 
BB: Tell our readers about this idea.
Mary: It is very simple. Every person attending a World Cup ski race with a boy under one year old or a girl under age 6 will automatically have their names put into a special drawing. Before the race starts, one of the names will be drawn. That person's child will win the opportunity to spend the race with Morgan and be in a photo with both her and Bode.
BB:  Would the parents also get to pose with Bode and Morgan?
Mary: Hell no! Having the child's actual parents around would spoil the illusion. But Bode and Morgan will give the child's parents photo cards and their autographs as a thank you gesture. 
BB: Wouldn't Bode and Morgan feel that it's a bit awkward to pose for the cameras with a child that isn't theirs?
Mary: Morgan is already used to that. She has posed for photos with Bode's kids and neither of them are her biological children. 
BB: That is true. But wouldn't it be rather weird to pose with a different child at each race? 
Mary: Not really. They will be used to it after a couple of races. 
BB: Will the kids get to keep their given names?
Mary: No. The winning child will also have his or her name changed for the day. Children's names will be put into a drawing and the child will have the name that is drawn for race day. The names will be appropriate for the race venue. The children will have German names in Germany, Austria, and Switzerland, French names in France, and Italian names in Italy. 
BB: Interesting. What if the parents object to their children being taken away from them to spend race day with strangers? People bring their kids to the races to have fun as a family.
Mary: The parents will have no say in the matter. If they don't want their kids to have the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to watch a race with Morgan Miller and time afterward with Bode, they should hire a babysitter.
BB: Do the child's parents need to provide diapers, bottles, or snacks?
Mary: That would be a good idea. The parents would give Bode and Morgan whatever they were planning to bring for their baby or child for the race. 
BB: What if the child objects? Many young children cry when they have to sit on Santa's lap or when they see clowns. 
Mary: We are prepared for that. The child will have all of the candy that he or she can eat. Nothing calms a child faster than candy. We will also tell the child that he or she is going to be on TV. 
BB: So much for teaching kids not to take candy from strangers. (short pause) Let me see if I have this straight. A young child will be taken from its parents to spend a day with a strange woman and her husband, have his or her name changed, and be fed lots of candy. All the parents get is a photo card, an autograph, and a child with a belly ache from eating too much candy.
Mary: You got it! But you left out the part of the lasting memory of being with Bode and Morgan. 
BB: I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but a child that young won't remember posing with Bode and Morgan for the TV cameras. Maybe a 5-year-old will have a memory of it, but an infant won't. 
Mary: The child's parents will also get a souvenir photo that they can show their child to remind him or her of his or her special day with Bode and Morgan. It will be something that they can cherish as a family.
BB: When will this baby lotto start?
Mary: We are hoping to start at next weekend's races in Val Gardena. The children who are chosen will be so lucky and will have a wonderful story to tell their grandchildren.
BB: I'm sure they will. Well, it looks like we are out of time. I want to thank you for this interview. It will be interesting to see how these drawings work out for both the Millers and the kids. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview. 

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