Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Stefan Abplanalp Seeks New Horizons

A Boston Blickbild Exclusive

Swiss trainer Stefan Abplanalp has resigned his position as head trainer for the Swiss C-Kader. The reason for his resignation was that he is looking for new challenges and wants to expand his horizons. The others have already reported this story, so we would normally avoid it like a cup of hemlock. But we have our own unique perspective on this story. One of our intrepid reporters was able to interview Mr. Abplanalp about his surprise resignation and other things. This interview was conducted before he was hired to coach Hungarian World Cup racer Edit Miklos. Let's find out what he has to say.

BB: Please tell our readers why you wanted to resign from the Swiss team for the second time. 
Abplanalp: I want a new challenge in life and want to expand my horizons.
BB: That is what you have told the others. But we want to look into why you have such a hard time keeping a job. At first it seemed like you had no job troubles because you were a trainer for the Swiss team until 2012.
Abplanalp: That is correct. 
BB: Did you enjoy your time with the Swiss team?
Abplanalp: Yes. 
BB: So why did you leave?
Abplanalp: There was the story going around that I showed up drunk to a race, which is false. But it was making the rounds of the Swiss tabloids. I thought that the best way to stop the tabloid stories was to go to another team. Fortunately, the Norwegians hired me to work with Lotte Sejersted and Ragnhild Mowinckel.
BB: It's good that the Norwegians believe in second chances. You were doing a great job with Lotte and Ragnhild. Why would you leave when they started having some success in the World Cup?
Abplanalp: I absolutely hated those chocolate and fish cubes that the Norwegians eat at every meal.
BB: You mean ojlmsfjaegger?
Abplanalp: Yes. Who could have  invented such a food? Give me a good fondue any day.
BB: You must have had ojlmsfjaegger from a can because the homemade ones are pretty good. I have eaten Grandma Jansrud's ojlmsfjaegger and lived to tell the tale. They are a beloved birthday treat in Norway.
Abplanalp: Anyway, one of the requirements for renewing my contract with Team Norway was that I had to eat a minimum amount of those things every month. There was no way I could do it, so I took the job with the US Team.
BB: You really need to give the homemade ones a chance. The tinned ones are awful, but the homemade ones are much better. According the the Norwegian team, Grandma Jansrud combines those pickled cubes of reindeer heart with a smoked salmon and chocolate sauce better than anyone. But enough about ojlmsfjaegger. Let's talk about your experience with the US team.
Abplanalp: The US speed team is very talented, but in the end I could not work with them. Some of the ladies thought that they were too good to train with the team and it undermined my efforts. In Switzerland the whole team trains together. Another reason for leaving was that the US team wanted to have more US trainers and fewer foreign ones. So I went back to Switzerland.
BB: You have done very well with your Swiss group, especially Beatrice Scalvedi. She did well in the Europa Cup this past season and also won medals at the Junior World Championships. Don't you want to stay around to see how she develops in the World Cup?
Abplanalp: Once she gets to the B and A Kaders, I would no longer be training her. I would have others to train.  I decided that the time is right for new challenges.
BB: Are your romantic relationships successful?
Abplanalp: What does that have to do with my career as a ski trainer?
BB: A lot. There are people who leave a romantic relationship once the initial glow wears off. They hurry into marriage and end up with multiple divorces. They are generally the same people who leave a job once the excitement is gone. 
Abplanalp: My love life is none of your business! And as for the frequent job switches, there were good reasons. Where do you get your information anyway?
BB: Our intrepid research team watches a lot of TV programs that match our low journalistic standards like Dr. Phil and Jerry Springer. But getting back to new challenges....We at the Blickbild would like to help you find a new job that is challenging and will definitely expand your horizons.
Abplanalp: If you are offering me a job at the Blickbild, I'm not so sure I would take it. 
BB: And we are not so sure that you are intrepid enough to work for us, so the feeling is mutual. Our first suggestion is to get a job coaching a team from Africa or Asia. That would be a big challenge because there are very few Asian skiers in the World Cup and none from Africa. You could be the trainer of the first African World Cup racer.
Abplanalp: That would definitely be a challenge.
BB: The FIS always talks about trying to get the whole world to watch ski races. It would certainly generate a lot of interest in Africa if there was an African World Cup racer. Think of the glory you would earn!
Abplanalp: Do you have a more realistic suggestion?
BB: Our editor knows some Arab sheiks who are interested in hiring a coach from a powerhouse ski country to train their sons to be ski racers. You would earn tons of money and you would train the first Arab World Cup racers. 
Abplanalp: If I were to stay with coaching, I would want to be in a place that actually has snow and support for ski racing. 
BB: Well, that does not sound very challenging at all! We have another suggestion. Have you considered becoming a witch doctor? There is a college in Canada that offers a witch doctor training course. You would not be training ski racers, but you would create potions to help their performance and throw curses at opposing racers. The challenge would be to pass your courses and create potions that the FIS deems legal. Going to Canada would also qualify as expanding your horizons.
Abplanalp: I never thought about being a witch doctor. We don't use them in Switzerland. But I don't think that I want to stop working for four years to become a witch doctor. 
BB: We have one last suggestion. Have you considered working with a ski team on another planet? You could be the first Earthling to be a trainer for another planet's ski team. If that doesn't challenge you or expand your horizons, nothing will.
Abplanalp: How do we know there is even life on other planets?
BB: Last summer Anna Fenninger was recruited to compete for the planet Zorkon in the Andromeda Galaxy. So we know there is at least one planet out there with life. 
Abplanalp: I don't think I would be interested in training space aliens, if they even exist. I prefer to work on Earth. 
BB: We are out of suggestions and we know one thing. You are extremely picky about what jobs you will take. Someone who changes jobs as often as you do should be grateful to us for trying to help you find employment. You are officially hopeless. 
Abplanalp: Uh.....Maybe I need some time to think about your suggestions, ridiculous as they are.
BB: Get back to us if you change your mind. Well, it looks like we are out of time. Mr. Abplanalp, thank you for an insightful interview. Good luck with the job search, finding a new challenge, and expanding those horizons. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview

The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: Our jobs are very challenging and help our employees to expand their horizons.
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