Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Bode Miller to Come Back in 2016/17 on Non-Bomnber Skis

A Boston Blickbild Exclusive

Bode Miller missed his calling in life. He really should have been a writer for a soap opera because of how he keeps his fans in suspense. Will he retire, will he come back, will he compete at the 2018 Olympics, and is he having spaghetti with meatballs for dinner? Well, dear readers, you are in luck. One of our intrepid reporters scored an interview with Bode, which will either give you all of the answers or leave you even more confused than before. But that's the nature of Bode. Let's find out what he has to say.

BB: Before we get started, belated congratulations on your newest son, Nash Skan. 
Miller: Thank you. 
BB: Are you looking forward to the day when little Nash can race against Ivica Kostelic and Benni Raich's sons?
Miller: He could end up being a volleyball player like Morgan instead of a ski racer. You'll just have to wait about 20 years like the rest of us to find out what he will do.
BB: If Nash does end up becoming a ski racer, would you want him to date Denise Karbon's daughter? They are the same age.
Miller: It's a little early to talk about dating. Nash doesn't even talk yet, so he can't tell me who he likes. 
BB: Have you already started him on skis?
Miller: He doesn't even walk yet! We have to wait for him to walk before putting him on skis.
BB: You do realize that by holding him back and waiting for him to walk before learning to ski, you are ensuring that he will be hopelessly behind the Austrians. Benni Raich already has little Josef on skis and he is just two weeks old. But enough about your baby and how you're retarding his development as a ski racer. Are your plans for this year to take the whole season off and then come back next year?
Miller: That is my plan for today. I want to have time with my kids, especially my new baby. I also want to concentrate on my race horses.
BB: Do your race horses have the same wild style that you have on the race slopes?
Miller: You'll have to come to a race and see for yourself.
BB: I just might do that. (short pause) So you are not officially retired from ski racing?
Miller: No. Like Tina Maze on the women's side, I'm taking the year off.
BB: So you plan to come back next season in Soelden?
Miller: That is the plan, unless I change my mind.
BB: I see. There are rumors floating around that you may come back for the races in Kitzbuehel this season.
Miller: That is a possibility, although I haven't been training. 
BB: That never stopped you before. 
Miller: True enough. But I found that as I get older, I actually have to train for a day or two before the season. 
BB: Yeah, getting old can be a pain in more ways than one. One of our intrepid researchers found out that when you come back to the World Cup next season, you will use Bomber skis instead of Head.
Miller: That was my original game plan. But then the idea occurred to me...why not make my comeback on cheap rental skis! I would go into a local rental shop, rent the cheapest and most beat-up pair of skis, then race in them. The older they are and the more scratches in them, the better!
BB: That sounds like an interesting proposition. What does the FIS have to say about racing in rental skis?
Miller: Annemarie Moser-Proell won her regional championship at age 13 on old, bad skis. She was not disqualified for using them. 
BB: There is a difference between a regional ski race in Austria that happened fifty years ago and the World Cup today. The FIS has strict standards about ski length, width, and turning radius. 
Miller: As long as the skis meet the requirements, the FIS has no grounds to disqualify me. Even if the skis are not up to World Cup standards, and I win the race, the FIS might still let me have the win because of the low-tech skis. Think of it this way...By racing in rental skis, I am being a job creator.
BB: How are you creating jobs by renting cheap skis for your races?
Miller: You obviously have not taken any economics courses in school. Ski shops will remain open because I am renting their equipment. The shops need people to work in them, right?
BB: Right. 
Miller: Ski firms that make rental skis will also have more business because of the demand for their products. If I rent a pair of no-name skis from the local ski shop, my fans will also want to buy or rent those skis. Therefore, the ski firms will need to hire more people to keep up with the demand for new skis. It's a win-win situation
BB: If you end up winning races on your cheap rental skis, do you think that your fellow racers will follow suit? Or do you think that they will stay loyal to their Heads, Rossignols, or Atomics?
Miller: I don't see my fellow racers using rental skis. But they are not as wild and crazy on the race pistes as I am. 
BB: That is definitely true. You always had your own style and marched to your own drummer. What do you think the odds that you will come back at age 39 and win races on rental skis?
Miller: Patrik Jaerbyn was a world class racer in his 40s. Nobody said anything about him racing at that age. 
BB: He also didn't take two seasons off and then come back on rental skis. Would you also rent the boots and poles, or just the skis?
Miller: Just the skis. I have my own boots and poles. By the way, I won't even have my service man wax the skis. I will use whatever wax the rental shop puts on them. 
BB: What about when conditions change and you need a different wax?
Miller: I think I'll be able to race in rental skis, no matter the snow or wax.
BB: If you forego a service man, and the other racers decide to use rental skis, then service men would no longer be needed. Therefore, you would be contributing to world unemployment because of all the service men  will be fired.
Miller: I still believe that more jobs will be created than lost by me using battered rental skis.
BB: We all have our personal delusions. (short pause) If your comeback is successful with the cheap skis, are you planning to race at the 2018 Olympics? If so, would you race at the Olympics on rental skis, or go back to Head?
Miller: You never know. I'll see how it goes next season on rental skis. If all goes well, you may see me at the Olympics. Or you may not. I make my decisions on a day-to-day basis these days. 
BB: It makes it that much easier to keep your fans in suspense that way. Well, it looks like we are out out time. Bode, I want to thank you for another interesting interview. We'll see how your comeback goes on rental skis and what the future holds for you. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview. 

The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: We don't write our stories on old rental computers. 

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