A Boston Blickbild Exclusive
It is all over the Internet that French giant slalom specialist Mathieu Faivre is Mikaela Shiffrin's new boyfriend. Just like Benni and Marlies and Aksel and Julia in past years, Mathieu and Mikaela are the new Alpine skiing power couple. We would normally avoid ski racing celebrity gossip like a nudist avoids clothing. But we could not resist this story. One of our intrepid reporters caught up with Mathieu and Mikaela while they were on holiday together in Paris. Let's find out what they have to say.
BB: How are you two enjoying Paris?
Shiffrin: It is a beautiful city. And very romantic.
Faivre: I am also enjoying Paris and my time with Mikaela.
BB: Mikaela, is it true what they say about French men?
Shiffrin: Yes. French men have such great accents. I adore Mathieu's accent when he speaks English.
BB: We all know that the French like to eat snails. Mathieu, have you made Mikaela eat snails?
Faivre: No. She seems to prefer her Barilla pasta.
BB: What about mixing some snails into Mikaela's pasta? They are a good source of protein.
Faivre: I eat snails but have not snuck any into Mika's pasta yet.
Shiffrin: Would you really do something like that?
Faivre: Of course not, cherie.
BB: Mathieu, a lot of people in France eat organ meats. Have you ever made pig kidneys or cow brains for Mikaela?
Faivre: Not yet. But if things become more serious with Mika, I will give her my mother's recipe for sheep spleens. Nothing says amour like Maman's sheep spleens in red wine sauce.
Shiffrin: I'm sure they are very good. But I think I will stick with my pasta.
Faivre: You are not very adventurous. France is the home to the world's best cuisine and you only want to eat pasta.
Shiffrin: I'd rather eat pasta than weird animal organs! Who in their right mind eats animal spleens anyway? Do you eat gall bladders too?
BB: Mathieu, I'm sure that your maman's sheep spleens are the world's best. Maybe one day Mikaela will come around and enjoy them as much as you do. And Mikaela, you remind me of Julia Mancuso. She really caused a scandal when when she refused to eat ojlmsfjaegger at Akel Lund Svindal's brother's birthday party. One of the reasons that Aksel and Julia broke up was that she refused to learn how to make ojlmsfjaegger. Things could end very quickly between you and Mathieu because you won't learn how to cook his favourite sheep spleens.
Faivre: I happen to have some of Maman's sheep spleens with me. She made some especially for this interview. Would you like to try some?
BB: I'd really love to, but I'm a vegetarian.
Faivre: No you're not! Nice try! You are not intrepid at all.
BB: Wait a minute! The Blickbild has the most intrepid reporters in the business. Bring on those sheep spleens!
Faivre: I guarantee, you will love them as much as I do.
BB: OK here goes...one....two....three....(short pause)....Interesting. I think you have to be French to truly appreciate them. Onto the next topic....It is hard for ski racers to maintain a relationship because they are separated for practically the whole season. What makes you think that your relationship could last? It did not work so well for Aksel and Julia.
Shiffrin: It worked out very well for Benni Raich and Marlies Schild. They ended up getting married and she has a second baby on the way.
BB: But it did not work out so well for Aksel and Julia.
Shiffrin: Aksel and Julia were together for four years. That is a long time.
BB: But Julia refused to learn how to make one of Aksel's favourite foods. Marlies regularly cooks schnitzel for Benni. Do you see the difference?
Shiffrin: I see where you're going. This has nothing to do with being separated for a good part of every year, but it's all about Mathieu's mother's sheep spleens.
Faivre: How do you know what they taste like when you have never tried them? Even our interviewer tasted them.
BB: Let's move on to another topic. Mathieu, Mikaela has mentioned that she would like to race against men. How would you feel if she beat you in a race?
Faivre: That is a silly question because she would not beat me.
Shiffrin: How do you know? You and I have never raced against each other, though I am very fast on my roller blades. I could probably beat you roller blading.
Faivre: We will never know because the FIS does not allow men and women to race against each other. It's just like how do you know that you dislike Maman's sheep spleens when you refuse to try them?
Shiffrin: I bet you can't go the rest of this interview without mentioning Mom's sheep spleens. Isn't it enough that I enjoy French croissants, cheese, pastries, and wine?
BB: Let's get off the subject of food completely, since it seems to cause a lot of tension. Mikaela, it seems like you only date ski racers. Is that really true?
Shiffrin: A fellow ski racer knows what it is like to be one, so we have that in common. It makes it easier to deal with everything when your boyfriend has the same experiences as you.
BB: That is understandable. Mathieu understands what it is like to be a successful ski racer because he is one himself. You could use your relationship with Mathieu to promote your sport in the States.
Shiffrin: I don't think that having a French boyfriend will help promote ski racing in the US.
BB: Sure it will. Lindsey Vonn thinks that she is promoting ski racing by posing in a bikini or nude with a painted-on swimsuit. But how many kids have taken up ski racing because of Lindsey posing half-naked?
Faivre: Men and teenage boys like seeing Lindsey in a bikini, though I personally prefer Mika.
BB: Good save. But here is my logic. If Mikaela will only date ski racers, and boys would do anything to have a chance with her, what will they do? Take up skiing and become racers. A select few will make it to the World Cup, where they would have a real chance of dating Mikaela. But in the meantime, a lot of boys who would have otherwise played baseball, football (soccer to our North American readers), or basketball would be taking ski lessons and learning how to race. The sport gets a big boost and there could be some new stars on the US Ski Team.
Shiffrin: I thought that winning World Championship and Olympic gold medals helps to promote ski racing.
BB: That concept is so 2010. Same with posing in a bikini. Now the best way to make ski racing grow is to date a fellow racer. Boys will become ski racers in order to woo Mikaela. Mathieu, the men's World Cup future stars will thank you for inspiring them to take up skiing.
Faivre: Wow, I never thought that I would help to promote ski racing in America.
BB: And you would not only help ski racing grow in the States, you could also start a new culinary trend with your maman's sheep spleens. Now that is what I call a win-win situation. Well, it looks like we are out of time. I want to thank you both for this interview and wish the two of you success in the coming season. We at the Blickbild look forward to watching you race. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview.
The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: Our reporters have eaten organ meats and lived to tell the tale.
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