Thursday, May 16, 2013

Red Bull Bodyguard Released from Psychiatric Hospital

A Boston Blickbild Exclusive
Vinnie "The Shark" Razzovell, the Mafia hit man hired by Red Bull to be Lindsey Vonn's bodyguard in Schladming during the World Championships, was released from the New Jersey Asylum for the Criminally Insane yesterday. Mr. Razzovelli was admitted to that psychiatric facility after he suffered a mental breakdown because he was unable to prevent Ms. Vonn from getting injured during the Super-G race in Schladming (see this story). Even though Mr. Razzovelli turned down interviews from the others, he consented to talk with one of our intrepid reporters. Let's find out what he has to say.

BB: Mr. Razzovelli, do you feel that you are cured now?
Razzovelli: Please call me Vinnie. Yes, I feel like I have recovered 100% and am ready to get back to work.
BB: Are you still taking any antipsychotic medication?
Razzovelli: No. My doctors determined that I don't need anymore medication. I am completely normal again. My head is clear and I feel great.
BB: Will you work solely with the Mafia or will you also take jobs from HEAD and Red Bull?
Razzovelli: For now I will carry on working in my family's waste disposal business. When ski season starts, I'm sure that I will be working for HEAD or Red Bull like in previous seasons.
BB: Do you still blame yourself for what happened to Lindsey Vonn in Schladming?
Razzovelli: Not anymore. My doctors helped me to realize that what happened to Lindsey was not my fault.
BB: When Red Bull hired you to guard Lindsey in Schladming, was being able to ski one of the requirements for the job?
Razzovelli: No. I was hired strictly for my ability to keep undesireables away from Lindsey. Red Bull hired me for Schladming based on how I got the Austrian women to give their World Championship medals to Lindsey (see this story). Skiing ability was never mentioned in my interview for becoming Lindsey's bodyguard.
BB: Did Lindsey know that you could not ski?
Razzovelli: Yes, and she was fine with that. I was hired to protect her from people off the slopes who had the potential to harm her. There was one particular fan who touched her skis in Cortina who made her feel threatened. She was afraid that he would follow her to Schladming and put his hands on her skis there. That was why Red Bull hired me to serve as her personal bodyguard and to prevent him and other fans from touching her skis.
BB: If it isn't too traumatic for you, please tell our readers what happened in Schladming before and during the Super-G race.
Razzovelli: I rode up on the lift with Lindsey to the start area. A lot of the other women in the World Cup don't like her, so I wanted to protect her from them. You think that we Mafia enforcers are tough? Women can be even meaner. Anyway, it was important to keep the other women away from Lindsey so that she could concentrate on the race.
BB: Even Maria Hoefl-Riesch? Maria is Lindsey's best friend in the World Cup.
Razzovelli: Especially Maria. I may not be the smartest guy around, but I get the impression that Maria likes Lindsey a lot more that Lindsey likes her. I don't think that Lindsey ever forgave Maria for what happened at the 2011 World Cup finals.
BB: Getting back to Schladming, you were up at the start area with Lindsey. Did you go into the start house as it got close to her turn?
Razzovelli: Yes. Before Lindsey took off for her run, I apologized to her for not being able to ski down with her. I felt like I was shirking my duty to her. But she told me that she was perfectly capable of making it to the bottom and winning the race without a bodyguard accompanying her on the course.
BB: Skiers race all the time without a bodyguard by their sides. Did you get special permission from the International Skiing Federation (FIS) to accompany Lindsey?
Razzovelli: FIS rules say that skiers must race on their own. But when Red Bull explained Lindsey's situation to the FIS, and how she felt like she was in imminent danger in Schladming, I was permitted to accompany her to the start area. If I knew how to ski, I would have been able to stay by her side during her run too.
BB: Were you still up in the start area when Lindsey fell?
Razzovelli: Yes. I heard officials say that Lindsey fell and needed medical attention. My first thought was, "If I only knew how to ski!"  If I were able to ski, I either could have gone down before her to ensure that the course was safe, or I could have skied by her side while she raced. When I heard that she was seriously injured, I was so overcome with guilt, I started sobbing in the start house. I don't recall what happened next, just that I woke up in a padded room wearing a straitjacket. I must have been in an Austrian hospital because I could not understand a thing anyone was saying.
BB: How long did you stay in the Austrian hospital?
Razzovelli: Long enough to realize that I wanted to go home. I needed peace and quiet. Various members of Lindsey's entourage kept coming into my room and telling me that I was a sad excuse for a bodyguard. Even the people from Red Bull who hired me were taunting me about how a real bodyguard would not have let Lindsey get injured. I was watching TV in the hospital and every show had a story on Lindsey's injury. Even CNN was interviewing fans and skiing experts. Everyone was asking, "Where was Lindsey's bodyguard when she fell?"
BB: But how did you end up in an asylum for the criminally insane?
Razzovelli: My family is very famous and no other hospital would accept me. I guess the doctors at other hospitals were afraid that my relatives would harm them if something happened to me. The New Jersey Asylum for the Criminally Insane was also close to my house.
BB: But, as your doctors said, what happened to Lindsey was not your fault.
Razzovelli: That's right. The real person who belongs in a hospital for the criminally insane is the course worker who failed to clear the patch of soft snow from the course. Anyone who fails to clear soft snow off a Super-G course is a criminal and insane.
BB: Wasn't the weather a factor? Other skiers said that the snow had softened.
Razzovelli: You can use the weather as an excuse, but there is no excuse for failing to thoroughly clear soft snow off a course. You never know where someone will land a jump and the course workers in Schladming learned a hard lesson in being safe than sorry.
BB:  Don't you think what happened to Lindsey was an accident that could have happened to anyone?
Razzovelli: No. There was obvious neglect in how the course was prepared. Some of my relatives, who still live in Italy, are working on finding out who was responsible for that section of the course. They are as intrepid as your reporters.
BB: I would say that nobody is as intrepid as the Blickbild's reporters, but in this case I will make an exception. I don't want to disappear without a trace. (pause) If that course worker is found, what will you do?
Razzovelli: I hope that Red Bull will hire me to take care of him in any way I see fit. Once that person is found, let me put it this way. He will never be able to set foot on a race course again.
BB: Oh dear! Do you think that Red Bull will hire you to be Lindsey's bodyguard for the full World Cup season, or during the Olympics?
Razzovelli: I am pretty sure they will. When I was in the hospital, I got a nice letter from the Red Bull president forgiving me for what happened to Lindsey. He said that he would be willing to hire me to protect Lindsey during the Olympics in Sochi and possibly for the full World Cup season. But Red Bull would also hire a second bodyguard who knows how to ski to accompany her when she is racing. Red Bull does not want to take any chances on Lindsey injuring herself again. She is Red Bull's prize commodity.
BB: Well Vinnie, it looks like our time is running out. I want to thank you for this interview and I'm sure we will see you back guarding Lindsey either in Sochi or at all of the World Cup venues. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview.

The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: Our reporters may seem like they are criminally insane, but they're not.

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