Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Hermann Maier Becomes Father of Twins

A Boston Blickbild Exclusive

Austrian legend Hermann Maier became the father of twin girls on 29 August. The babies’ mother, Maier’s girlfriend Carina, and both babies are doing fine. The others have already reported about the Herminator and his babies. But, as usual, our intrepid reporters gave this story a unique spin. The Blickbild was granted an interview with Hermann Maier about his new daughters. Let’s find out what he has to say.

BB: Congratulations on the birth of your new daughters.
Maier: Thank you.
BB: How much sleep are you getting?
Maier: You are very funny. I always knew that your reporters were not only intrepid, they also have a sense of humor.
BB: What is scarier to you, standing at the start house in Kitzbuehel or having to take care of new babies?
Maier: Definitely the babies. I knew what to expect when I raced on the Streif. But babies don’t come with an owner’s manual or a trainer to help coach you in how to take care of them or what to expect along the way.
BB: We know that in Austria children start skiing at an early age. When will your daughters start skiing?
Maier: This winter Carina and I will put them on skis and have them start walking around on them.
BB: But this winter they won’t even know how to sit up, let alone walk. How do you expect them to stand on skis?
Maier: Your researchers are not doing their jobs. Otherwise they would know that in Austria children are put on skis before they can walk.
BB:  The Blickbild doesn’t just have researchers, we have the most intrepid research team in the business! (pause) Please explain to our readers how your daughters will ski before they can walk.
Maier: Just like every other kid in Austria. We have already bought little ski boots that the girls will wear. In the winter we will have them fitted for their first skis. This winter Carina and I will hold them up and move their feet for them so that they can feel the motion of walking on skis. By the time that they are able to walk, we will take them up to one of the glaciers for formal training. At that time they will also get their first speed suits.
BB: So you want your daughters to follow in your footsteps and become ski racers?
Maier: Isn’t that what every parent in Austria wants for his or her children?
BB: You have a point. There are definitely a lot more famous Austrian skiers than football (soccer) players.
Maier: That’s right. Austrian footballers have won zero Olympic or World Championship medals. But Austrian skiers consistently win medals and bring glory to our country.
BB: Do you feel that your daughters will have extra pressure on them to succeed because their father is the Herminator?
Maier: Felix Neureuther and Tina Weirather have parents who were famous racers and they are very successful in their own rights. Felix has especially stepped out of his mother’s shadow and is being recognized for his own achievements and not just for being Rosi Mittermaier’s son. I think that if my daughters are successful ski racers, nobody will care who their father is.
BB: What will you do if one or both of your daughters decides to become something other than a ski racer?
Maier: How can you even think such a thing? If you continue to talk like that, this interview will be over.
BB: What was I thinking? On a different subject, will your girls find it funny that people think that Schladming police chief Hermann Mayer is you?
Maier: I’m sure they will. Hermann told you that I provide him with my photo cards for unwitting tourists. At the last world championships printers were working overtime to provide him with enough cards for all of the spectators in Schladming.
BB: Do people think that you are the man who found German witch doctor Dr. Mabongo after he was kidnapped by the Swedish team in Schladming?
Maier: Some people have come up to me and given me doggie treats for Herr Mayer’s dog Fido. I pass them along to Hermann. By the way, Hermann and I have become great friends. He gave the girls dolls that look like Dr. Mabongo, which were big sellers during the world championships. I hope that the dolls will bring the girls good luck on the pistes. He also arranged for my daughters to have lifetime ski passes in Schladming.
BB: I’m sure the girls will enjoy both the dolls and the ski passes. What other gifts have they received?
Maier: The Austrian men's ski team sent the twins several sets of pajamas that look like the current Austrian speed suit. The women's ski team sent them infant and toddler-sized skis and boots.
BB:  Well, Hermann, I want to thank you for this interview and congratulate you again on the birth of your daughters. We are looking forward to writing about their races in the future.
Maier: Thank you. I’m sure they will give you plenty to write about.
BB: And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview.

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1 comment:

martikamic said...

Congratulations, Herminator.
You were always my favourite sportman. I hope you will be lucky in your private life like in skiing.