Saturday, April 26, 2014

US Trainer Andreas Evers Gets Jail Sentence

A Boston Blickbild Exclusive

Our 100th article!

US Ski Team Andreas Evers has been sentenced to 4 months in an Austrian jail as part of his sentence for money laundering. His ex-girlfriend embezzled money from a computer firm and he used the money to build a house. The ex-girlfriend already served a jail term for the embezzlement. Evers was let go by the US Ski Team and is going back to Austria to serve his sentence (4 months in jail plus 20 months probation). We would normally avoid this story like we would rotten meat covered in flies because the others have already reported it. But we have our unique perspective on this story. We wanted to interview Herr Evers, but he wasn't available. Then we arranged to talk to his lawyer, but he cancelled at the last minute. But it turned out that our favorite Mafia enforcer, Vinnie "The Shark" Razzovelli, and Evers were friends. One of our intrepid reporters caught up with Vinnie at his home in New Jersey. Let's find out what Vinnie has to say.

BB: Tell our readers about your experience in Sochi.
Vinnie: Neither my Freedonian teammates nor I got a chance to race. Some of my Russian counterparts thought we were part of their security team. I ended up being a bodyguard for the Russian biathlon team, so I at least got to be on skis and hold a rifle as a bonus. We Freedonians must have impressed Vladimir Putin because we were asked to stay on and provide security for the Paralympics. Even though I didn't ski, I got to do what I do best. Maybe in 2018 Team Freedonia will get to ski in the Olympics.
BB: How did you and Andreas Evers become friends?
Vinnie: If you have done any embezzling or money laundering, no matter where, everyone in the Mafia knows who you are. We have to keep an eye on any embezzlers and money launderers to make sure they are not infringing on our territory.
BB: How exactly did you two meet?
Vinnie: My cousin Fabrizio's wife works at the Immigration and Naturalization Service. When Andreas' work visa application came across her desk, she noted that he was suspected of money laundering and would be one to watch. She reported that information to my boss, who then assigned me to be part of the security group for the US Ski Team. In fact, Andreas was one of my trainers for the Olympics.
BB: I thought you work for Red Bull.
Vinnie: I do and did at the time. Let's just say that my boss and Red Bull have a financial arrangement that is mutually beneficial.
BB: In other words, Red Bull pays your boss protection money.
Vinnie: I didn't say that. My youngest brother Tony is the family genius and he handles all of the money. You need to talk to him about any financial arrangements with Red Bull.
BB: Did Herr Evers come to you to help him invest the money that his girlfriend embezzled?
Vinnie: No. All of his crimes were committed in Austria. He never even got a parking ticket in the States.
BB: Herr Evers was under suspicion of money laundering before he left Austria to work for the US Ski Team. Didn't he have a background check before he was hired to work with the US skiers?
Vinnie: A US criminal background check is done to make sure that someone being hired to work with  impressionable young people is not a pervert. Andreas passed his background check because he was never accused or convicted of being a child molester or any other type of sex offender.
BB: I would hardly call the US Ski Team members impressionable young people. They are all adults. Did you or any of your friends have any influence over Herr Evers passing his background check to get a work visa?
Vinnie: No. I have enough work with being an enforcer and with my business.
BB: What kind of business do you have?
Vinnie: Recycling.
BB: Is that a new slang term for money laundering?
Vinnie: No. My family's waste disposal and recycling business is 100 percent legitimate.
BB: When you and Herr Evers were together, did you give him any advice on money laundering?
Vinnie: As I said before, my brother Tony is the one you really need to talk to. He is the family accountant. I am a hit man. But I did tell him the number one rule of committing any crime is not to get caught. It's too bad that he committed his crimes before he met me. Tony and I could have kept him out of trouble. Tony would have shown him how to invest the embezzled money without arousing any suspicion, and I would have dealt with anyone who started wondering about Andreas spending large sums of money.
BB: What will you do with yourself now that Herr Evers has gone back to Austria?
Vinnie: I will see what assignment Red Bull has for me. When Lindsey Vonn makes her comeback, I will probably end up being her bodyguard again. Those pesky little kids who always want her autograph really need to be dealt with properly.
BB: Now that Herr Evers is gone, are there any other trainers left on the US Ski Team with questionable backgrounds?
Vinnie: I heard that the new Swiss guy who was brought in as a trainer for the women showed up drunk at a race. I thought that the US men's team should have hired him. He and that ski racer who partied on an Olympic scale in Torino sound like they could exchange training tips. The skier bragged about racing while wasted and the coach showed up to a race wasted. They are perfect for each other!
BB: Do you think that you and Stefan Abplanalp, the Swiss trainer who just got hired for the women's speed team, will end up being friends?
Vinnie: I don't think so. I don't like hanging around people who are drunk in public. Give me a good embezzler, money launderer, or hit man any day.
BB: Do you know if there are other foreign trainers with criminal pasts that the US Ski Team would consider hiring?
Vinnie: Not that I know of. But Cousin Fabrizio's wife is always on the lookout when she reads applications for work visas.
BB: Are you or anyone in your family doing anything to help Herr Evers?
Vinnie: The Austrians handled his case. But his sentence is lighter than it could have been because the judge had a little chat with my cousin Giuseppe, who came up from Italy to attend the trial. My wife and some of the other women in my family are also helping out by sending Andreas some of their homemade cannoli.
BB: I have had your wife's homemade cannoli and they are delicious! I'm sure that Herr Evers will enjoy them in his prison cell. Well, Vinnie, it looks like we are just about out of time. I want to thank you for this interview. It was very interesting to talk with you, as always. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview.

The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: We don't have enough money for our employees to embezzle from us. But we welcome anyone who wants to invest in us.

The Boston Blickbild is on Facebook. If you enjoy our unique perspective on World Cup Alpine skiing, please like us on Facebook. We are also on Twitter as bostonblickbild.

No comments: