Friday, February 8, 2013

Schladming Man In The Street Interviews

A Boston Blickbild Exclusive

Thursday was a quiet day at the World Championships. There were no races; both the men and women had downhill training. The Blickbild sent one of its intrepid reporters out on the streets of Schladming to talk to people about the competition. Our reporter came back with some interesting observations from people who are attending the championships. Here is a sampling of what people had to say about the 2013 World Championships.

First interview subject: A teenage boy
BB: Do you think the Austrians made the right decision to put Benjamin Raich on the World Championship team?
Boy: He's still alive?
BB: Yes, Benni is alive and well. In fact, he just had a 5th place finish in the Kitzbuehel slalom.
Boy: Really? I thought he was, like, 95 years old.

Second interview subject: A woman about 70 years old with a cane
BB: Do you think the Austrians made the right decision to put Benjamin Raich on the World Championship team?
Woman: Benni and I went to school together. We were in the same ski club and I even beat him in a race when we were in second grade.
BB: Don't you mean you were in the same class with Benni's father?
Woman: Are you calling me senile? (the woman suddenly hits our reporter on the head with her cane). That should teach you to disrespect your elders!

Third interview subject: A woman in her early 20s
BB: With Lindsey Vonn out of the competition due to injury, who do you think will win Sunday's women's downhill race?
Woman: The Austrian girl.
BB: Which one? There will be 5 Austrian women in the race.
Woman: I don't know. They all look alike because they're wearing the same uniform. If they wore clothes with their names on them I could tell them apart.

Fourth interview subject: A woman in her 30s
BB: With Lindsey Vonn out of the competition due to injury, who do you think will win Sunday's women's downhill race?
Woman: Why do you want to know?
BB: I'm with the Boston Blickbild. I'm asking people about the championships and will report what they have to say.
Woman: Sorry, you don't have the need to know.

Fifth interview subject: A young boy
BB: Who is your favorite skier?
Boy: (wide-eyed) I know who you are! You're that man Mr. R on the "wanted" posters. My dad says you put a curse on Lindsey Vonn.
BB: No I'm not. I'm a reporter with the world-famous Boston Blickbild.
Boy: You touched Lindsey Vonn's skis when you asked for her autograph. Then you tried to take her picture. You even have a voodoo doll of her and pins.
BB: No, you're wrong. I'm a reporter with the Blickbild. (shows the kid a Blickbild ID card) See?
Boy:  Lindsey Vonn needed a bodyguard because of you.
BB: (grabbing the kid's shirt) You tell your dad to try writing the stories that the others don't dare to print and see what happens! (lets go of the boy's shirt)
The boy runs off crying for his mother.

Sixth interview subject: A man in his 20s.
BB: Do you think the Swiss men's speed team has a chance of winning any medals?
Man: (after laughing for a minute) I think the guy from Puerto Rico has a better chance of winning a medal than the Swiss men.
BB: How do you think the Swiss can improve their team?
Man: They should let space aliens take over their bodies, preferably ones that can ski.

Seventh interview subject: A teenage girl
BB: Who is your favorite skier?
Girl: Aksel Lund Svindal. He's so cute! When I turn 18, I'm going to marry him.
BB: Aksel already has a girlfriend, US skier Julia Mancuso.
Girl: I turn 18 in 4 years. Do you think they will break up before then?
BB: I don't think so. They will probably end up getting married.
Girl: Noooooo!!!!!!!!!!!! (starts crying inconsolably)

Eighth interview subject: A man in his 50s
BB: What is your theory about what happened to Austrian skier Regina Mader?
Man:  Everyone in Austria knows that Regina Sterz killed Regina Mader in order to get a place on the national ski team. Regina Sterz was on the edge of making the team, but kept getting beaten out by Regina Mader. There was only room for one skier named Regina on the Austrian team.The only way for Regina Sterz to get on the team was to kill Regina Mader.

Ninth interview subject: A man in his late 30s/early 40s
BB: How many knee operations has Ivica Kostelic had in his career?
Man: Sorry, I can't count that high.

Tenth interview subject: A young girl with her mother
BB: Who is your favorite skier?
Girl: You're a stranger. My mother told me never to talk to strangers.
Mother: Get away from my daughter, you pervert!

Eleventh interview subject: a man in his late 20s/early 30s
BB: If Christof Innerhofer wins a medal, who will give it to him at the award ceremony?
Man: Ante Kostelic.

Twelfth interview subject: a girl age 3 or 4 holding a plush Hopsi
BB: What is your name?
Girl: Katarina.
BB: Katarina, do you like to ski?
Girl: Yes. I am a good skier.
BB: Who is your favorite skier?
Girl: Hopsi!

Thirteenth interview subject: A man in his 40s.
BB: There have been injuries to several skiers after only two days of competition. How do you think they could have been prevented?
Man: By having the races on an easier course. Most injuries happen when someone is skiing on a course that is too difficult for their ability level. The race courses in Schladming are obviously too hard and the races should be moved to an easier one. If the courses can't be changed, then the skiers should wear a big air bag over their speed suits.

Fourteenth interview subject: A woman in her 20s
BB: Is German skier Fritz Dopfer really German or Austrian?
Woman: Does it really matter? He should just follow his bliss and be whatever he wants to be.

Fifteenth (and final) interview subject: two men who look to be in their 30s.
BB: Is German skier Fritz Dopfer really German or Austrian?
Man #1: German. He is a real asset to the German team.
Man #2: Definitely Austrian. He received all of his ski training in Austria.
Man #1: Yes, but the Austrians kicked him off the team. He moved back to Germany, therefore he's German.
Man #2: He was born in Austria, therefore he's Austrian.
Man #1: German! (he punches his companion in the face)
Man #2: Austrian! (he punches his companion in the stomach)
Man #1: German! (he wrestles his companion to the ground)
Man #2: Austrian! (while on the ground, he kicks his companion in the private parts. Both men writhe on the ground in pain and continue to argue)

BB: And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive. We are reporting all of the action on and off the slopes at the Alpine Skiing World Championships in Schladming.  

The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: All the news that the others won't go out on the street to get.

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